I'm a cheap date

JohnCoffey · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 20:20

bloody hell I havent had a single drop of alcohol in 8 months.

2 beers and I feel smashed.

Awesome.

MaliA · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 20:22

Don't snog anyone on a geology field trip. Or get your ex up the duff.

nickachu · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 20:35

JohnCoffey wrote:

bloody hell I havent had a single drop of alcohol in 8 months.

2 beers and I feel smashed.

Awesome.

I had 2 on sat after about 2 and a half months off. I felt up for anything...needless to say I got persuaded to go out and felt terrible the next day.
Hope you don't have too much to do tomorrow

LewieP · **Joined:** 29th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 7600

I went clubbing last night, and drank water pretty much all night. Had a pint at either end of the night.

I also had a pretty girl lick my face.

JohnCoffey · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 20:40

LewieP wrote:

I also had a pretty girl lick my face.

You spawny git. That sounds sluttishly disgustingly nice.

God I miss girls like that.

Curiosity · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 20:41

LewieP wrote:

I went clubbing last night, and drank water pretty much all night. Had a pint at either end of the night.

I also had a pretty girl lick my face.

Nice work.

I like wine and drink it a lot. Alas, due to sinuses I've been off the booze for three and a half weeks. Only three more days though, and then at the weekend I can drink again! Hurrah!

JohnCoffey · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 20:42

nickachu wrote:

I had 2 on sat after about 2 and a half months off. I felt up for anything...needless to say I got persuaded to go out and felt terrible the next day.
Hope you don't have too much to do tomorrow

Bugger all but wait for the posty to bring my hitatchi freeview box. So no doubt I'll be up at 8am all snarly and growly lol.

Will serve the cunt right for busting two fucking letterboxes the heavy handed clunt.

LewieP · **Joined:** 29th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 7600

It was great.

I was just chatting to a few mates, and a very pretty girl walked up to me and said;

"Hi, my names Emily. What's your name?"

I said "Lewie"

She said "Hi Lewie. This probably sounds weird, but could I please lick your face?"

I said "Sure"

She then licked my face, said thanks, and walked off.

Then a couple of minutes later I came up with a very witty/flirty thing to say, but it was too late by that point, and I was about to leave anyway.

I don't think I am going to mind being single all that much.

JohnCoffey · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 20:46

JC likes to tell jokes when he's beered up. Excuse any typos, i can't type for doggy toffees when Im tipsy.

Any way. John the body builder comes home to his lego wife and she demands that he pays 3 grand for some breast implants.

John asks why she feels she needs them, and to explain why he should cough 3 large for it.

She doesn't do very well, so John goes upstairs and returns back with a roll of toilet paper which he duly chucks to his wife.

"here, take that and use that"

His wife asks

"What am i supposed to do with that? I'm not stuffing my bra !"

So John explains.

"No, all you need to do is take a few sheets, take off your bra and rub it between your cleavage"

"eh?" replies his wife.. "how does that work?"

"just look what it did to your fucking arse"

JohnCoffey · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 20:47

LewieP wrote:

It was great.

I was just chatting to a few mates, and a very pretty girl walked up to me and said;

"Hi, my names Emily. What's your name?"

I said "Lewie"

She said "Hi Lewie. This probably sounds weird, but could I please lick your face?"

I said "Sure"

She then licked my face, said thanks, and walked off.

Then a couple of minutes later I came up with a very witty/flirty thing to say, but it was too late by that point, and I was about to leave anyway.

I don't think I am going to mind being single all that much.

Being single again after a long tie down really does have full merits Lewie mate.

I can do what i want, spend as much as I want all on myself, don't have any explaining to do and can misbehave around slags all I like.

After being tied down for so long to someone so demanding and controlling it was a nice breath of fresh air when the collar came off.

sinister agent · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 7046

LewieP wrote:

It was great.

I was just chatting to a few mates, and a very pretty girl walked up to me and said;

"Hi, my names Emily. What's your name?"

I said "Lewie"

She said "Hi Lewie. This probably sounds weird, but could I please lick your face?"

I said "Sure"

She then licked my face, said thanks, and walked off.

Then a couple of minutes later I came up with swine flu.

Craig · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 1236

LewieP · **Joined:** 29th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 7600

I don't really care why. It was kind of fun.

I told my housemate about it today, and he too said that she probably had the flu.

Also, I my ex wasn't really controlling in any way. I didn't really change my behavior around her in any significant way.

Grim... · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 22:09

MaliA wrote:

Don't snog anyone on a geology field trip. Or get your ex up the duff.

Or shut down the forum

JohnCoffey · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 22:09

Nah I shut mine two days ago

myp · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 22:45

LewieP wrote:

I went clubbing last night, and drank water pretty much all night. Had a pint at either end of the night.

