Footballer's Wives

MaliA · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 16:20

There was a series called "Footballer's Wives" on telly about 10 years ago. I remember watching it at Uni with a girl called Jennifer, I think it was, who was my girlfriend at the time. Although it could have been Alison. Or Emma. Or Philippa. Or Sue. Or Deborah. Or Annabel. Anyway, it was about footballers and their wives, and it was brilliant. Seriously brilliant. Zoe Lucker got her tits out in it a lot, which kinda distracted from her wonky eyes. Anyway. There was a footballer who became addicted to gambling through his telly and stuff, and it spiralled out of control, ending up with him losing bareknuckle boxing fights in a barn to pay off a debt to some dude. And he sold his cars. it had Gillian Taylforth in it as well.

It keenly tied in with the tabloid tales of the day, making it awesome.

Picston_Shottle · **Joined:** 5th Feb, 2009 **Posts:** 35

I only watched it on the off chance I would get to see Zoe Lucker's tits. Fantastic they are, too.

devilman · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 16:23

It wasn't a documentary about Polygamy then?

myp · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 16:25

Never watched it.

Mr Dave · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 16:26

myp wrote:

Never watched it.

myp · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 16:27

I always thought it was a programme for girls.

Mr Dave · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 16:28

myp wrote:

I always thought it was a programme for girls.

MaliA · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 16:30

Mr Dave wrote:

myp wrote:

I always thought it was a programme for girls.

You missed out. Seek it out and view it. it's brilliant.

TheAlbin0Kid · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 16:43

It wasn't as long ago as 10 years, surely?

Also, I'm pretty sure it wasn't a parody... or at least precisely one of the people who watched it were aware of it (ie. you), which makes it pretty unsuccessful.

And what was the name of that woman in the first series who had the same name as a type of wine or something? It's really bugging me for some reason.

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49244

Gewurtztraminer.

myp · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 16:46

Spätburgunder.

LewieP · **Joined:** 29th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 7600

Watched it and it was pretty ridiculous and misogynistic.

And shit.

TheAlbin0Kid · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 17:12

I remembered, it was Chardonnay

Can't remember if she was fit or not though

chinnyhill10 · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 15695

MaliA wrote:

There was a footballer who became addicted to gambling through his telly and stuff, and it spiralled out of control, ending up with him being washed up and being signed on a free by Man U.

FTFY.

throughsilver · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6197

Didn't see it, but do remember ITV having some rather lovely FW-related ad buffer things at that time.

GovernmentYard · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5318

I watched it the once, worse than Dream Team and the Manageress put together.

You can't dramatise drama, which is essentialy what football is. Not that FW was trying. In the episode I saw, there was that Zoe Lucker who isn;t much to write hme about, and some scouse lass who was meant to be Wayne Rooney or something.

I'll pretty much watch anything with naked women in it, I bloody love naked women. I didn't watch this though.

DBSnappa · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 20:38

Never watched it.

I was in it, though...

Picston_Shottle · **Joined:** 5th Feb, 2009 **Posts:** 35

DBSnappa wrote:

Never watched it.

I was in it, though...

Are you Zoe Lucker?

DBSnappa · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 20:53

Picston_Shottle wrote:

DBSnappa wrote:

Never watched it.

I was in it, though...

Are you Zoe Lucker?

Um, no

MrChris · **Joined:** 1st Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 30498

You are the gayest, gayest man in the world, Mali.

Mr Dave · **Posted:** Wed Aug 12, 2009 21:06

Mr Chris wrote:

You are the gayest, gayest man in the world, Mali.

MaliA · **Posted:** Thu Aug 13, 2009 4:12

Fuck off heathens, it's post modern and stuff like that.

DavPaz · **Joined:** 27th Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 38656

Oh Emm Gee.

Next Poll: How many lashes does MaliA get for this thread?

MrChris · **Joined:** 1st Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 30498

MaliA wrote:

Fuck off heathens, it's post modern and stuff like that.

You keep telling yourself that. Also, it's not gay if your cock's bigger than his.

throughsilver · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6197

MaliA wrote:

Fuck off heathens, it's post modern and stuff like that.

Post modern? It's ITV.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 7:24

throughsilver wrote:

MaliA wrote:

Fuck off heathens, it's post modern and stuff like that.

Post modern? It's ITV.

It has loads of elements of postmodernism.

Kern · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 7:30

MaliA wrote:

It has loads of elements of postmodernism.

Incomprehensible smug self-gratification?

myp · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 8:18

Mali, please provide a list.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 8:28

myp wrote:

Mali, please provide a list.

You have frequent breaking of the fourth wall, the narrative doesn't display a central heirachy, the morality of the programme is ambiguous and regularly contradictory and often appears as a parody of itself. It's an awesome example of postmodernism.

markg · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 16639

Option 2, I find it hard to credit that this programme was seriously trying to attempt anything like what you're describing. It's like someone trying to tell me that Bernard Manning was actually postmodern and spent his entire career dismayed by the fact that the only people who wanted to see his act were clubs full of racist tosspots rather than the Guardian readers he was aiming it at.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 8:46

LewieP wrote:

Watched it and it was pretty ridiculous and misogynistic.

And shit.

It wasn't misogynistic as the female characters were portrayed as strong, successful and ambitious and often came out on top. If anything, I'd say it was more feminist than misogynist.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 8:47

markg wrote:

Option 2, I find it hard to credit that this programme was seriously trying to attempt anything like what you're describing. It's like someone trying to tell me that Bernard Manning was actually postmodern and spent his entire career dismayed by the fact that the only people who wanted to see his act were clubs full of racist tosspots rather than the Guardian readers he was aiming it at.

I don't think Manning was postmodern at all.

