Be Excellent To Each Other

Well I've had an interesting weekend...

We were in a really nice hotel in Bath and I managed to knock a full glass of orange juice over Mr GJ, 10 mins later when we(ok me) had calmed down we went to leave and I knocked a knife off the table, bent down to pick it up and managed to smack my head on a chair on the way back up (shin would have been so proud), I was nearly sick going back to our room I was laughing so hard. Back in our room I then walked into the doorframe of the bathroom and knocked Mr GJs stuff off the bathroom shelf. Oh dear.

Oh, dropped my mobile phone down devilman's toilet last night too.

I'm sure they can both add to my clumsiness list.

What clumsy things you have done?

*warning, I'm about to go out in the snow so may have more to post...*

Is it still knackered?

I've had to take the battery out or it won't stop vibrating even when switched off. I could still get into it though, so got all of my numbers off it last night. Just need to check the texts for info and if there are any pictures I want to keep. Lucky really.

Are you sure that's a mobile phone?

Yeah, it's a Motorola RMPNT RBBT.

It used to be the case that I would end up spilling beer over friends or myself during a night out. Not done that in a while.

A few years ago I did work experience with an MP in Westminister. I'd been in her tiny office for about half an hour when I moved at the wrong moment and tripped her up. I've never been good at first impressions.

While out for a meal with my family (parents and brother) a few years ago, I took it upon myself to pour everyone a glass of water from the jug. The jug was full of ice, so I was pouring gently so as not to send huge lumps of ice into someones glass and make a mess everywhere.
Unfortunately, my attempts at pouring gently were vastly misjudged and I ended up throwing water and ice all over the place.
The restaurant was only just up the road from me, so we used to go there quite often and they never let me forget it.

Edit - I should add that I never actually soaked anyones leg during my clumsiness.

Sooooo many applicable stories - here's 2.

1) When I first started life as a trainee accountant not only was I expected to make with the adding and writing but also the makings of the tea and coffee. I made a couple of drinks for the senior partner's clients and went up to the boardroom with them on a tray. I took the cup of coffee off for the gentleman and leant forward to put it on the table and watched in horror as the cup of tea for the nice lady slid off the tray and emptied the contents all over her. I didn't get asked again.

2) When I was but a bairn we had a really big garden that my folks hadn't done much with so my mates and I decided that obviously there was buried Roman treasure beneath the surface so spent a day digging it up. My mate's hole was bigger than mine (fnaar) so in a fit of pique I went back after he had gone home and attempted to fill it in. The very first stroke with the garden fork went straight into my foot. I was wearing Jebus Sandals at the time so it pierced the skin and went quite deep. I ran /hopped screaming to the house and when I told my Dad what had happened he just completely and utterly pissed himself. Bastard. I've still got a scar.

I once threw the tray in with the rest of the garbage on it after eating in a food court. Whoops.

I wrote my wifes car off. That was pretty clumsy.

Oh yeah, gardening.
While trying to break a branch off a bigger branch, I decided the best way to do it would be to wedge down the main branch and pull the smaller one until it snapped.
The plan worked perfectly apart from the fact that it snapped and hit me in the face, nearly taking out my eye.

Hah! A few weeks ago, I was in a cafe with Lisa. They were waiting on something so said they would bring our order over to us. Lisa was already sat down with Chloe, so I headed towards them with a tray with a couple of cans of pop on it. As I tried to walk to our table the ailses were very narrow and I had to lift the tray up high so I didn't hit the old ladies to my left on the head with my handbag. Unfortunatly this led to the cans sliding off the tray and hitting the two teenage girls to the right instead. One each. Bang on. Lisa was reduced to a puddle and tried to hide under the table. Bah.

I absent-mindedly scraped my dinner into the bin straight after preparing it once. Man was I pissed.

The ex print manager at our place hired a bobcat to do a little landscaping in his garden. He went through an electricity main and took the power out for his whole road (simultaneously electrifying the Bobcat he was sat in) and also in a separate incident accidently exhumed his half decayed cat.

Man, I'd punch myself in the face for that.

At least you got it to the plate - I have managed to drop stuff getting it out of the oven many times. Best coverage being a lasagne most common being pizza.

Immense rage usually follows.

I NEVER drop food, I reckon I'd throw myself underneath it if I ever did.

Once, a pretty girl that was trying to 'get with' was showing all the right signs. We were heading home to her house, pizza in hand, very 'happy'. The crazy girl decided that I was so damn sexy that she wanted a piggy back, right there and then, without telling me her intentions. As she jumped onto my shoulders, I was split between saving the pizza and carrying the lady. My drunken mind reached a shoddy compromise: Fall flat on my face and bleed profusely. Needless to say, the lady and I did not share relations that evening, but she did rub TCP on my wound (fnar).

