Good and bad - The USA and you
Another epic in Coffey posting. This time I bring you the title of the thread because if I retyped it it wouldn't seem right somehow so instead I end up typing a lot more.
Grab your tea/coffee and pull up a pew. This time we go into *actually* living in the USA and what joys and pitfalls it can behold. I will start with the bad because I don't really like bad things.
BAD -
1. Immigration (will also make it into good for the same reasons. Good if you're a citizen and do the right thing by your nation, bad if you're an outsider like I was).
Firstly it's all but impossible to get a permanent status in the USA unless you intend to marry a citizen. I chose to marry someone whom I met in 1998 in a chat room. See? it does happen.
We chatted away for about two years, then in 2001 my (now ex) wife flew to the UK. Soon after we decided to marry and in September of 2001 (two weeks after 9/11) we sailed the seas from Southampton to Boston (NY was closed as you can understand).
You may have noticed lately the papers are bragging about our new immigration system? where they say you have to go 5 years with no assistance, then after that you can apply for citizenship to the UK, and finally after 10 years you can get full benefits? That's nothing new. The USA has been like that for many years. And that's the system I had to go through.
It sucks if you're not from there, but at the same time I couldn't argue with it at all. The worst part is you cannot visit the hospital unless you fancy a steep bill.
I had an accident within a month of being out there (BMX crash) and faced a $7000 bill for a smashed elbow. Thankfully my travellers insurance was good and they paid for it, but it was a scare.
So until your ten years are up you get no help, you're taxed higher and you have to purchase full medical benefits (about $350 a month). You can't get welfare but you can claim unemployment (your ex employer pays it) sadly, working in the USA is barbaric and they always fucking fight you over it.
2. Unemployment, general work in the USA.
The laws in some states in the USA are fucking awful for workers. NJ being one of them. Before you start work you sign a contract to say that they can fire you at any time, for ANY reason (even if they don't like your shoes you are wearing that day) This sucks because in call centers obviously the longer you are there the more money they have to pay, so they simply fire you and find someone who will do it cheaper. Totally flaunting the law and using it to their advantage.
3. No public transport. This was a total shock. Here is where I used to live -
Which was in the ass end of nowhere -
8 miles from any kind of town or civilization. Now of course this is utterly awesome if you like peace and quiet, animals and loud music. All of which can be enjoyed without anyone poking their nose in your business. It does however suck ass when you grew up in Brixton and worked in Streatham and thus, don't have a car or any means of transport. Yep, in 90% of places in the USA you MUST own a car. Life is totally impossible without one.
4. Deadly animals and insects.
Now the East Coast (quickly want to point out that the east coast is about fifty times more intelligent than the south) isn't that bad for deadly things. But, we did have timber rattlers, black widows and worse of all brown recluse spiders. These fuckers don't kill you, they just bite you with a toxin that devours your flesh and rots you. The only 'cure' is being hit with a tazer to kill the flesh. Something I really didn't want to have to try.
This was at the zoo in Ohio.
5. no healthcare for the poor/lower middle classes.
If something like this happens
You just have to grit your teeth, throw on a band aid and live with it. Because a hospital or doctors visit will cost you about $2000.
OK time to stop whining. I'll move onto the good
General motoring. This will be one of the longest parts of this post.
Cheap insurance ($50 a month) cheap cars and cheap petrol. However, before you all attack me because the yanks get cheap gas please consider the cost of living in other ways. The massive health insurance costs, high taxes and whatnot. It all works out, trust me.
Here was the car I had. It was the second of two I had, first being a Taurus SHO (same car Robocop had) it was too thirsty and a Ford, so had to go.
I know, it's not going to appeal to many. The interesting thing however is that I built this car. Nothing untoward there, but in the USA you have room to do things like this, and thus can do them yourself. I hardly spent anything on the car, I think the paint was $170 delivered and (though you can't see it here) was holographic. At certain times of the day the car would change to green, then orange and the fenders (wings) would achieve depth (like a hologram). Inside i had 3 amps, 2 headunits (one dvd one audiophile cd) a overhead 10" tft along with gamecube, race seats and harnesses and god knows what else. Total outlay was just over $2k and the car sold for nearly 4, 3 years after I got it.
