Be Excellent To Each Other

Holla!
Mrs Grim... is off to hospital next week, and this time I'll be stuck with the Grimlet, so it's fucking IMPERATIVE she gets well quickly.
Last time, many people were excellent enough to leave her a message, which I then printed out and gave to her. Some excellent people even included or drew pictures.
If you could do it again, that would be acebest

Dear Mrs Grim...

Please get better most soonest, as, if nothing else, you surely don't want the Grimlet... left alone with his reprobate father to learn yet more bad habits.

Good luck and best wishes!

Chris

Dear Mrs Grim...,

I hope you feel betterist soon.

Love from myoptika, aged 26 and three-quarters.

Dear Mrs Grim...
Did you know that you are referred to as Mrs Grim... on the internet? Wot a lark eh? Anyway, get better soon, hugs and kisses, the internet.

Dear Mrs Grim...

It is it's fucking IMPERATIVE that you get well quickest again. Mr Grim... told me to say that.

I am afraid that I can't draw pictures. I mean, I can, but they are a bit rubbish. By a bit rubbish, I mean, elephants with paintbrushes in their trunks look at them and shake their heads slowly. Or maybe I'm attending the wrong art classes. I can't even offer you a jaunty tune to whistle along with, as I can't whistle. Or write tunes. Well, I did try once, and, as I was busking at the age of 16 it worked quite well. Where quite well was 8 quid. Ho hum.

Tell you what, to pass the time, can you write a review of Mirror's Edge for me. It doesn't matter that you haven't played the game, just write the thing in the style of a letter to an ex girlfriend, explaining how, at times, it was really quite awesome, but at othertimes, it was a melee of frustration and love. One thousand words would be good. It'll end up on a webiste, and, probably with my name on it, but I have the Get out clause that the ex girlfriend will not be named as Ruby, Olivia, Grace, Emily, Jessica, Chloe, Sophie, Lily, Mia, Lucy, Amelia, Derek, Evie, Ella, Katie, Ellie, Charlotte, Summer, Megan, Hannah, Ava.

Then, after that, Can you do the Guardian quick crossword, then the T2 crossword, and get someone to send me the answers, so I can look cool in front of the college girls.

Even though I have never met you, you let Mr Grim.. build what is, frankly, a silly machine. An enterprise I wholly applaud, and, as a result, I think you are Acebest.

Get back soon, other wise Mr Grim... will be sending Grim...let into bits of car to polish things that people will never see anyway, which is a bit wrong.

But let Mr Grim... continue to take the Grimlet out in the Superman costume as it's, frankly, one of the funniest mental images I've had in a while. And you know that to. But stop Mr Grim.. fighting with knife weilding maniacs on the tube, as well.

Lots of love, Malia.

Hello, this is Chinnyhill off the internet.

Your illness is obviously caused by not using enough Amstrad CPC's. If you use an Amstrad CPC every day, you will get better.

You also need to kiss a picture of Alan Sugar every morning.

That is all.

Get well soon!

Dear MRS GRIMMDOTDOTDOT.

Hope you get better soon. Infact by the time you read this I hope your already so well that your at the stage in being ill where you are just secretly putting in on so that you get a mini -hols in bed.

Also - please steal some of Grim...'s money and send it me ASAP. That or an acre of land will do.

Lave Station aged 27 and one sixth.

Dear Mrs Grim...

Please get well soon. Granted, we won't have to look after the Grimlet... ourselves, but we'll have to listen to Grim... complaining about it in his big booming voice.

Love,

Meaty Angle

Mimi Is acebest.

Dears Mrs Grim...

Make sure you take your time recuperating but I hope whatever ails you can be remedied soon.

Lots of hugs

DB

Get well soon Mrs Grim.

The longer you stay in hospital the more toys he'll buy.

(and he's been asking if anyone knows who's willing to tattoo babies)

x

Oh and while we're in the process of changing usernames again, demand that the mods change Grim...'s posting name to Matty Poppins for the duration of MrsGrim...'s convalescence

Dear Mrs Grim...,

Can you tell me how to pronounce that, please? Do you have to pause slightly every time you say Grim...'s name? Because that's what I do in my head. Actually, if you could clarify where the possessive apostrophe goes as well that would be lovely.

Also, get better soon.

Best wishes,


Rodders.

Dear Mrs Grim...

I am writing to you as the only known realtive of MISTER PATRICE MWUAMBAMAMA. I am sorry to inform you that MISTER MWAMWAMBSAMA perished recently in a plane crash outside the Nigerian city of Obama, in the province of Kerrykatona.

As the executor of his estate, I am pleased to inform you that you are the receiver of the inheritence of TWENTY FIVE MIRRION DORRARS. In order to receive your funds, you musy provide me with your bank account details, including sort code, account number and a photograph.

