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MaliA
 Post subject: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 10:25 
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Gogmagog

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 48810
Location: Cheshire
My mate, gary the dolphin went into chavpub and the landlord threw him out straight away. When i asked why, the landlord said "I serve no porpoise"

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myp
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 10:32 
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UltraMod

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 55717
Location: California
That makes no sense.

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MaliA
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 10:32 
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Gogmagog

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 48810
Location: Cheshire
no, I'm working on it though.

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MaliA isn't just the best thing on the internet - he's the best thing ever.

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KovacsC
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 10:33 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
Posts: 22610
Location: shropshire, uk
Just ask for the thread to be deleted

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Kovacs: From 'unresponsive' to 'kebab' in 3.5 seconds

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RuySan
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 13:36 
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Excellent Member

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 3542
A bearded man sees a pen on the floor, when he's about to pick it up, the pen says:

-No no, that's not yours!



A bearded men approaches another man on a table and with a pistol pointed at him he says:

- I come from Paraguay to kill you

- From where?

- Para Guay!
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DavPaz
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 13:38 
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Unpossible!

Joined: 27th Jun, 2008
Posts: 38587
Funnier in portugese?
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Zardoz
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 13:38 
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Hibernating Druid

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 49277
Location: Standing on your mother's Porsche
Orange you glad it's not another apple?

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Dimrill
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 13:39 
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Skillmeister

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 27023
Location: Felelagedge Wedgebarge, The River Tib
Why did the hedgehog cross the road? Because it was blind.

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GazChap
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 14:23 
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Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 14312
Location: Shropshire, UK
I was in the pub the other day when Keith Chegwin walked in, went up to the bar and was loudly told to fuck off by the barman. I asked the barman what the deal was, and he said "Cheggers can't be boozers."
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kalmar
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 14:29 
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baron of techno

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 24136
Location: fife
GazChap wrote:
I was in the pub the other day when Keith Chegwin walked in, went up to the bar and was loudly told to fuck off by the barman. I asked the barman what the deal was, and he said "Cheggers can't be boozers."


I don't get it.
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myp
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 14:34 
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UltraMod

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 55717
Location: California
He's got liver cirrhosis and been told if he drinks again, he'll die.

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DavPaz
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 14:40 
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Unpossible!

Joined: 27th Jun, 2008
Posts: 38587
GazChap wrote:
"Cheggers can't be boozers."

'You can't build a pub out of portly giggling man-children'
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Scarysheep3000
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 14:47 
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Lurker

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 993
Location: Wigan
What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes.

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Splendid.

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kalmar
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 14:49 
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baron of techno

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 24136
Location: fife
What's red and invisible and travels at 300x106 m/s in a vacuum?
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Zardoz
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 14:50 
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Hibernating Druid

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 49277
Location: Standing on your mother's Porsche
What's brown and sticky?

Gary Glitters cock.

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Cras
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 14:51 
SupaMod
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Commander-in-Cheese

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 49237
Scaryreindeer3000 wrote:
What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes.


That's long been one of my two favouritest jokes. The other being:

What did Rommel say to his men before they got into their tanks?

"Get into your tanks, men."

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Zardoz
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 14:54 
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Hibernating Druid

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 49277
Location: Standing on your mother's Porsche
A) Dawn French

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Cavey
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 15:46 
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Joined: 23rd Nov, 2008
Posts: 9521
Location: The Golden Country
kalmarzipan wrote:
What's red and invisible and travels at 300x106 m/s in a vacuum?


Infrared radiation. (Although strictly speaking it isn't red 'cause it's invisible to the human eye, see?)

Man, I love these physics gags. Heard the one about the white black hole? He said 'shit man, I can't help being primordial!'

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RuySan
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 15:48 
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Excellent Member

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 3542
Zardasher wrote:
What's brown and sticky?

Gary Glitters cock.


i just came from lunch :spew:
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Zio
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 16:02 

Joined: 31st Mar, 2008
Posts: 6093
RuySan wrote:
Zardasher wrote:
What's brown and sticky?

Gary Glitters cock.


i just came


8)

I feel like I'm doing Zardoz's job for him.
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Dimrill
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 16:03 
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Skillmeister

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 27023
Location: Felelagedge Wedgebarge, The River Tib
Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar...

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Sir Taxalot
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 16:04 
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Can you dig it?

Joined: 5th Apr, 2008
Posts: 4743
Zio-lent Night wrote:
RuySan wrote:
Zardasher wrote:
What's brown and sticky?

Gary Glitters cock.


i just came


8)

I feel like I'm doing Zardoz


:hat:

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rumours about the high quality of the butter reached Yerevan

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MrChris
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 16:04 
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INFINITE POWAH

Joined: 1st Apr, 2008
Posts: 30498
Alabaster Meadows wrote:
Stephen Hawkings walks into a bar...

Who?

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Eagles soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

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Zardoz
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 16:12 
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Hibernating Druid

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 49277
Location: Standing on your mother's Porsche
Old.

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DavPaz
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 16:15 
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Unpossible!

Joined: 27th Jun, 2008
Posts: 38587
Zardasher wrote:
Old.
Macdonald had a cross-thread reference, E-I, E-I, OH!
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myp
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 16:17 
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UltraMod

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 55717
Location: California
Zardasher wrote:
Old.


You're old.

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DavPaz
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 16:18 
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Unpossible!

Joined: 27th Jun, 2008
Posts: 38587
myoptinsel wrote:
Zardasher wrote:
Old.


Your old.

Reverse FeeX.

I'm work-avoiding, sorry
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Zardoz
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 16:21 
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Hibernating Druid

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 49277
Location: Standing on your mother's Porsche
myoptinsel wrote:
Zardasher wrote:
Old.


You're old.


Rather be old than a Virgo wannabe.

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myp
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Thu Dec 11, 2008 18:37 
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UltraMod

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 55717
Location: California
davprezzie wrote:
myoptinsel wrote:
Zardasher wrote:
Old.


Your old.

Reverse FeeX.

I'm work-avoiding, sorry


XeeF, surely?

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TsuMuch
 Post subject: Re: Jokes
PostPosted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 3:00 
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Chu Jung?

Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
Posts: 176
Location: London
What did the 0 say to the 8?

"Nice belt."

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