The Apprentice 2009

MaliA · **Posted:** Thu Mar 26, 2009 10:12

Week One:

"Hey guys, here's a van. using the equipment in this van will cost you money, up to 200 quid. Team with most profit wins. You've got to clean things"

Women's Team (Ignite): Wicked! We only spent 196 quid on supplies
Gentleman's Team: Cleaning things, eh? Right, couple of buckets, hosepipe, some rags and some shoe shine kit.That'll do it, 107 quid.

Women's team: 300 quid to clean these three stretched HummVees
Man in shop: Hahahaha, we pay 60 for all three
Women's team: We're business women and know our shit, that's obviously wrong, how's about 250?

Gentlemen's team: Don't clean the insides of the car takes too long
Time passes
Man: 16 quid per car for inside and out.
Gentleman's team: Done

Sralan of mordor: Gnngh!

Opening day is always a slow one, but provided me with some laughs. First impressions are there are few attractive wimmins and the men, well, there's probably a whole fucking pack of king charles spaniels walking about at the moment, wondering why the fuck their brains have just been swapped for cardboard.

Scarysheep3000 · **Posted:** Thu Mar 26, 2009 10:28

Splendid! Please review every episode kthxbye

Grim... · **Posted:** Thu Mar 26, 2009 10:42

I liked the boardroom section at the end: "All of you women are equally useless, so I'm going to fire the ugly one."

MaliA · **Posted:** Thu Mar 26, 2009 10:55

Grim... wrote:

I liked the boardroom section at the end: "All of you women are equally useless, so I'm going to fire the ugly one."

She looked disturbingly like my avatar, here.

JBR · **Joined:** 2nd Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 3288

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/organgrinder/2009/mar/25/apprentice-reality-tv

Always good;

Quote:

However, we have caught sight of Saint Nick and the Blessed Margaret for the first time, calling things a total mess, and rolling their sparkling eyes heavenward

Quote:

And finally, I get a good look at Howard, who is scary-looking, with steel-grey eyes, a forehead that stretches halfway to the moon and a slight sense that he files his teeth. *shudder*.

Quote:

"Cars washed while they wait..."

And the alternative is what, exactly? Hang on to the aerial, and use the momentum as they drive round corners to reach the door sills?

Quote:

Anita, who is quite a lot like a potato (in a nice way, I am a big fan of potatoes)

Quote:

"Anita, did you just sit there with a calculator?"

"No!" says Spudulike "I was in charge of hoovering!"

Ah. I think I won't watch the rest, as they were mostly cocks. But I will read about it.

Squirt · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6588

The Apprentice should have a "Control group" where they just pick eight people working in the nearest Asda / drinking in a local pub / hanging around on the nearest street corner and give them the same tasks. I'd be amazed if the "brightest business brains in Britain" were any better at these tasks than any group of randoms picked of the nearest bus stop.

Grim... · **Posted:** Thu Mar 26, 2009 13:52

Squirt wrote:

The Apprentice should have a "Control group" where they just pick eight people working in the nearest Asda / drinking in a local pub / hanging around on the nearest street corner and give them the same tasks. I'd be amazed if the "brightest business brains in Britain" were any better at these tasks than any group of randoms picked of the nearest bus stop.

Holy shit dude, you're a fucking genius.

Bobbyaro · **Joined:** 18th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 11874

Seriously, that would be great TV. How many series' of Apprentice now? They should have a showdown between past winners and unemployed mechanics and builders from an Eastend jobcentre.

Scarysheep3000 · **Posted:** Thu Mar 26, 2009 14:11

One series of the US Apprenticed pitched the applicants with degrees ("book smarts") against those without ("street smarts"). Squirt's idea is better, mind.

Dr Lave · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5979

Grim... wrote:

Squirt wrote:

The Apprentice should have a "Control group" where they just pick eight people working in the nearest Asda / drinking in a local pub / hanging around on the nearest street corner and give them the same tasks. I'd be amazed if the "brightest business brains in Britain" were any better at these tasks than any group of randoms picked of the nearest bus stop.

Holy shit dude, you're a fucking genius.

There not the "brightest business brains in Britain" though are they? they are a bunch of numptys carefully picked to make good tv. If I'm wrong about this, please don't let me know, because in that case the recession will never end and we are fucked.

Almost any random group would do better, as they haven't been designed to be mental when in close proximity.

kalmar · **Posted:** Fri Mar 27, 2009 10:17

Dr Lave wrote:

There not the "brightest business brains in Britain" though are they? they are a bunch of numptys carefully picked to make good tv.

Oh no, you're quite right about that. Self-selecting, self-deluding numpties even, given that they want to appear on the TV show.

I watched 10 minutes of an episode once but it nearly made me cry so I turned it off.

Bobbyaro · **Joined:** 18th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 11874

I loathe it, these people are idiots. They should just be killed at the end, rather than offered a job.

Be Excellent To Each Other

The Apprentice 2009

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