Better though is the ability to drive that car, and drive it properly. 800 mile drives are not infrequent in the USA. The roads are perfect and like a baby's bum. The sheer size of the place makes for some incredible drives. My car was fast (once the engine was done) reliable and made a lovely noise. Hammering down I95 @ 100 mph with the sound system roaring and being able to keep the speed for over 200 miles without changing roads or lanes was fabulous. So relaxing and stress free !
Radar detectors are legal in most states so I only ever got one ticket.
2. The places. The scenery.
The USA contains more 'unfucked' space than anywhere I have ever been in my entire life. The best of all those that I came accross was maryland. Famous here for their cookies, pronounced marrylind, it has some of the most breathtaking scenery the world has yet offered me.
What made MD (the abbreviated word) even better was I had friends there. Filthy rich ones. So twice a year I would kick back, clean up and fuel the car and head off there for my 'vacation'.
Pic time.
MD50west (road)
Heading down to my pal's place
Front face of his property
1/4 mile later
His house, $5m (pool wasn't finished)
We'd all just love a back garden like this one
Hey look, it's one of them fish people bought for christmas all those years ago.
So obviously that stuff is only for the rich? sorta. In the USA the quality of life is tenfold of here. Mostly because they have the space.
Here is a couple of pics of my flat. Not bad for someone who worked in a call center. And very peaceful and quiet. I lived on a lake, so fishing was seconds away.
Everything is mellow and country in NJ, shot of my enormous living room.
I had two reserved parking spaces. The heat and water were free (so winter was cheap) all for $850 a month.
3. Cheap things.
We all love quality stuff, be it electronics, toys or whatever. Car parts are incredibly cheap, as are all the other nice things we like.
This is the front stage of the audio system I had in my car. Won't mean much to many people. These speakers were made by a company called Clif Designs, one of the USA's finest audophiles in the car business. I got them on clearance for $45 the lot. Bear in mind there's a set of 6.5" components AND 3.5"
So luxuries like this are available to all. Which is well cool likes.
4. Exotic animals.
Whilst in the USA I was introduced to Bengal cats. These are freely available here in the UK, but theyre much closer to the real leapord cat out there (F1..) Here was my cat
He used to hunt wild things. Like turkeys and buzzards. Which was cool.
I recently got a bengal here, but she's half the size (still my fluffywoowoopoopoos tho)
5. The people. This part is incredibly important..
Never in my entire life have I felt like I belonged somewhere and mattered like I did in the USA. The level of care that friends show for one another is truly remarkable. Being completely alone and vulnerable there (no family etc) left me exposed to shit. But I didnt worry that much because I had the most caring and amazing friends I have ever had anywhere. They say in the USA "I got your back bro" and they truly mean it. Without those friends I would be utterly fucked now. The very fact I am typing this is down to several friends who helped carry me.
Yes theyre larger than brits. But larger in many ways, the heart being the most important. Here is my buddy Ryan. He's the guy who has the house in MD and used to give me free vacations, free food and pretty much anything I needed or wanted during my stays there.
My wife left me a week before the lease was up on our flat we had. She came and took all her stuff, I was stuck. I phoned my friend and within 8 hours he was there, with a van, and moved all my stuff to my new place.
I also met some really crazy characters out there. Including real genuine gang bangers. See, in NJ there is a small place called Camden, which for the last 8 years has had the highest crime rate nationwide.
I will call this lady 'Mim' as I dont fancy divulging her real name. She took me to Camden to meet real gangsters. It was a bowel loosening experience, but one that brought me no harm and opened my eyes.
This is a pic of her 'ranking'. She offered to batter my ex wife. I didnt take her up on it but still, nice gesture lmfao.
6. Baseball & food.
I won't go into the food too much. Unless you have eaten a Philly cheese steak you haven't lived. I will post a recipe and how to for those soon.
Baseball. I fucking LOVE baseball. Always have and always will. I lived about 30 mins out of Philadelphia so baseball was native to me. Oh, and the phillies won the world series this year. THOSE CUNTS. Trust them to wait until I had come home !
