Be Excellent To Each Other

"Keep them well shagged and poorly shod, and they'll not wander far" said a man to me, once. He could have been talking about cows, mind. Or he could have been mad. I dunno.

My friend Mike sent me a Donkey Kong t-shirt as a belated birthday present. The invoice thing says "MONKEYS AREN'T DONKEYS" on it.

(That's where they're wrong, of course.)

Got rugby.

They do?

Did anyone see that hing on the TV about the dinosaur snake on more4 last night? There was a snake, in the bit after dinosaur time, and it was 45 feet long and five feet thick and could eat a half tonne crocodile and vom it back up to fight with even biger crocodiles. There was some sciences in there but, Titanoboa!

Show trailer for HHGTTG live tour



Website http://www.hitchhikerslive.com/

They have a number of different people reading the part of the book - the ones announced so far

It was on Simon Mayo's show last night on Radio 2

I saw this a few weeks ago. Huge snake was huge.

I've not listened yet but the link for it is here :

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0 ... 3_05_2012/

(interview with Simon Jones and Geoff McGivern / Arthur and Ford)

I've a palaeontologist friend. He was recently asking on sinister Facebook if anyone had any packing materials as he had to ship a large dinosaur skull across the US and the museum didn't have enough. As he put it:

What about a 150 million year old human heart?

The way he's settling in down there, it won't be long before MaliA lives in a lake

Heh, quite.

***

Currently paying rent to the parents. They're being annoyed by the post-student 'professionals' next door using our drive as if it were theirs. So I get out of the bath this evening to hear my mum's raised voice outside.

I'm now dry, so I put some shorts on and go downstairs. Two 'men' with their car in our drive, being all smug and 'I totally respect your opinion, but technically he'd not parked. He's just picking me up'.

I tell mum to go inside, as she's agitated (she has enough stress to deal with at work). Maybe two sentences later - no threats! - they're shaking and 'sorry, mate - we'll be gone in one minute'.

They'd better not annoy my mum again.

***

Funnily enough, this evening we got a phone call from the police. My dad, who works late on Thursday, apparently rang them about a motorist at lunch time and 'we have now caught him, and are dealing with the matter'. Cue worry. Did he get beaten up? We've not heard from him. He then walks into the house, and it just turns out he reported an irresponsible driver while he was out on lunch.

What you say? Wright it down so I can directly copy it and use it on people. In that sort of situation my mouth/brain stops working and I end up just making noise or repeating what they say or something and looking like a twat!

"Hi sweeties. Wanna come inside and lick my nipples?"

In my line of work, I have to deal with a lot of unpleasant/stubborn people from different walks of life: parents who don't want their kids in school; schools who don't want certain kids in them; 'professionals' who don't want to work. So I've become quite decent at treading that fine line between diplomacy and force.

What did I actually say? Well, the context is they have a bit of drive in their garden that they have to go through our drive to access. So I just said 'next time, can you park on your bit please? You've clearly parked on our drive.' I said it in a manner that was amiable but not soft. When they variously said 'yeah, sorry mate!' and 'we'll just be one minute', I gave them the thumbs up and said thanks.

It pays to keep people on side, even if they're in the wrong. Not to toot my own trumpet, but I imagine my grizzly appearance went some way to smoothing things over.


He's clearly seen pics of me!

Another three have perished on Everest over the last five days. That's a total of 10 for the year so far. Worst season since 2006, hope no more lose their lives.

Pop to the library and read "Everest: The Hard Way" by Chris Bonnigton. It's a pretty good read abut the North face.

I'm really aching today. Yesterday, we did the red climb and red descent then hit into the black loop. It was silly warm, so after one lap, we decided to head to the pub instead.

A good number of years ago, I parked in one of the parking spaces (proper painted ones) outside the flat I used to live in - not right outside, as that has dedicated parking spaces and my Range Rover was in that, so I parked outside the grounds on the street.
I was just getting out and someone parked behind my car (on the road), got out and told me I couldn't park there.