That explains why you're so fat.

Once, my better half made a massive curry in a wok for us and 2 guests. As she lifted the wok from the hob, the handle twisted, tipping the entire curry over most of the kitchen. We ran into the kitchen to investigate the screams to find the wife standing, twisted wok in hand, covered from the waist down in chicken korma. Man, how we laughed.

Plus Myps, everytime I pork your mum she gives me a biscuit.

Everytime I biscuit your mum, she gives me a pork

EDIT: ME POST ARSE FLAPS

Girlfriend in a Korma, I know, I know, it's serious.

You're just trying to curry favour with aren't you?

Myp once gave me a very important letter to post. I walked passed a post box which was next to a bin and guess which one I put it in?

So that's what happened to those Beex mix cds.

A couple of years ago, I poured a kettle of boiled water all over my left hand, owing to extreme head-in-clouds absent-mindedness. The top layer of skin was removed entirely, and it took about six months to heal properly. It was also difficult to keep clean, because washing would usually slough off new skin and expose everything again, but, bizarrely, there's no scarring! You'd think nothing had ever happened to it.

Also, I managed to smash a very heavy sink off a wall whilst brushing my teeth, last year, after my mind seemingly forgot that my physical form includes a pair of fully-functioning legs. The heels of my palms crashed down onto it in a bewildered attempt to keep me upright, cracking the ridiculously large, almost cuboid basin in two, but not before my entire lower body had swung underneath it, my stomach clearly more than happy to receive the full weight of both halves.

Edit: Oh, and I once drunkenly pulled some bunk beds onto their sides as I sprang for the top one a little too eagerly.

Many (many) years ago I was attempting to install a cd writer in my pc. I was struggling to remove the 5 1/4" bay cover when it suddenly gave way and my hand followed it rapidly, sinking into the frame of the case. I still have a small scar just below my thumb.

Edit - I have also broken numerous plates/bowls/glasses by randomly throwing cutlery into the washing up bowl in such a way that it causes them to smash.

The other week I strolled to Waterloo, clipped the top steps outside and landed straight onto my knees.

Still with bruised knees I parked my car in Winchester on the Friday night and wandered back to a hotel. I glanced back at the car as I went in between two cars, decided it was parked very nicely and sped up. That meant that my foot caught the kerb in front of me at speed and I went down like a sack - caught the right side on my shin, my hand went straight into the wing mirror turning my hand upside-down and then I took most of my weight on the back of my left hand. The next day I realised I must have hit the car on my left with my shoulder because that hurt almost as much as the hand. I've still not got full use of it back.

Pretty clumsy week, that one.

A friend was opposite me, having a beer. I noticed that although I had only had about two mouthfuls of watered down beer my gestures were rather large. After a few minutes I noticed my friend was absolutely soaked through. I asked what had happened to him and it turned out that he was returning back to his seat with his pint when I accidentally tipped the whole pint over him. I apologised a LOT. I thought he said he was going back home to get changed (as we all lived very close by) but a few minutes later he was still sitting there, soaking wet. I asked why he hadn't gone back home to get changed. It turned out he had, but upon returning to the pub he went to the bar to get a new pint, and on his way to his seat I managed to knock this whole second pint over him.

You and GJ need to have some sort of face off.

I've done something similar with one of the blanking plates that used to cover PCI ports, on the back of the case.

Trying to get a blanking plate off and it wouldn't budge, so I was trying to force it out with my finger. The blanking plate shifted, gave way completely and my finger shot through the gap - two very sharp bits of metal cut my finger to ribbons on either side and I bled for hours.

Gnnnngh.

Smashing crockery is hard to do. I was once very upset and I thought that I wanted to break something and I picked a mug (it was the mug with a picture of the Queen on it, which used to amuse Craig, he was horrified when I admitted this).

I took it into the garden on the path and threw it down and the thing would not break. I raised it above my head and threw it hard and still wouldn't break. I tried a few times and gave up, and took it back inside and we still have that mug, I dunno, six or seven years later.

The pint-spilling man must be my doppelganger. I can't think of anyone else who would take that so well twice, without so much as a "Heeeeey! Careful!"

Ooh - I thought of one. About two weeks ago I jumped off a small wall that must have been all of a foot high onto the decking at the bottom of the garden. It was unfortunately slightly mossy and slightly icy, so my feet slid out from under me and I thumped down onto the deck. It was the first time I've fallen over in at least ten years, so I lay there in total surprise for a good couple of minutes.

