Be Excellent To Each Other

So, I'm coming home from classes, on the bike, taking it easy, enjoying the sunshine and the feel of the wind against my jeans clad legs. Up over the bridge crossing the M40, and down into Merton village. it's a 30mph speed limit through the village, but I'm not in a rush at all. Coming down the other side of the bridge, I kick the bike into 3rd, and let the speed scrub off as the revs drop way, way down.

Entering the vilalge, something is wrong here. A car, coming in the opposite direction has jsut stopped adjacant to a pick up truck, parked (truck is on LHS road, car, RHS) and is blocking it. And the lady driver gets out and starts having a natter with the two blokes on the side of the road.

So I slowly drop down into 1st, and coast to a halt about 8 feet from them, and then, move slowly forward, trying to get a look to see if I can slink by the car, stopped with ignition off, that is blocking the road.

For some reason, the woman says something in my direction, and gets back in the car. Then one of the men by the side of the road shout soemthing along the lines of "We can't get 5 minutes peace in this here village!".

Seizing my chance, I correctly guess that the gap between the pickup and the stopped, motionless, non runing car is big enough and go for the gap and head off at a stately 29 mph.

I've seen the Wicker Man, I know how this shit ends.

I'm still at a loss at what I did to provoke such ire, but have come to the conclusion that they were in the wrong. L'espirit d'escalier suggests to me a correct course of action would have been to stop 3 feet from them, and drop the bike into neutral and hold the throttle at 10,000rpm for a bit and repeatedly shout "WHAT? SORRY" at them.

Funny things, people.

You should write a blog, you know.

He does.

I meant on his own site. And then he could turn it into a book.

That would be ace. Truly, MaliA is a Samuel Pepys for our times.

Just do a search for his posts and print them off.

FAOD, I wasn't taking the piss.

That is a new acronym/initialism on me (don't worry, I looked it up).
I would also read a Mali-Blog, but I am quite happy to read it all here.

Not to be confused with FOAD, of course.



I am lazy. I do not want to have to search through all Mali's posts to sort the jokes from the biographical.

I want a dedicated MaliA thread, then.

I did wonder if you got the middle two letters mixed up, but I thought that might have been a bit harsh.

I always thought it was 10% and add 3 miles, meaning you can pretty much do 80 on the motoroway.

OMG

I'd even pay to have it set up and everything.

Biker FTFY

And there was I wondering why you were slowly being turned into a cyborg

Country Folk FTFY

My wife's from a little village out in t'country. I constantly tease her about the magic of modern technology (running water, tarmac etc) and even after 7 years, she still doesn't laugh.

She once said to me "I didn't even see a black person until I came to uni. Everyone in my village is white. Except for the family that runs the chinese. They're Chinese". I love my wife

Heh. Worth noting, mind, that I'd never do this*.



*My tyres are too expensive, for one thing.

You wife comes from a little village with a Chinese restaurant? That's a fucking town, man. I used to have to drive four miles to buy fucking milk.

And I wouldn't charge much to set it up, either.

Well, Chinese chippy. They didn't sell milk though

A chippy?
Here is my route if I wanted to buy milk.
If it was after 6pm or the weekend, or I wanted something that you can't get from a small village shop (which is a lot of things) it was a trip to this supermarket.

God. I bet it was uphill both ways, too.

Like you didn't send poor old Benson to get get the milk for you. And then you administered a good thrashing if he didn't return in a timely manner.

That sounds a lot like the village (well, hamlet, really) that my in-laws live in, Grim....

Bummer if you got to the corner shop and they'd sold out of what you wanted huh?

Malc

It doesn't just happen in villages.

I was in ASDA last night and bumped into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I thought nothing of it, finished the conversation and carried on shopping.

4 or 5 minutes later an ASDA employee came up to me and says "How are you doing <itsallwater>. Long time no see". I then give him a strange look trying to remember where I know him from and franticly ask him any question I could think of, while wondering why his front teeth are so rotten and if I knew anyone with bad teeth. So I ask him "How long have you been working here then?" in a rather puzzled voice. He says "8 years". I then say "oh kkkk". At which point he jumps in with "I don't actually know you but I overheard your name while you were talking to your friend".

.... I run a very polite mile.

People are weird! Very unnervingly so!

Should've got a cow. They live 30 years you know

That would freak me out. I grew up on a council estate in a large, scummy northen town. NO EYE CONTACT OR YOU DIE!*

*Yep, Medusa grew in Hemlington too!

Not so much once you start slicing bits off for your tea. If you're careful maybe 2, 3?

You'd need to speak to the country folk. We only had feral dogs and rats where I grew up

I nearly took a job near Towcester that was equally "in the middle of nowhere" as that one. I'm very glad I didn't take it. Why? I don't have a car.

The killswitch bit especially.

There's a road just as you come into Caerphilly down the mountain, next to the main railway station. TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW NOW I've approached this road (going slowly, mind... the police station is right there as well) and both times someone has come screaming down the side road to the give way line clearly not intending to stop before looking, seeing me and, panicking/misjudging my speed/finally thinking 'bike', slamming on their brakes. I'll see if I get a hat trick tonight.

Rolling burnout between the cars, shoooorely?

Would it be possible to write 'BASTARDS' on the road in burnt rubber and still have enough tire tread left to escape the inevitable pick up truck full of bumpkins waving farm implements?

That made me chuckle lots. Cheers!

I had a good day today. I met one of Warwickshire's forty black people. That's six I've met now!

It was a little weird coming from hillingdon to here, I must admit.