Be Excellent To Each Other

Sorry I'm late, I was stuck behind a German Frigate.







The F215 Brandenburg, boat fans.

Can anyone beat that?

Definitely right up there with

"Eleven minutes late, staff difficulties, Hampton Wick."
"Eleven minutes late, signal failure at Vauxhall."
"Eleven minutes late, staff shortages, Nine Elms."
"Eleven minutes late, derailment of container truck, Raynes Park."
"Eleven minutes late, seasonal manpower shortages, Clapham Junction."
"Eleven minutes late, defective junction box, New Malden."
"Eleven minutes late, overheated axle at Berrylands."
"Eleven minutes late, defective axle at Wandsworth."
"Eleven minutes late, somebody had stolen the lines at Surbiton."
"Seventeen minutes late, defective bogey at Earlsfield."
"Seventeen minutes late, water seeping through the cables at Effingham Junction - there was a lot of Effingham and a good deal of Blindingham!"
"Twenty-two minutes late, black ice at Norbiton."
"Twenty-two minutes late, obstacles on the line at Berrylands."
"Twenty-two minutes late, badger ate a junction box at New Malden."
"Twenty-two minutes late, fed up by train delays, came by bike. Slow puncture at Peckham."
"Twenty-two minutes late, escaped puma, Chessington North."

What were you doing trying to drive in the water?

My housemate couldn't get to work one day because a guy with a sword was threatening to blow up (via the gas mains) the next door house.

Off-road car, innit?

"Sorry I'm late, a stray dog caused the road to be shut FOR FIVE HOURS

Actually, this is a bit worrying, I just remembered last night I dreamt about an ex girlfriend, a frigate and stuff.

I dreamt I was giving relationship advice to Prince Harry :|

"Chicks dig a bloke in uniform".

"Can you tell me why you were late for college, Miss Fritzl?"
"Well..."

Heh, those are quality, where from?

If you have to ask, you need reeducating.

OK, "That London", and obviously railway excuses, but where is there a collection of funny ones? Actually, forget it.

Is that the dude the police shot?

Sounds like a good reason to go to work, to me.