The timing of the release of these funds is critical. Please get well soon, in order to live your life beyond your wildest dreams and before the forces of the rebel MYPSYWOO tribe and their vicious leader CHEIF UMBERTO MALIA sieze all the assets of your relative MISTER BAMALANGADINGDONG.

Regards

Mr P.L Issken
Accounts Clark
THIRD NATIONAL BANK OF NIGERIA
Tel: (01) 811 8055

Dear Mrs G,

Message is a collection of suggestions for your stay, beginning
Right here
So, my plan is this
Go to hospital
Read our messages
Immediately worry about where we might lead Grim...
Move straight on to Get Well Soon street
.
.
.
Get well soon - this must be said again after that pause, for it is important
Eat well and order quickly, while the hospital still offers meat on the menu
Test the bedside entertainment system as soon as possible
Wake at an unholy hour and enjoy that feeling of 'where the hell am I?'
Ennui. Like an ellipsis on Beex, it's bound to arrive at some point - treat it as a pause in life
Look forward to being outside - maybe it will snow for your going home celebration
Liven up the ward by seeing if you can synchronise in a merry rendition of "cough, splutter... blessed silence"
Steal at least one thing while you are there, even if it is not a drug or very sharp thing
Open cards and bathe in bountiful supplies of goodwill
Ogle the nurses. Please do this for us if there are not any for you
Necessity means you must go to hospital and be home as soon as possible, for you are essential.

Yes, and I'll know if you don't. For that reason, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy really annoys me.

Dear Mrs Grim...

Mr Grim... promised to outfit all my Little Savages with Overshields and Weapons of Mass Destruction* if I wrote a little note wishing you all the best. I was going to write anyway, but I'll take a bribe if it's offered. So, the bestest of best wishes and I hope you're feeling better soon!

Malc The Seventy Fourth.

*Mr Grim... may try and deny this conversation ever took place, but I can assure you it did.

Grim... also said you'd agreed to let us have beexfest '09 in the lower field, using the stables for accommodation. That's totally ace of you thanks!

Beexfest 2009 should be an English Beexfest, but I think that we should go abroad for 2010 and have a Continental Beexfest.

Excellent

Dear Mrs. Grim,

Malingering will not be tolerated.

Best,

GY x

Dear Mrs Grim...

Grim... spends more time on the boards while you are away.

Please get well really, really soon.

Love and hugs,

Curiosity.

Dear Mrs Grim...,

I hope you get well soon.

As I lack the wit to write an amusing letter and am too devoid of artistic talent to draw a cartoon, I thought I'd hit the 'random article' button on Wikipedia a few times to generate true facts about our amazing world for you to think about whilst you are in hospital:

- Alexandre Mendy is a Czech footballer who plays for FK Mladá Boleslav

- The II Corps of the Grande Armée was commanded by Marshal Nicolas Oudinot during the 1812 invasion of Russia by Napoleon

- RP11-217H1.1 is another name for the implantation-associated protein gene

- Pop music in British Columbia pop music is centred around Vancouver

- Miramichi Airport is 1.8 miles south of Miramici, New Brunswick, Canada, and has a 5,899 ft runway (1,798m)

- The smallest community college in East Sussex is in Robertsbridge.

All the best,

Kern
(PS make sure Grim... only buys seedless grapes)

Dear Mrs Grim...,

although you don't know me, I feel like I know you. Grim... has spent many a cold night lauding your praises in thread after thread across the whole internet, to such an extent that we all feel as if we have known you our entire lives.

Now it comes to pass that you are not well, and have to spend some time in hospital, or as the the French say, dans l'hopital. This unfortunate scenario leaves our hero Grim... left, quite literally, holding the baby. So, as many time before, Grim... runs straight to the place he knows best for aid and advice. After leaving the pub, he then posted something on a nerd forum about how some of us may wish to express our heartfelt wishes for your speedy recovery, given that we know you so well, and that he will take our forum away if we don't.

With such a threat display of affection before us, how could we not rise to the occasion? How could we stand idly by and not respond in a manner befitting gentlemen and ladies of such standing (and myp)? Well, I tell you, we could not. Simply look at the riches laid out before on the most expensive printer paper Grim... could buy. Look at the expensive bunch of flowers and box of chocolates we asked, begged, beseeched Grim... to buy you on our behalf. We know that these are merely trivial nic-nacs, but we hope that it expresses in some small way, our best wishes to you.

Yet, there is another character in this story, one yet to be mentioned, one, it has been observed, with superpowers. Yes, none other than the Grimlet... himself. Now, you may be worried about how the Grimlet... will cope on a diet of beans on toast, coca cola and used cigarette butts, but worry not. Look how well, eagerly even, Grim... takes on the task of looking after the Grimlet..., and know that there is nothing to worry about, other than for you to get well soon, so you can be reunited in your family home, and live happily ever after.

