Mr Chris wrote:
sinister agent wrote:
Doctor Glyndwr wrote:
Mr Chris wrote:
On sequels, I think Blade 2 is the only example I can think of of a sequel being better than the original. Other than Empire Strikes Back.
Bourne.
Blade 2 was bloody
awful.
No. It. Wasn't.
Really, it wasn't. Luke Goss FFS!
"Hi! I'm a vampire who dies in the sunlight. But I've developed a suit that lets me walk about in UV lights and the sun and stuff! I'll use it to deliver this message to a vampire hunter, because couriers or emails or the post are ... um... made of garlic. With that done, I'll go off hunting some super-vampires who are better than me in every way, but also share my weakness to sunlight, but don't have access to, for example, my UV-proof suit. I will of course leave the UV-proof suit at home for some reason."
"Hi! I'm a vampire hunter, and I know my assistant is a double agent. I won't use this to my advantage in any way at all, and will in fact entirely fail to do anything that would prevent him from getting me captured, and will instead hope that he happens by chance to pick up a remote mine I have the detonator to while I am in captivity."
"Hi! I'm a monster vampire thing hiding underwater. There is a vampire hunter standing over me and several of my friends, counting slowly up to a coming explosion that will kill us but not him. Instead of, for example, attacking him now and killing him, I will for no reason at all wait until precisely one second before his countdown finishes, so that he can strike a mean pose and look cool as the explosion kills us all. I am totally a tactical genius and a monster to be feared."
"Hi! I died when I was shot through the face by a vampire hunter who knows pretty much everything about vampires, and would do anything rather than see me turn into a vampire. Oh wait, I'm not dead after all! I will reappear and feature throughout the whole film, but will do precisely nothing at all. Quite why they even bothered bringing me back at all is beyond me, but fuck it, I get paid either way!"
"Hi! I'm the vampire hunter again. You know how I was becoming resistant to the serum that kept me from turning into a proper vampire? Well, I ... er... HEY LOOK A SWORD COOL"
"Hi! I'm the only other survivor of the first film, and I- [FOOTAGE NOT FOUND]"
"Hi! You liked the gun fights and swordy fun in the first film, right? Well, here's some ropey cgi WWF moves instead. That'll be eight quid."
"Hi! You know how the sun kills vampires, making it something we loathe and fear? Well, my script was written by someone with no imagination, so my last wish is to see the sun rise. It's a bit like a human wishing on their deathbed to be smothered with cyanide. How romantic. Also, you know how vampires explode violently in the sun? Not me! I flake daintily into cgi snow. Aww."
"Hi! I'm the super vampire villian that is in no way derivative of both alien and predator. But wait! I'm actually quite reasonable and have decent motivations and everything! I'm not the villain after all! Oh wait, that won't do. I'd best turn evil for no reason whatsoever so the film has an excuse to kill me off. Raaargh!"
Etc.