The UN chatroom, in the near future:
Empire of Sheepeh, Africa: "Let's have a war." Empire of NervousPete, Eurasia: "Sounds good. Things are a bit cluttered, fancy a spring clean." Empire of Fishcakes, South America: "Can I join in? I like nuking, me." Sheepeh & NervyP: "Sure thing! The more the merrier!"
Defcon: "PARP! GAME BEGINS! PAAAARRRRP!"
Sheepeh: "Join alliance." NervyP: "Heh. Okay, never done that before so why not. Don't betray me, okay!?" Sheepeh: "Heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh. Heh. Heh heh heh. Heh..... heh.... heh. Heh." NervyP: "Heh."
Defcon: "ALLIANCE FORMED BETWEEN SHEEPEH AND NERVYP! PRIVATE EYE SHARES GO UP."
Fishcakes: "WTF? Cheers guys. I'm not playing fucking two on one."
Defcon: "FISHCAKES HAS LEFT IN MASSIVE IDIOT-HUFF, MISINTERPRATING POINT OF DEFCON TO BE A LAUGH, NOT A SERIOUS GAME, AND IGNORING INTRIGUING POSSIBILITIES REVOLVING AROUND 'THE PRISONER'S DILEMA'. PAAAARRRRP!"
CPU: "Hello, can I play?"
NervyP and Sheepeh: "Okay. We'll have fun comp-stomping you!"
Sheepeh: "FishcakesCPU is sailing towards me, South Atlantic. Intercepting." NervyP: "I'm on my way!"
NervyP's fleet trundles slowly from the North Pole down to the Atlantic, barely clearing Iceland as ships begin to explode and sink in the FishcakeCPU, Sheepeh fleets.
NervyP: "Aw no, looks like I'm going to miss most of this mutually destructive naval battle. Heh." Sheepeh: "Grrr."
Sheepeh despatches the bulk of the enemy fleet by using his land fighters and ganging up, two on one. Despite this, half his navy is destroyed. NervyP moves in to mop up the remaining enemy as it retreats to the US coast.
Sheepeh: "Thanks a lot, matey." NervyP: "No problem. Hey, are your bombers scouting my country out?" Sheepeh: *Cough* "In a sense..." NervyP: "Shit, nukes inbound! You bastard!"
Defcon: "PAAAARPPPP! SHEEPEH HAS BROKEN ALLIANCE! PAAAARRRRPPP!"
RUMBLE-KA-HWOOM-OCKIE-OCKIE-SCHWAAAARK-RUMBLE! Four of NervyP's cities go up in flames. NervyP considers retaliating immediately with an all-out strike, but what's this...? FishcakesCPU launching a huge wave of bombers and a bundle of missiles from a sub fleet at Sheepeh? That's handy. NervyP instead opts to launch exclusively bombers from one carrier fleet and his continent at the line of radars and airfields in North Africa. They go up easily, with minimal losses.
Sheepeh: "MY EYES!" NervyP: "Heh."
Satisfied that Sheepeh is chastised, NervyP goes for a sub-fleet of Sheepeh's subs but breaks off his attack quickly as he sees that the missiles are aimed at Fischcakes CPU. Meanwhile, FishcakesCPU lobs a few silo missiles at NervyP, as does Sheepeh. NervyP, on full air defence, only loses a couple of cities. Fishcakes only loses a few to the Sheepeh strike, however.
NervyP: "I hope you've learnt your lesson, Sheepeh. Truly, in international nuclear power-politics, one must be excellent to eachother." Sheepeh: "I have learnt. Alliance?"
Defcon: "PAAAARRRRRPPPPP! SHEEPEH AND NERVOUSPETE HAVE MADE AN ALLIANCE. PAAAARRRRPPP!"
NervyP: "Great, I shall move my fleet off South America and prepare for a full drubbing of FishcakesCPU. There. That's my naval units moved away from you and my attention diverted. I trust you will help me this time?" Sheepeh: "A-heh heh heh." NervyP: "Goddammit."
Defcon: "PAAAARRRRP!" SHEEPEH HAS LEFT THE ALLIANCE!"
Fortunately, Sheepeh's second backstab is too flimsy to cause much damage, and NervyP's revenge is terrible! Mid South Africa goes up in smoke, leaving only a couple of silos and a half dozen undamaged cities in South Africa.
Sheepeh: "Shitsters."
NervyP: "Now to deal with FishcakesCPU!"
NervyP moves all his subs up to the West coastline of South America and his carrier bombers off the North East coast. He then launches everything he has, Silos and all, at Fishcakes CPU, in a rolling wave of time-on-target destruction. He makes an alliance with Sheepeh again to show him the wonder of devestation and missile trails. He also launches three nukes at his ally to rub salt into the wound.
KA-WAMMA-WAMMA-RUMBLE-WHOOOM!
FishcakesCPU is entirely wiped out. He plunges to the bottom of the scoreboard, Sheepeh a little ahead, and NervyP striding across the globe like Dr Collossus wearing a lead-shielded cod-piece.
Defcon: "PAAAARRRRRP! NERVYP IS VICTORIOUS! PAAARRRRRPPP!"
Sheepeh: "Shame Fishcakes didn't stick around. I was going to backstab you and ally with him." NervyP: "Dickens, the irony."
Admirably forgiving each other for the mutual megakill of each other's citizens, they proceed to talk about EVE for half an hour. The end.
_________________ "Peter you've lost the NEWS!"
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