Be Excellent To Each Other

What about if you want someone else to drive? Do you get a spare arse like a key for them to borrow?

You pay them £2 a month to sync your arse into a cloud, then you share it on Twitter.

Or to deter scrotes from kicking the door in, stealing your keys off the table and driving your car away.

Anyway, why hasn't there been a "One at a time please" gag yet - BEEX you disappoint me!

Full-body vinyl.

Just how big an arse do you need to have to immobilise a car?

*waves*

*imagines rolling naked in records*

How would Dave ever get his car started?

Lady T wants to get an estate (or 'wagon' as they are called here), something newer and bigger and more comfy for long distances and for the dog, camping gear etc.

I'm going about getting quotes for one with a 6 litre V8. An engine like that really doesn't make much sense in any way, but I *really* want something with a bit of grunt.

Cool advert:

I love that little Credit Card machine - especially the way it can start itself.

Only just seen it though, Kalmar? It's been on the TV (down south, at least) for a few months.

Ah, didn't realise that. Oh well, taxalot might not have seen it!
Yep, the credit card machine got a giggle, have sent it to my old colleagues who make those

Is the weird little buggy/car on the left actually in production, or is it just a concept?

And why aren't electric motorbikes a "thing"? That makes more sense than a car in my head, although I could see battery storage being a problem.

I would totally go for an electric scooter, if the missus hadn't (for the first and so far only time since we met) absolutely forbidden it.

Aww, bless her. She cares about me

Does anyone know anything about changing ratios in gearboxes? 5th really fucking sucks in the Twingo, 70mph is 3.5krpm, 80 is 4krpm and between the two it switches 'FUCK YEAH' valving and fuelling, anything over 70 is almost unbearably noisy*. I'm still thinking lengthening that to [email protected] would suit me better.

Ultimately though, I think the only way to solve the problem is large displacement and/or forced induction.

* Though oddly going to North Wales at 70 on Saturday seemed much noisier than coming back at 85-90, possibly stupid headwind versus lovely tailwind had something to do with that.

The "Twizy". Yeah!

It's kind of the right answer to electric scooters, in a way. Those suffer because they require all the hassle and most of the expense of running a full-size EV, and tend to be either high priced like the Vectrix (paying for high energy density) or just hopelessly low powered and short range (like any of the Chinese ones).

The Twizy solves this by having 4 wheels to carry a decent weight of battery, better aerodynamics than a bike, and looks more like something you'd be willing to pay £7000 for - far better than the crappy gwiz for example. Obviously it'll only be a success in London and Paris etc, if at all, but I think they've got it about right.

edit: a non-clarksony review: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szN3bLF1oP4

Bigger wheels, assuming they'll fit, will lengthen the ratio.

Want.

I wonder if that would work? The energy density of petrol is so much higher than a battery, I wonder if you could fit a wee engine, generator and fuel tank into your liitle electrical gadget.

The energy density of petrol *is* much higher. However, the efficiency of a tiny engine and generator tends to be so poor that you'd lose most or all of the advantage. It would work, but you'd also have scary problems of heat, flammability and of course emissions, making it impossible to use indoors.

A more realistic solution is to use a solid oxide fuel cell, running on methanol. Toshiba I believe actually sold one of these as a cellphone charger. It was considerably bigger and more expensive than a battery would have been and didn't sell well, as well as needing expensive methanol fuel in little squeezy bottles, but I'm sure they'll continue to improve.

Not enough, I fear.

Though give me a few months and I'll have ruined the stock wheels so badly I'll need new ones anyway - utterly ridiculous things they are.

IMAG0357

Exceptionally shiny, fancy Maybach parked outside the office! I'm sure it's very comfy and smooth and lovely, but it's also pretty ugly. Also, it's probably about half a million quid.

Ugh. The only things that looks good in chrome are web sites.

The numberplate was "RYM4N", so I think it belongs to Theo Paphitis, of Dragon's Den fame.

Is he an excellent driver?

I'd always wondered if chrome cars would be 'allowed', due to the idea that their reflectiveness could a) dazzle in bright sunlight and b) confuse in traffic, due to the surface looking like a mirror.

Nah, he was always stationery.

A Bentley Continental GT in matte carbon stopped outside the pub the other week...I have no idea why, loads of drunk men where attracted to it and the owner was sat talking to them all before speeding off again. It was a very nice looking and I really, really wanted a go. Wouldn't have minded taking his car for a spin, either.

Also got stuck behind an Overfinch on the mountain a few weeks ago, as soon as I caught him up, he decided he didn't like it so on every straight, he floored it. It shifted and was much faster than me in a straight line, still cornered like a big-ass Range Rover though so he didn't get far. I wouldn't pay £80K for something that corners slower than a Focus estate driven by a girl.

