Be Excellent To Each Other

Inspired by 100% Baffled Zardoz last night, here is A GUIDE TO OUR FAVOURITE MISSIONS:

A Titan Of A Job

Drive to airport. Jump the fence via the ramp next to the gate. Drive to hanger.

In the hanger is the Titan, but it's blocked in by a truck and many Bad Men. Shoot the bad men. Keep an eye out for Arsehole Sniping Bad Men up on the gantries to either side of the hanger. Attempt to not explode the truck.

(If you're low-ish level and so short of armour and health, a good way into the hanger is to drive into it, go down the left hand side to the end, and turn in behind the shipping containers at the back. You can take cover there and you won't get flanked while you shoot the Bad Men.)

When enough of the bad men are dead, someone moves the truck. Someone else flies the Titan to the airstrip in Sandy Shores. Sometimes we even land it, and sometimes APoD hasn't sticky bombed it. But not always.

(If you miss the Titan, there's a Cessna-style light plane parked next to the hanger. You can take that and come make a nuisance of yourself in the air.)


Extradition

We split into three groups: Team Jet Fox One, Team RPG, Team LimoCase.

Stage One: Team Jet Fox One drives to the military base, jumps the fence (don't follow the Yellow Line Of Lies -- it leads to the military base main entrance which you can't get in through.) Team Jet Fox One then seals a jet. When the jet is launched, this spawns the first enemy -- a plane we have to shoot down.

Stage Two: Team RPG is lurking outside the military base, usually having had a lift from Team Jet Fox One but been dropped off just before they jump into the base. They immediately shoot the plane down. This spawns the next enemy -- a limo we have to explode. They never miss the jet and fuck it up, because we are professionals.

Stage Three: Team LimoCase are already camping the limo's spawn point (it drives a fixed path.) We take it down, often via sticky bombs we've already planted on the road where it'll drive past. It drops a briefcase. We usually have a wanted level by this point. If the limo makes it through the roadblock it'll book it pretty fast and a pretty hairy chase can happen. But this never happens because we are professionals. Any suggestion that I have ever fucked this up because I forgot which button detonates sticky bombs is FAKE FUCKING NEWS SON.

Stage Four: someone, typically but not always from Team LimoCase, snags the briefcase. They might phone Lester to remove the wanted level or they might lose the cops the old fashioned way. By this point Team RPG have probably arrived to help, or "help." If everything starts blowing up it's usually Team Jet Fox One overhead "helping." But that never happens because we are professionals. There is a significant chance that Team Jet Fox One crashes and ends up spread over so much concrete they look like a can of paint.

Stage Five: once the wanted level is lost, whoever has the case has to drive it to Madrazo's house.

The Los Santos Connection

Stage One: Drive to the drug deal and kill some Bad Men. Get in the big SUV to unlock the next stage. (You can get back out again, it's a slow/awkward car.)

Stage Two: drive to an industrial facility packed with Bad Man and Big Gas Tanks That Explode. Kill Bad Men until someone hacks the laptop, which is done via stupid minigames. Protect the hacker. There's a health kit in the shipping container near the laptop.

Stage Three: drive to the airport and jump the gate as usual. The far corner hanger will be full of Bad Men and vehicles. Trash them all. There's two attack helicopters just outside the entrance of the hanger that are useful for this. There's a cache of drugs up on top of a building on the right hand side; someone has to go get them. There's usually some people up there with shotguns so this can get a bit hairy. Also, there's armour up there, so grab that.

Stage Four: drive to Madrazo's house.

Landing Gear

Drive to the airport in Sandy Shores. Kill Bad Men. Move the truck that's blocking the planes in.

Team Planes (1-3 people) get in the planes and fly south. Team Helicopters (1-3) get in the helicopters and fly with the planes. Bad Helicopers spawn, and Team GoodGuy Helicopters hopefully shoot them down.

When Team Planes get to the docks, they have to land the planes on the cluttered docks. This is hard! Good luck. Don't smash into cranes or cars or other players HTH HAND

You only need to land one plane to complete the mission, but the mission won't end while the other planes are still around. So you can either blow them up on purpose or go back, get any left over, and land them too.

Absolutes
Grim... here. Doc didn't mention some things that happen regardless of what mission we're on.

#1: Pilots of fighter jets refer to their jet as "Fox one", because it annoys Craster.
#2: If we drive past a bus, we all stop and get on it. That bus becomes "Attack Vehicle Fox Five Delta".
#3: (most important) The passenger in a car sets the radio to Non Stop Pop (unless it's New Music Friday)* and sets the map (although we don't need the map for any of the missions above).
#4: If you're doing a stunt race and finish without doing a backflip then you're a technical DNF.