Bobbyaro · **Joined:** 18th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 11897

I think that may have been markg's point.

Although i like your take on this. There was clearly a significant amount of piss taking going on with the script. Chardonnay's name, and her wedding, for example.

myp · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 8:57

What's that saying that goes something like 'if you look hard enough you can find meaningful patterns in something random'? It's more succinct than that, obv.

Bobbyaro · **Joined:** 18th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 11897

Is it, 'if you look hard enough you can find meaningful patterns in something random'?

myp · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:02

Could be.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:03

Bobbyaro wrote:

I think that may have been markg's point.

Although i like your take on this. There was clearly a significant amount of piss taking going on with the script. Chardonnay's name, and her wedding, for example.

Which is a trait of postmodernism.

Here:

After Ellen wrote:

The series is notorious for its outrageous storylines, like boob-job conflagrations, fake tanned babies smothered by pug dogs, staged kidnappings and pet poodle curries. There is even a slice of post-modern intertextuality: Kyle (Gary Lucas) and Chardonnay (Susie Amy)’s wedding was covered by real life celebrity magazine OK!, and a fitted-up Tanya Turner (Zoë Lucker) turned up in Larkhall prison for three episodes of Bad Girls.

And as far fetched as some of the storylines get, read any British tabloid and you’ll see that sometimes they’re not too far away from the truth. You can see shades of Conrad and Amber Gates (Ben Price and Laila Rouass) reflected in the real-life antics of David and Victoria Beckham; Shannon Lawson (Sarah Barrand) in Coleen McLoughlin and fiancée of Manchester United wunderkind Wayne Rooney, who is renown for hitting her errant feller in the wallet whenever he strays away from home.

http://www.afterellen.com/archive/ellen ... wives.html

myp · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:05

You're as deluded as those people who think that Donnie Darko's a deep and layered film.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:06

myp wrote:

What's that saying that goes something like 'if you look hard enough you can find meaningful patterns in something random'? It's more succinct than that, obv.

"If it looks like a duck, quack likes a duck, and tastes like a duck"...

So, in what ways is Footballer's Wives not postmodern and is, instead, something different?

myp · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:08

It was on ITV
Chavs watched it

Need I go on?

MrChris · **Joined:** 1st Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 30498

(1) It's shit

(2) It's an ITV series

Why on earth do you think it's anything other than crappy OK-esque entertainment for the brainless cocks who watch ITV and won't buy real porn?

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:11

It doesn't stop it being postmodern, though, does it?

It's post modern as it has the traits that define this. Whether or not it's shit, or not, doesn't stop it being postmodern.

MrChris · **Joined:** 1st Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 30498

MaliA wrote:

It doesn't stop it being postmodern, though, does it?

It's post modern as it has the traits that define this. Whether or not it's shit, or not, doesn't stop it being postmodern.

If I draw a picture of a duck but it ends up looking like a swan, I've still drawn a picture of a duck.

They quite clearly didn't intend it to be post-modern. That it can be seen as that if one wants is neither here nor there - post modernism is rather related to intention.

MaliA · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:23

Mr Chris wrote:

MaliA wrote:

It doesn't stop it being postmodern, though, does it?

It's post modern as it has the traits that define this. Whether or not it's shit, or not, doesn't stop it being postmodern.

If I draw a picture of a duck but it ends up looking like a swan, I've still drawn a picture of a duck.

They quite clearly didn't intend it to be post-modern. That it can be seen as that if one wants is neither here nor there - post modernism is rather related to intention.

But that's another massive argument in the theories of art. Could one rewrite a gothic novel in a modern, or post modern style, keeping the narrative elements the same?

Anyway, the writing over the series of it counterpoints your statement, as there's no way that you could come up with 5 series of postmodern television, consistently, by accident. it might upset the chin stroking intelligensia that something "on ITV" "watched by Chavs" and "shit" sits happily in the armchair of postmodernist theatre, but that's the cost of bourgeois snobbery.

Anyway, you can conspire all you want to call a multi-pronged digging implement a spade, but it all reality, it is a fork. Same principle applies here.

MrChris · **Joined:** 1st Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 30498

If this is what you need to tell yourself to justify watching low brow entertainment, then you keep on doing so. I'd have more respect for you if you just said "I loves Footballers Wives, there's loads of boobs and silliness an that, and it's like a little window into Wayne Rooney's life". To be fair, it's a little bit snobbish of you, actually, to suggest that it must be something other than pure, simple ITV entertainment.

markg · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 16639

I don't think that the fact that some of the writers were clearly having fun with it really qualifies something as a work of genius. It's all a bit Piers Hernu isn't it? Just trying to dress up softcore porn as something more worthy, so idiots can believe they are enjoying a postmodern wank.

Plissken · **Posted:** Fri Aug 14, 2009 9:39

Actually, I am of the opinion that FW started off as a bit of a piss-take and ended up being precisely what it was trying to take the piss out of.

Like the film in The Player.

Bobbyaro · **Joined:** 18th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 11897

I would agree with that. It was clearly OTT (for want of a better description) fun, when it started, but then it took itself too seriously and became a parody of itself.

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49244

myp wrote:

You're as deluded as those people who think that Southland Tales is a deep and layered film.

FTFY.

throughsilver · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6197

MaliA wrote:

throughsilver wrote:

MaliA wrote:

Fuck off heathens, it's post modern and stuff like that.

Post modern? It's ITV.

It has loads of elements of postmodernism.

Accidental ones, sure.

Having worked at ITV (in 'creative', no less), I can assure you that nothing actually post-modern would make it on air. Breaking down the fourth wall, for example, depends on the writer's knowledge that it's there in the first place.

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Footballer's Wives
A discussion

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Footballer's Wives A discussion

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Footballer's Wives
A discussion