Be Excellent To Each Other

As I've only had one cup of tea, today, and am waiting for my mate, Matt the Builder, I was having the bad thoughts about things again, and was sighing heavily with my head in my hands. I dislike this governemnt and it needs changing.

So, I had a shower as I do my most critical thinking when naked and altered up, and it came. THE IDEA.

The target remains the same.

Redditch. Jaqui Smith.She has a majority of 2716.

Plan A:

Peopl e of BeeX pile into the BeeX aprty van. We travel up to Redditch and spend a day canvassing for her 2nd biggest rival. Then go home. Or to the pub. Or something. Thsi could be fun, and we'd have to be good at acting to get away with it.

Plan B:

We put BeeX in power. We stump up 500 notes as a depsoitu, and then we win the election and stuff.



We don't have 500 quid. Well, no, we don't but there is a blioke in Nigeria offering me some 80% of some dead dude's estate.

Who will be our candidate? I had a think about this, and, much to your surprise, it isn't me. We need someone who is used to the rigours of parliamentary life and can manage a budget and an economy as well as understanding trade with foreign nations. Due to the fact she lvies in two places already and has a nice house in Animal Crossing, Mimi is the perfect candidate. All inf avor say AYE!

Good.

Right, now people need to come up with election winning policies.

Our candidate? We can hit 50MPs at least.

Bagsy MAFF.

I love internet schemes.

We need to do more of them.

This thread has promise.

Can't we set up a bank instead? I'd rather have oodles of cash than make people happy.

The Bank of Excellence has a nice ring to it.

We could do Burttank piggy banks!

Kiddies! Force your saved ten pence pieces into Burttank's machine-oiled anus! You'll not want to go get them out again!

Once Beex runs the country, can I have a new position called "Minister for Common Sense" for me? All court claims have to go through my department before they get to court (you were burgling her house when you slipped on the floor? Fuck off) and I will stand up in the House and shout "If you've got nothing to add, shut the fuck up" when all the old twats start going "hurramuranger" as soon as someone else starts talking.

Occupiers' Liability Act 1984. Repeal that and then you've got major issues with children getting hit by trains and shit like that.



I like that bit, though.

You don't repeal it - you amend it to add "None of the above applies to you if you're a dumbfuck who's broken into someone's house".

Burtbanks, obv.

What about children exploring the local derelict haunted house?

Same applies. Why should the owners of a derelict be liable for injury sustained by trespassers? In the same way, if I break into a building site, climb to the second floor and jump off, should I be able to sue the construction company?

Not when I'm the Minister for Common Sense

No. He'll be wearing a pig mask so kids don't think he's the real Burttank. You idiot.

I don't know, I go away for a couple of days, come back and I am running for government.

That's new!

Recent events have forced my hand to move forward my installation of a puppet government of reliable and trustworthy people.

it's for the best.

Besides, meta analysis of data suggests you're the person most people will vote for.

What are our party colours?

Blue with stars?

Unicorn Vomit Rainbow.

Blue, Red, Yellow and Green are taken, so we'll go with purple as it's regal and stuff.

We'll have the Stormtroopers wear black.