Gas Guzzling Money Pits
pointless expenses and cars
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Talking of boobs I am sat in the Porsche dealer awaiting tyre changes. Myp will kill me for saying so but the ahem recruitment policy of their female reception staff is much to be commended.

Advance to Mayfair :D
Peugeot 205 XS. Bought for £275. Loved it, the scrapped it after it sat on the drive for 9 months.
Peugeot 306 Estate. 1.9 turbo diesel, bought for £1k. Ran for 3 years needing minimal work. Love it. Huge boot. Scrapped it.
Ford Ka. Bought for £2.5k as MrsA needed car of certain age after going freelanc. Had for many years. Broke down on the way to my wedding and the police towed it. Scrapped it.
Subrhubarb forester. £3k I have spun this twice. Shit boot space. Thirsty. Otherwise nice.
Rover 25. £660 Christ, i can see how we lost an empire.
Yeah that Rover 200 diesel I had was appalling... the Perkins 2.0 was more agricultural than one of Grim's bloody traction engines - an absolute boat anchor of a lump in a tinny, shitty, badly sorted can with no ABS even in 1999 made for a nose heavy skiddy shiteheap that didn't stop in the wet.

It wasn't even particularly economical.
Cavey wrote:
Yeah that Rover 200 diesel I had was appalling... the Perkins 2.0 was more agricultural than one of Grim's bloody traction engines an absolute boat anchor of a lump in a tinny, shitty, badly sorted can with no ABS even in 1999 made for a nose heavy skiddy shiteheap that didn't stop in the wet.

It wasn't even particularly economical.


It's running on three cylinders still as I haven't fixed it yet. Fuel consumption is waaaaaay down. I'd get another, but in gold, purely to annoy MrsA who refuses to even sit in it.
R- reg Polo 1.4 (off my mum)
04 - Megane 1.4 (from new)
08 - Ka (from new)
13 - Auris (2nd hand)
Christ, okay then, here goes, in approximate order:

"Martin" the Austin Maestro: My first car. It cost £300 and I filled it with just under a kilowatt of speakers. Had it for nearly a year but the sub-frame broke when I jumped it over a bridge :S
"Neville" the Vauxhall Nova 1.4 SRi: Still has the best third gear of any car I've ever driven. Nase rolled it into a ditch.
"Ronnie" the Rover 627 si: Cor, fuck, this was a stupid car for a nineteen year old to have. It went like the clappers.
"Little Brother" the Astra estate: Here begins my love of estate cars. Although I drove it into a flood and bent the conrods.
"Dummy" the Mini City: Oh Lord. 0-60 in eighteen seconds. Eighteen!
"Vinnie" the Astra estate: This one shat a piston out on the A14.
"Billy Hoyle" the Fiesta 1.1 Poplar Plus: Billy Hoyle was white. The water pump went and it cooked itself.
"Twitchy" the Astra Turbo: This motherfucker went far too fast for the chassis to cope with, and constantly tried to throw itself off the road. It never quite managed it, though.
"Ally" the Almera: Quite fun, but not as fun as you'd think. Will never be forgotten because of something a girl did in the passenger seat once.
"Doris" the Datsun Cherry: What a lump of shit this was! We got out a paint roller and put white Viper stripes on it. I think I scrapped this one when I got bored of it.
"Shitcan" the Sierra: A 4x4 XR4i that had nearly everything wrong with it, which I bought for £50 to play 45 and In with in some fields with some mates, where the four wheel drive and the ability to go like a fucking rocket in reverse helped me to many victories. It only had reverse, second and third to choose from. This went to the scrappy too, which is a bugger as it's worth a fucking fortune now.
"Alice" the Astra: This one got blue Viper stripes!
"Little Ron" the heavily-modified Rover 420 GSi - I got this off a mate when the timing belt went and stripped the engine down and rebuilt it with performance parts one Christmas. It went like buggery, and probably still would be if I'd thought to upgrade the cooling system as well.
"Gooooold" the Fiesta 1.1 Poplar Plus: I definitely had this one before Little Ron. Can't remember when though. Christ, they were lumps of shit. This one was gold / beige.
"Beast" the Suzuki Vitara: Another one for playing car games in fields with. Only the front nearside wheel had drive to it, and if you steered sharply one way you had to steer the other way for a bit before you could go straight again.
"Foggy" the Orion: Aw, I quite liked the Orion, mainly because my overriding memories of it were driving from Bedford to Newcastle to see my then-girlfriend, who was a filth-bag and would send encouraging text messages for the duration of the drive. I can't remember what happened to Foggy. I think I sold him.
"Jolly Ugly" the Peugeot 500 Estate: for moving Disco gear around in. An utter lump of shit that we delighted in driving into its grave. When it went for an MOT the reasons it failed took up three bits of paper.
"Big Ron" the Rover 627 Vitesse: Oh mother of God, did I like Big Ron. It was a 2.7 V6! It had room for massive speakers in the boot! It held the road surprisingly well! It had voodoo-like electrical problems! I mean, one time I came back from shopping and it was idling away in the multi-story car park, and I still had the keys in my hand. Sadly the stupid electronics eventually caused it to stop wanting to be a car :(
"The Super-Venga Bus" the Fiat Ducato Maxi: Holy shit, we bought a minibus to move Disco gear around in and it was the BEST THING EVER. Want to take five people to the airport? BUS! Want to move a mate's sofa? BUS! Want something to stand on so you can clear out the guttering? BUS! We wired it so it could play music through the disco speakers, fitted it with under-BUS neons, and loved it to death. It lasted three years before it fell apart. Not bad for £100.
"Frank" the Focus: Yawn.
"Bloo" the Focus: Yawn.
"Maureen" the Mazda Sport: This was more like it, right up until it decided it didn't like oil any more, the cunting thing.
"Fugly" the Merc: I can't even remember what kind it was. Flickr can, though - a 190D Automatic. It was SO SLOW.
"Mo" the Mondeo: I think you all know how I felt about my Mondeo :luv:
"Jeremy" the Range Rover: Yup.
"Eddie" the Ford Transit: A replacement for The Super-Venga bus, but no-where near as good. It was called Eddie because it had a massive Eagle sticker on the front. We lost this one.
"Fred" the Focus: Yawn, although the newer models are much better than the older ones.
"Jeremy" the Tomcat: Well, technically it's still the same car as the Range Rover, but, you know.
"Jaaaag" the Jaguar: Ha! I quite liked the Jag. It was a massive barge of a car that went like a train and probably used more fuel, too.
"Rudolph" the Fiesta: An A1 pileup put an end to Fred on the way back from Gaywood's house on Thanksgiving, and we got a Red Fiesta which I unexpectedly fell in love with. It was fucking great! If the stupid child wasn't too big to get into the back I'd fuck the Focus off in a heartbeat.
"Batman" the Focus: Yawn. I mean, it's an excellent car, but... Yawn.
"Boomer" the Puma: An unexpected love story, and my current daily driver.