Get well soon Mrs Grim,

Love and Hugs,
Bobbyaro.

Get well soon Mrs Grim...

Dear Mrs Grim...

It would be nice to think that the healing power of the internet somehow makes you have a speedy recovery.
I am sceptical, but I am willing to give this a chance as it can only lead to bad things if the Grimlet has to spend to much time with Grim...

Your home should stay trim,
don't leave it to him
for your man can be dim
and splash on the rim
or rename your son Tim,
perhaps even Jim*
I wish you great vim,
All the best, Mrs Grim...





*Yeah, OK - I'm reaching now.

Dear Mrs. Grim...



Get well soon, or he goes in the blender.

Love

-Tom

Cunt!

When I was a child in hospital my mother got me a Cadburys Chocolate Orange. However the nurses took it away and never gave it back.

I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN THIS OUTRAGE! DO YOU HEAR ME? I WANT MY CHOCOLATE ORANGE BACK! AND ALSO THE BAG OF CRISPS YOU TOOK! SALT AND VINEGAR GOLDEN WONDER!!!!

Ahem.... Sorry, it was a big deal when I was 4/5 years old. Still makes me want to kick nurses in the shins. BASTARDS!!!!!

Dear Mrs Grim...

Here's hoping your husband is better than my wife's. For when she was in hospital lately for an out patient operation on her wrist she called me to pick her up once it was all finished - she told me "Ward 9, Room 3" or some such so I drove off to pick her up found ward nine and room 3 but no Mrs Trousers. I had a slight panic and looked around but mainly the ward was full of older people with a bag of piss attached to them.

I then left the ward and rang her up on my mobile, the Patientline million quid a minute system basically then said to me "You've actually rang this number loads of times today and every time it has said 'Thank you for calling Castle Hill Hospital press 1 to spend more money 2 to empty your bank account etc' - stupid boy". Of course I wasn't actually at Castle Hill hospital I was at The Royal Infirmary. Fucking miles away.

So take solace in your enforced sabbatical that your husband is very likely a lot less shit than me.

Trousers

Dear Mrs Grim...

Although Mr Grim... wants you to get better as soon as possible, he secretly wants to spend more and more time with the Grimlet so don't hurry back into your old routine. Put your feet up, let Grim... do everything and when you're feeling better, don't let on for another couple of weeks.

Mr Devilman

Get well soon Mrs Grim...!

Hope everything goes well.

This has just reminded me of when my Sister and I were taken to hospital by mum because we stuck Tic-Tacs up our noses.

Get well soon

Oh I'm fine now Shin. That was years ago.

Get well soon Mrs Grim...,

And don't worry about anything whilst you are in hospital - everything is under control. We've checked with the insurance company, and you're covered even if all those barrels of paraffin catch fire, the weasels are all securely locked up, we've all taken our chainsaw safety certificates, the safety catches on most of the shotguns work fine, the floorboards will easily take the heat the furnace will generate, you can barely even hear that metal press from next door and even if something does go wrong, we've worked out that it's possible to get outside the blast radius with plenty of time to spare after the reactor goes critical.

So relax and concentrate on getting better!

Get well soon Mrs Grim..., I'm sure the doctors and nurses will be pulling out all the stops to make you better. But just in case they're being a bit lazy and spending too much time on their twisted-folk-of-medicine-talk-guff forums, we of BETEO have pledged to destroy their online communities through a cunning campaign of trolling, subversion and machievellian hi-jinks. Their forums and online relationships in tatters, they will have no option but to knuckle down immerse themselves in their work to distract from the pain of a shattered internet community.

Also, hope the view out of your ward window is pretty and snowy and stuff, and that Grim... is doing all necessary housework during your hospital-holiday thing.

HUGS etc
x

Watch out for nurses with prayer cards Mrs G...

They'll get Christian on your ass.

So that's how He raised Lazarus from the dead.

No, they needed the bed space.

Get well soon, my little son has, see him happily playing with his DS a few days after the operation

Has Jens fully recovered now mate?

Hello All,

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I am safely back in charge of the Squirrel household and I'm sure all your amusing messages contributed to my speedy recovery.

You'll be pleased to know that somehow the Grimlet survived the controversial influences of his father! Even though his hair was gelled into a Mohawk on one visit!!

I am, however, still waiting for the chocolates and flowers that you asked Grim... to buy me!!!

Thanks again for all the hillarious messages, they were much appreciated.

Lots of love

Mrs Grim...
xxx

No worries, Mrs Grim...

Pleased you are once again captain of the good ship Grim...