Going to a baseball game is as cheesy as it gets. No crown violence, no hate, just fun. Everyone sings "Take me out to the baaaaall park" before the game begins and during the intervals they have the mascot come out with a Tshirt launcher. Akin to a grenade launcher it fires free Tshirts into the crowd. Baseball isnt just about the sport, it's a whole day out full of fun.
After which they have enormous firework displays. It's no wonder my computer room looks like this.
7. 4th of July. Simply an amazing experience.
8. Cheap Timberlands. Everyone has them in NJ. All different kinds of colors and styles. Main part is that if you go to the right place you can get them from between $35 and $50.
Noone cares how battered they are, as long as they work. Here is a pair of mine, they were like an old friend.
And my new ones. Again, not to everyones taste but it doesnt matter what they look like. Its how they perform.
9. Cheap expressive clothes.
here are the 4 tshirts I bought for about $5 each (the dragula ones were $3) before coming home.
I'm a huge Zombie fan. Any way.. I wore the top left one here once, and was called all kinds of names whilst walking down the street. "FREAAAK" being the most notable.
That's something that doesn't happen in the USA. It seems people have respect to all walks of life and don't open their chav scum mouthes and hurl abuse at one another.
10. Public etiquette (sic?)
I will never ever forget the first few weeks in the USA. It felt like a dream, like it wasnt happening.
From the moment we arrived I was faced with the largest people I have ever seen. Anyone who has seen Trading Places with Eddie Murphy will remember the scene with the two enormous black guys ("Right outside? YEAH") Get used to that.
We went to the local Wawa (kinda like a 7/11) and the largest most frightening looking black man I had ever seen was leaving the store. I stepped to one side, he opened the door and held it. I froze. My ex wife pushed me and asked what the fuck the problem was. I just blurted out "I dont trust him, he's going to let the door go in my face".
Even though Brixton was thousands of miles behind me I was not prepared for acts of human kindness like this. And it took many weeks and months of mistrust before I finally got into their way of life.
If you hold the door for someone, EXPECT a thankyou, sometimes followed by a sir. When you go to a diner, expect the waitress to be genuinely polite and actually give a fuck about your experience there.
When you're at a store expect top service. You will get it. They will bend over backwards to help you, not send some spotty kid out who will vanish off to the back for a wank and totally dissapear on you.
When I got home I went to PC world to buy a new computer. After waiting for an hour (I did ask for help, see spotty kid above) I just cracked out my screwdriver and took the fucker apart to answer the questions I had myself, because it was obvious no other cunt was going to do it for me.
Another part about the USA is the open-ness. I had a Buck hunting knife for skinning deer. If I went to my local ACME to get my food shopping it wouldnt be uncommon for me to carry it on my belt, or trim and pick my fingernails with it whilst walking around the store. Remember, this was a 7" serrated blade for skinning deer. Noone batted an eyelid.
The paper bags at the supermarket are awesome too. Theyre silly, and serve no real purpose, but its fun and oldskool
11. Local services. Wawa, Dunkin Donuts and others. Open 24/7 and are piss cheap. A 32oz coffee is about $1.80. Thats nearly a liter.
12. Coffee - simply the finest coffee in the world. anywhere. I know its a cliche that the yanks are obsessed with coffee. But I tell you man, if you worked as hard as they do and for as many hours you would need it too. They are the hardest working race Ive ever lived in. When you get a job you dont get ANY holiday for the first year, and you can earn a maximum of 2 weeks.
Here is a typical NJ Wawa. Picure the scene. You awaked @ 5am for work. Throw on your clothes and dirty old timbs and head off down to the local wawa for a coffee and breakfast. Hop back in your petrol guzzling car and head off into the sunrise.
13. Buy one get one free ciggarettes. Yep, you heard right. 80% of the time companies will give you a free pack of fags when you buy one. Awesome.
And that about rounds it up for now, because my fingers feel like they're going to bleed or something. If I remember any other cool shit I'll add it here
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I suppose you get what you pay for.