Things I've forgotten or can't figure out where they go in the list:
An Astra estate that was cut and welded to turn it into a pickup
A blue Escort, which I remember successfully shouting it back to life in Hunstanton
A red Peugeot 306, which we tried to fit with a hydraulic handbrake, but it didn't work
A red Mondeo that ran on LPG
A green Discovery which I took back because the low-range gearbox didn't work right
I think we have a winner
I dunno, only about ten of them were any good :D
Mind you I'm still struggling to understand why a Nissan Almera isn't as much fun in practice as apparently I should think it is :D :p
Right? They look like they'd be a bundle of fun, but it just understeered all over the place and wasn't even that fast.
Grim... wrote:
"Jolly Ugly" the Peugeot 500 Estate: for moving Disco gear around in. An utter lump of shit that we delighted in driving into its grave. When it went for an MOT the reasons it failed took up three bits of paper.


Holy Crap. I didn't know that there were that many different things that could actually go wrong on a car. Every single MOT check must have failed :o

Grim... wrote:
"The Super-Venga Bus" the Fiat Ducato Maxi: Holy shit, we bought a minibus to move Disco gear around in and it was the BEST THING EVER. Want to take five people to the airport? BUS! Want to move a mate's sofa? BUS! Want something to stand on so you can clear out the guttering? BUS! We wired it so it could play music through the disco speakers, fitted it with under-BUS neons, and loved it to death. It lasted three years before it fell apart. Not bad for £100.


Note to self: BUY A MINIBUS.
Squirt wrote:
Grim... wrote:
"Jolly Ugly" the Peugeot 500 Estate: for moving Disco gear around in. An utter lump of shit that we delighted in driving into its grave. When it went for an MOT the reasons it failed took up three bits of paper.

Holy Crap. I didn't know that there were that many different things that could actually go wrong on a car. Every single MOT check must have failed :o

"The only thing it didn't fail on was rear seat belts, which work fine, and emissions. I couldn't test the emissions because it had no oil in. Technically that's a fail, but I didn't think that mattered."