*Other acceptable deviations from Non Stop Pop are if We Built This City or Danger Zone are on Los Santos Rock, or if Convoy is on Rebel, or if the "Ne ne ne ne ne ne ne" song is on East Los FM. You'll get the hang of it, fear not.

This statement is no longer technically correct.

I still don't understand why the truck keeps exploding.

I'm guessing Riles.

Note that pretty much all of Doc's writeup there is what should happen, rarely what does happen.

This is FAKE NEWS, everything always goes like clockwork because we are professionals.

Yeah.

I had no fucking idea where everyone went the first time on the JET/CASE/BOMB mission!

Then on the second attempt when I got a place in a Dreem Teem car. I still had absolutely no fucking clue what was happening. But I got paid so that was good.

Remembered someone crashing the cessna into the Titan when I was flying last night. It did nothing

I'm absolutely loving this game.

I have some comments


You can actually get in the military base via this route. However it involves you getting out the car, and climbing onto the security hut and jumping off on the other side of the gate. But this method is full of risks, as you hit 5* the moment you hit the ground.











Bro, do you even Madrazo?

This is very endearing indeed. Should be the posterboys for online gaming.

Who is the one growlingly lamenting the absence of port?

Also, sexy cooking.

Fox One can't take passengers.

True. Fox Two can take passengers if it there is also a Buzzard available and two people go into the airbase. Also another correction to my correction

Nghhhh don't make me consider renewing again. I don't have time and Wednesdays are not great for me. I do miss it though.

We're on most nights.

PS+ can be yours for £6 for a month (you might even qualify for the 14 day free trial).

I think I've been on every night AFTER THE HUUUUUUUUGE WAIT for the game to arrive.

Think I'm at level 22 now already. Nipping at your heels!

The main problem is Sal works 12-8:30pm most days, so by the time she gets home, we've cooked and eaten dinner and spent some time together it's 11pm.

I manage to get my iRacing practice/setup building in from 6-9pm most days and then race on Thursdays and Saturdays normally. And it's getting towards baseball season now so I'll have even less time.

It is a shame though.

Best time to start playing!

Correct. Not GTA though

I reckon we'll still be playing after baseball season.

If Sal gets fed up with her job and gets a 9-5 or similar then things will probably change. I just can't justify using the small amount of time we get together per night for gaming.

Also I'm scaling back my iRacing commitments because I worked out recently I was driving five different cars in 7 or 8 series and a) I wasn't getting good at any of them and b) it was stressing me out spreading myself so thin. So I'm down to three cars now except for special events.

So at the minute it's £40 I can't justify spending because the included games are largely shit and I can play Rocket League on the PC.

I find myself raising an eyebrow at the idea of you struggling to justify spending money on gaming paraphalia to yourself

When myp says £40 is too much to spend on gaming stuff

If you're not going to play Myp, can you ask Fun Sally if she wants to?

I think the answer will be very much no considering the epic bantz you guys have.

I can justify it if I use it. Hence I have spent vast sums on iRacing but I play it every day (almost 700 hours logged since last Jan according to Steam). I can't justify spending £40 on something I won't get any value from.

Who doesn't like paella?


Charming.

You know what I mean.

That would be me - I was trying to cut you up on the corner and massively misjudged it


I retired a bit early last night clearly

I extracted revenge when I hammered my Karuma clean through your Cessna. That was ace, it went through like it was made of tinfoil.

If she really loved you, she'd understand.

She barely tolerates me at best

Title

Folks about tonight? Strong possibility I'll be on later.

Yep, 9 or 9.30 or so

No I, I'm getting hammered in Richmond.

Title

Richmond, Yorkshire?

Richmond, Virginia?

Richmond, Sausages?

I got hammered there once. With hilarious consequences.

Beautiful.

I've managed to get my grubby mitts on this now so you can all stop playing it.

AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!!!

...

Presumably there was a lack of avengers?

They were there, but flat packed and he didn't have the right Allen key.

I ruled the mean streets on behalf of BEEX on my own.

They see me trollin'
They hatin'

8 people playing GTA V at 11pm on a random Tuesday.

These are the golden days of gaming.

I fear we might actually have to have a splinter party tonight.

Turn up early to avoid disappointment, folks!

I suppose we can give in-game chat a try, though?

Does anyone have the video of attack helicopter Samoz?