I also had a pretty girl lick my face.

Druggie.

JohnCoffey · **Posted:** Tue Apr 28, 2009 23:41

Bah. After three beers I felt on top of the world. After five I'd drank myself sober.

Bolacks.

LewieP · **Joined:** 29th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 7600

myp wrote:

LewieP wrote:

I went clubbing last night, and drank water pretty much all night. Had a pint at either end of the night.

I also had a pretty girl lick my face.

Druggie.

Huh?

Also, I might have a pint now.

metalangel · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:35

Nice one Lewie. I remember back in my single days, I had a female friend who'd greet me by biting me.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:38

I had a bacardi breezer last night, put lipstick on my hand and copped of with it.

metalangel · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 9:59

You're a one man rainbow party, Zardie.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:02

My hand has threatened to tell my wife If I don't buy it a Mini Cooper!

metalangel · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 10:06

Luckily, as a hand, it'll fit into a 1:18 scale radio controlled Mini.

RuySan · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 3542

i can't get drunk with beer. My cheapest option is always to buy bottles of wine and drink them all by myself. Like i used to do in Carnival

Zardoz · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 11:01

Yeah but your Carnival shows always had more oomph when you stuck to beer.

Although the wine did bring out your sassy side.

I can't get drunk at all me. Too damn tough you see.

RuySan · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 3542

that's not my carnival at all. Mine is with rain and 5ºC degrees. But the men still like to dress like women

metalangel · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 11:34

Zardoz wrote:

I can't get drunk at all me. Too damn tough you see.

You are Aldridge Prior and I claim my £5.

devilman · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 13:23

JohnCoffey wrote:

bloody hell I havent had a single drop of alcohol in 8 months.

2 beers and I feel smashed.

Awesome.

You're still not the forum lightweight. Mimi just has to be in the same postcode as alcohol and she's drunk.

Grim... · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 15:15

This thread caused me to re-read some classics of mine - v. drunk and spoiling GiTS for myself.

Grim... wrote:

Fuck off all i need is dIvorce and I can be like this all daty buy me beer

Yeah

I still can't find the actual thread in which people are asking why the Forum's index page has been replaced with a cryptic message, though.

JohnCoffey · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 15:21

Posting whilst intoxicated on forums can lead to all sorts of trouble

I remember once on a forum I've been posting to for years I got a little drunk on NYE and didn't go out so I sat in a chatroom associated with it..

Any way, there was a young lady who posted on there and was in the chat room.. Long story short we ended up daring one another into a mooning compo.

Couple of pics later and it was discovered she had quite a nice derriere.

LewieP · **Joined:** 29th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 7600

This is one of my greatest moments:

http://forums.penny-arcade.com/showthread.php?t=71527

My mum posts on there too, you see.

Edit: And Cardboard Tube is a mod

myp · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 15:42

I don't get it.

LewieP · **Joined:** 29th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 7600

In the rules of the forum it says

Quote:

Unless your mom is posting on these boards, nobody fucking cares how drunk, high, tired, or depressed you are.

My mom is posting on these boards, therefore, I am technically allowed to make threads about how high I am. So I did.

myp · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 15:45

Druggie.

KovacsC · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 15:49

myp wrote:

I don't get it.

That is understandable

myp · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 15:50

Kovacs Caprios wrote:

That is understandable

Sad. Get your own jokes.

KovacsC · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 15:56

myp wrote:

Kovacs Caprios wrote:

That is understandable

Sad. Get your own jokes.

it worked..

MaliA · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 16:04

LewieP wrote:

In the rules of the forum it says

Quote:

Unless your mom is posting on these boards, nobody fucking cares how drunk, high, tired, or depressed you are.

My mom is posting on these boards, therefore, I am technically allowed to make threads about how high I am. So I did.

I really think you need to redefine your priorities in life.

KovacsC · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 16:07

The wife text me, she has been shopping and has got me a selection of Real Ales and other beers... how nice is that..

LewieP · **Joined:** 29th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 7600

I wasn't even high at the time.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 16:28

Kovacs Caprios wrote:

The wife text me,

Speaking of cheap dates...

:luv:

myp · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 16:42

LewieP wrote:

I wasn't even high at the time.

Is your nickname 'Towelly'?

Zardoz · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 16:43

You're twisting his melon, man.

KovacsC · **Posted:** Wed Apr 29, 2009 16:48

Zardoz wrote:

Kovacs Caprios wrote:

The wife text me,

Speaking of cheap dates...

:luv:

Be Excellent To Each Other

I'm a cheap date

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