Man: [angrily] You can't park there.
Your Hero: Why not?
Man: You don't live here.
YH: I live in Aragon tower. [points at tower block fifty feet away]
Man: You should park in there, then!
YH: I don't have a space I can park in inside the fence [technically correct!]
Man: These spaces are for residents of [whatever the row of houses was called. In fact, he possibly said 'these houses']
YH: [Glances in his windscreen] You don't even have a permit!
Man: What?
YH: You don't even have a permit to park in these spaces. It should be stuck to your windscreen.
Man: What permit?
YH: A parking permit!
Man: [Even more angrily] What are you talking about?! You don't need a permit to park here!
YH: Yeah right - so anyone can park in these spaces any time they feel like it?
Man: YES!
YH: [blips the car, walks off]

This weekend.

Nice weather
England match
Monaco Grand Prix
Eurovision

Plus I got a raise today! Waiting to be told exactly what amount it is, but it is in my bank account already. If it hasn't been back dated or anything and that is going to be my monthly going forward then

Tonight:

Saltaire Brewery, £2 a pint.
Curry

Tomorrow:

Kern and Ilkley Moor
Cow and Calf
Pint
Curry
Eurovision

Sunday:

MrsA will come home at some point in time.

Candidate for tweet of the year:



From a lad who had to read touching the void for an exam, failed it.

I really shouldn't go out drinking on a school night. Even playing it sensible and starting on coke didn't stop me getting a hangover this morning. Still, at I wasn't the worst. My colleague had fallen asleep so figured it was best to wake him up and head off home.

Colleague - Right, I'll see you on Monday
Me - Er, it's Thursday night; we're in in the morning.
Colleague - Oh shit!

To his credit, he made it in on time.


Also.. Happy Birthday to Monkey.

What, in the name of dog, is a crevasse wanker?

I have the swear filter on, so it should be crevasse wanker.

What a fucking horrible story that boy will read when he grows up.

Touching the Void isn't that bad.

I don't have the swear filter on, and this conversation makes no sense at all

do an Beex convos?

Precisely!

Incorrect. It was OK up to, and including, my contribution.

It is a trend, in Japan, to have your canine teeth artificially enlarged.

No, really.

Unlike Westerners who'd probably do it for reasons related to Twilight/Vampire Diaries/True Blood (per se), this is to give the effect of youth via the fact that your mouth is crowded with teeth like some kind who isn't old enough to go to the orthodontist yet. It also suggests you're not perfect and are therefore more approachable, and not an insanely perfect AV Idol type woman.



I can see how the effect could be considered cute. People who've known me a while will recall I sort of fancied Kirsten O'Brien in her CBBC days because she was, in my own words, 'blondie bird with wonky teeth'. Juno Temple also has the same sort of look.

Just a variant on gap toothed women being hot?



I don't know. I don't have a Condoleeza Rice fetish.

Mmmm Belladonna.

Brilliant!!

See, no. Don't get it.

I think she follows Gaywood on Twitter.

Yeah I remember him mentioning that or something similar.

And! I had an argument with a bunch of mates the other week on the subject - 50/50 split!

Who is she?

A seriously dirty grot, grumble and scud actress.

Oh, OK. Good oh.

Terrible stuff, the only offer on cider in Waitrose meant I had to buy 3 bottles. And even sadder, i had plenty of ice in the house, so am now enjoying a delicious ice cold cider in the sunshine on my balcony.

Sounds awful.

Hang in there, Bobby. We're thinking of you.

Depends. Moments where she looks sort of attractive are hugely outweighed by when she just looks like a rough skank. There was one scene where she had a baseball bat with the end carved to look like a glans. Painted down the side was a ruler to measure how far in you'd shoved it. Belladonna and the other porn lady were seeing who could cram it the furthest up their back passage.

Wait. What?

Edit -- viewtopic.php?style=19&p=257489#p257489 Hah! I'd totally forgotten this.

Edit edit -- the username in question was @belladonnatuk, which doesn't appear to exist any more. No idea now if it was the real one or not, though it appears I was sure at the time. Followed me from 1/1/2009 to 27/1/2009, according to my email. Random.

Ice in cider?

I hope they had little pink parosols on offer for you too.

Southerners, innit?