We need some levity in this forum, stat.
SI units in physics are the basic units of stuff, like metres, seconds, and whatnot. I therefore propose some new units:
- One ChinnyHill will be the amount of eightiesness, calibrated so that the amount of 1980s that occured between 1/1/1980-1/1/1990 is equal to one milliChinny. That means 1CH = 1000 times more 80s that the 80s themselves contained. Any exposure of more than 1microChinny (1uCH) should be consumed with caution; exposures of greater than 150uCH have been known to cause sponteneous outbreaks of shoulderpads and really, really big hair.
- One ComicalGnome is defined as the pricise amount of rage that will result in the person's bile duct spontaneously combusting. The average human person contains between 50 and 80 nanoCGs (nCG) at a typical time, rising as high as 275 nCGs during a trip to Ikea. If you have been exposed to more than 500mCGs, you may find some side effects, such as the ability to kill people with your gaze. Please report immediately for reprocessing.
- One Zardoz is all the filth and innuendo contained in one 24 hour snapshot of the alt.binaries.* newsgroups. Scientists estimate that the filth content of the entire internet is currently between 5-6 kiloZardoz, and increasing at the rate of 1.5Z per day. Exposures of more than 90uZ are often fatal to humans; even at doses as low as 1uZ, permanent mental scarring can occur. If you or anyone you know has come into contact with a greater dose than this, you should seek professional help immediately.
- One Gaywood is defined as the precise quantity of internet fame generated by having a vaguely rude surname being banned by Microsoft. Prominent bloggers such as John Gruber or Harry Knowles may enjoy 500-750 kGWs, whereas prominent meme targets such as Star Wars Kid or Cats from the Zero Wing introduction typically rate around 1MGW. An average forum poster on an internet message board may have accrued 1nGW. Note that even Z-list real celebrities such as John Leslie enjoy many TGWs of fame however, and that studies have shown that even 500MGWs is not sufficient to be recognised on the street by an ISO standard group of passerbys.
- One Glyndwr - the degree by which a funny story can be rendered near-instantly humourless by the revelation of the scientific facts required to debunk the story. 1Gl would be sufficient to turn a story about Zardoz being caught in flagrante in a park with a Spanish poodle called Leroy by the arrival of a busload of schoolchildren into something totally unfunny in less than five seconds, probably by discussion of the genus of Spanish poodles and the nationality of the schoolchildren.
- One Mimi is the amount of cuteness emitted from a concentration of playing kittens equal to the mass of the Sun. Internet pictures of kittens (non-captioned) typically contain several femto-Mimis, rising into the 20-30 fM range if there are balls of twine or other small mammals visible in the shot.
- One Trouser is defined as the amount of time required to elapse, since the release of a game, before the probability that you might obtain first place on your friendslist falls to zero. For 2d arcade shooters, values of 1T seen in the field can be as low as 2-3 days; however the value of 1T can vary for exceptional individuals. For some experimental subjects such as DBSnappa, 1T has been too long to measure experimentally; extrapoloation of known data suggests a value of several decades.
[*]
One Banana is the SI unit of awesomeness, calibrated such that 1kiloBanana (kB) is pure awesome. Despite repeated banana refinement experiments, scientists have never isolatated more than 997.6B of awesome in any given sample; the effects of more awesome than this on the human body are thus unverified.
More please! I'll keep this first post updated with a full list of people's suggestions.
(For the non-scientists, the prefix order from small to large is femto->pico->nano->micro->milli->kilo->mega->giga->tera->peta->exa.)
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