Objection. From what I've read on here, you don't drive like 'a girl'.

I crash like a girl, though.

Overfinch is a shit name.

Agreed. It should be "Megafinch 9000".

It's amusing out-driving people in really expensive cars with your tiny underpowered one though - especially in the wet, there's a set of roundabouts and "chicanes" on the dual carriageway on my commute where I can beat practically anything through it, as they inevitably pull in to the "overtaking" lane at the traffic lights at the start and then chicken out halfway around the corners. Lols.

Depending on the year the donor Range Rover came from (starting with the newest), that ranges from "actually, they're a little worse" to "oh my, no". Newer Overfinches are more about luxury than going fast.

Either way, the newer Range Rover or the older Overfinch would have vanished into the distance if they were being driven hard.

I had a go in a 93/94 Overfinch once and it was fucking terrifying (once I got out and let a big boy drive it, anyway) - you simply can't get it into your head that such a big lump of metal is going to slow down enough to make it around the next bend.

Then he drove it through some ruts and it nearly broke our spines, which explained a lot.

I thought the guy driving it was maybe a bit of a pussy and either didn't know the corners very well or the ability of his car. When I caught him, there was a clear road ahead so he clearly wasn't trying until I was sat in his mirrors. He shot off going down the last couple of straights before the speed limits kick in, he put quite a big distance between us at considerable speed but half way down, there's a slight right-hand kink where the road narrows, with an adverse camber, I caught him again there as he was too scared to do that faster than 70.

Heh. Nice one flis, I like your style.
Let's face it, Grim... very much excepted of course, but most people who drive huge 4x4s are total pussies anyway, for anything that doesn't involve simply hoofing it at the lights, in a straight line, reliant on some huge splodge of ESP-controlled torque from one obscenely over-blown engine or other. And the Focus - especially the Mk 1 - is a real fine handler.

Mind you, I myself got totally owned by some young lass in an Evo the other month; I was giving it everything I could in the Porker but man alive, that thing had some serious traction/roadholding, and that girl could drive, drifting corners and piling on the power really, really early. Respect. (I think it was only the 300PS variant as well, if I'm honest, though could've been chipped/remapped of course, most of 'em are).

She flashed me a lovely "never mind, well done for having a good try, eh dad" smile at the next set of lights though, so all was not lost. Me? I'd stop the M25 for a nice smile.

... In other news, had a go at outdoor karting on Saturday - it was awesome. 8bhp isn't much, via two tiny Honda 4-stroke motors per kart, but it seems like it at 60mph+ on a damp track, with slicks! Managed a joint 2nd overall from a field of eight (all much younger) blokes, added to my 16 stone bulk as well, so I'm happy with that one.

Hoof the Tomcat off the lights and all it will do is make a lot of noise*. It doesn't do fast.

*Assuming you towed it to the lights first, or something. Fucking thing.

That's pretty easy to do, of course

I like to take the moral high ground at traffic lights and gently cruise away with an air of aloofness (not a word?), mind you this is because my car looks fast and goes very very slow
when I had a fast car (2.9 EFI capri oooOOoo) I got destroyed by a girl in a 205 on a B road but it was ok cos nobody saw...

Speaking of Twingos, does anyone know how to re-enable the automatic headlights on Renaults? I made it go BEEEEEP a while ago and since then it's been manual and such a chore.

No I haven't tried looking at the manual.

Does your Tomcat have a special off-road low ratio gearbox, or is it just a bit old? I'm also gonna guess it doesn't have all the fancy computerised what-nots and gadgets. I rode in a shiny new Merc 4x4 the other day, and that was computerised to the nines. It looked like it made it a lot easier to drive up cliffs and over bumps, but I don't know if it makes it any *better* at doing so.

Man, now no-one's ever going to know I asked about Twingo automatic headlights.

The button on the end of the headlight stalk, you hold it in for (I think) four seconds.

Took me a while to find that out when the garage turned it off

If that's the secret "discard all body panels" command I'm going to hunt you. Otherwise, superstar.

Edit: Hang on, that's the fucking horn.

Wat?!

Oh. Then it's not the same as the Clio and you should look in the manual. Surely your horn is in the middle of the steering wheel like every other car made in the last 15 years?

Okay, okay man, no need to get that excited about it.

Entertainingly not.

Switch the sidelights on and off again twice, and it should beep at you.

[edit]Argh, new page! That's to turn your auto headlights on again.

The internet says:

Have you got suspicious admin-only ability to change the posts per page, or something?