That amused me greatly.

To be honest, I have rarely witnessed my own destructive powers first hand. Usually what happens is I will idly toss a teaspoon into the washing up bowl and then when I look later the washing up bowl contains a teaspoon and a bowl, except the bowl has a big hole in it.
Possibly, there is some phantom crockery smasher that has followed me around trying to make me feel guilty.

I also managed to get a foot long, one inch wide dark purple bruise spanning both bum cheeks whilst I was out one night (another occasion), like I had been hit hard with a 12" school ruler. Never worked out how that got there, though the next day it was the after-show party and we had a bit of a posh 'do' at a tutors very swanky house, where I elected to show him and everyone else my spectacular bruise as we all had a quiet glass of wine and stupid nibbly bits of cheese.

The more I recount the more embarrassed I am.

@Klatrymadon - he may well have said something, I was deaf to all but myself - heck, he managed to get home, changed and back in what I thought was about 2 minutes, but he actually was the kind of guy that'd just sit there and think 'oh well'.

My PC-related clumsiness involved me checking to see if a fan was spinning by lowering my hand near it to see if I could feel the air blowing. I wasn't actually looking at what I was doing though and I found out the fan was on when it cut my fingers and spattered blood in the case. Oops.

Going back a bit, I was walking from pub to pub late one night with my hands in my coat pockets when I found one of those cable wraps for bundling newspapers in lying on the pavement. I say 'found', it was more me getting both legs caught in it and it bringing me crashing to the ground. My girlfriend at the time helped me up and once she knew I was ok, spent the rest of the evening laughing at me.

I opened the door to my office in my face this morning. It's still quite sore.

Is the likelihood of you knocking over a cup of tea proportional to the number of times someone says 'mind that tea' in any given hour? I don't knock over cups of tea apart from when Craig incessantly repeats 'watch that tea!' in my ear all afternoon.

That's an unusual place to have an office. (trad. arr.)

A couple of years ago, I ran a babysitting service for holiday makers in (SNIP! NO! - Ed).

Bloody head incidents;

1) I was trying to print something out to the colour photocopier that wouldn't fit on the page properly and the copier was downstairs so I was up and down five or six times trying to get it right. I had a deadline of 5:00pm before the post got picked up so was getting a bit shirty. I thought I had solved it and went down at 4:55pm to collect my masterpiece only to discover it had now moved to about 10cm off the page. In a rage I screwed it up, threw it in the recycle bin and stormed out. Only I didn't storm out - I stomped straight into the edge of the door that had swung back since I had entered the room. Massive cut on my head followed with blood trickling into my eyes, I was well dazed but still had to sit there at my PC trying to get the fucking printout right with blood all over my forehead.

2) Picked up a boxed printer from a supplier, popped the boot then lifted the box to put it in the boot. Boot hadn't gone high enough up but I couldn't see as I had the delivery note in my mouth which had blown in front of my eyes with the wind. Therefore smashed fohead on edge of boot and went "OW FOR FUCK'S SAKE - DOZY BASTARD" then got in car to avoid looking any more stupid and drove off. 2 minutes into journey back to office there's blood in my eyes, head smashage had resulted in a nice big cut so I wipe blood from eyes constantly on way back to office, walk through front doors with printer, blood all over my face and hands looking like I have got Gwyneth Paltrow's head in my box.

These are two of the most clumsiest things (don't want to list my whole life here) that I've done so far:

I was about 16, coming down the stairs at home and eating a mince pie (loves 'em!) the foil cup fell off the bottom of it onto the step below-I trod on it, slipped, my feet went up in the air and I banged all the way down the stairs. I smushed the pie into my hair and also for some reason threw some up the front door-there was pie everywhere.

I cried out, 'Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!' as I really had hurt myself

My mother, the evil cow , was laughing in the kitchen because my family all do that nervous 'oh shit they've hurt themselves, I'm going to laugh!' so after she'd laughed she came into the hallway and saw me sprawled on the floor with mince pie in my hair, on my face, up the door, everywhere....you can guess how that went-yep, laughing fit for another 20 minutes or so

The next thing was quite simple. I was eating a ham salad bap and was typing with one hand at work as I didn't have time for lunch. I sent off an email to the wrong person and I face-palmed....I had salad cream in my hair and ham on my face-how stupid

You seem to be quite good at wearing your food.

'like' you'd been hit? Experienced?

I just can't remember how it happened, truth be told, but that was the shape of it, exactly the size of a school ruler, and dead straight. Who knows. I slept all night on top of a picnic basket next to my bed rather than in my bed once, so I dare say it was something stupid like that.

Eating disorders can be quite serious actually.