Squirt wrote:
Grim... wrote:
"The Super-Venga Bus" the Fiat Ducato Maxi: Holy shit, we bought a minibus to move Disco gear around in and it was the BEST THING EVER. Want to take five people to the airport? BUS! Want to move a mate's sofa? BUS! Want something to stand on so you can clear out the guttering? BUS! We wired it so it could play music through the disco speakers, fitted it with under-BUS neons, and loved it to death. It lasted three years before it fell apart. Not bad for £100.

Note to self: BUY A MINIBUS.

Honestly, we fucking loved our minibus.
Note to self: never believe waiting times I'm told and insist on courtesy car in future :(
Here are the pictures I can dig up at work:

BUS!
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Driving the BUS!
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The BUS pushing Big Ron the Rover.
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Apparently I had the Big Ron and Billy Hoyle at the same time (you can see him in the garage), which I can't quite make sense of in my head.
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Lots of engine in that Rover.
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"Frank"
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"Maureen"
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"Alice" with her Viper Stripes!
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"Doris", but you can't see her Viper Stripes. That's a certain Slack CTO hanging out of the window.
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"Jeremy" before he was pulled apart.
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Oh, here's the Mondeo. Fuck, I liked that car.
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...

I might go and buy one for Christmas. They should be pretty cheap by now.
And now I'm looking at ST220s. Whoops.
Grim... wrote:
And now I'm looking at ST220s. Whoops.

Do it!
Hearthly wrote:
Two months isn't long at all for the 650i, what was the deal with that?

No cup holder.
markg wrote:
Nissan Primera - I honestly can't recall why I bought this, literally no idea what I was thinking

Wow, I have no memory at all of you owning that one. Hyperbland!

Right here's mine:
Honda Concerto 1.5i - Really liked this for my first car, good all rounder. Never let me down.
Mazda 323f 1.5 - Loved this one too, still like the body shape on them.
Honda Civic 1.6 SE - Boring but so reliable (stayed with us for ages as my wife took it off me when I totalled her Nissan Almera)
Seat Ibiza Mk2 (1999 facelift) - Had to buy this quickly (see above)... and I loved it really, had a few gremlins (stereo had a kill switch as it would turn itself on and drain battery) but it was light and nippy. Turned me onto Seats really.
Mazda 323i 1.6 - The next gen from the one I'd owned earlier. Reliable but bodywork was prone to rust.
Seat Ibiza 1.9 TDi Sport - Fucking loved this car. Loads of fun to drive, economical, nippy. Some TWAT in a Vauxhall Meriva drove into the side of me and that was that. :'(
Seat Leon 1.9 TDi - My current car. Love this one too, feels solid, reliable, reasonably quick. More room for my kids / planes. First car I've tinkered with too, Lowered, debadged, de-chromed and a remap / ss exhaust in the new year I think.
Err
2002- white J reg volvo 440 (birthday present)
2006(i think) - grey M reg volvo 440. After the steering wheel in the last went missing. (as part of the continuing birthday present)
2009 - greenish T reg audi A3. (part of inheritance)
2015 - Black 57 reg Mercedes C180 sport. (yeah first one I actually chose and bought)
Lonewolves wrote:
Grim... wrote:
And now I'm looking at ST220s. Whoops.

Do it!

Should have done it last year. They're £3 - £4k now (up from £1.5k).

Bugger.
Grim... wrote:
"Eddie" the Ford Transit: A replacement for The Super-Venga bus, but no-where near as good. It was called Eddie because it had a massive Eagle sticker on the front. We lost this one.

How do you lose a Transit Van? :)

Also, is Top Gear should sack off Joey and have pay you to do what you do to cars.
I'm glad you asked that Davpaz, I read it and thought I'd ask but then forgot.
Nase lost it. It was parked somewhere in East London but he couldn't remember where. The council crushed it in the end.

Whoops.
That's an amazing story.
Zardoz wrote:
Some TWAT in a Vauxhall Meriva drove into the side of me and that was that. :'(

TheVision wrote:
A Vauxhall Mariva. This is the family car. It does the job and is the only car I’ve bought with my own money fact fans.

:insincere:
TheVision wrote:
That's an amazing story.

It had about £10k of DJ gear in it, too.
Grim... wrote:
TheVision wrote:
That's an amazing story.

It had about £10k of DJ gear in it, too.


Mind blowing! I can't even begin to think how this story unfolded.
Nase 'lost it'.
Changed 3/4 spark plugs at lunchtime. The fourth wasn't changed as the insulation from the HT was left around it,and I didn't have my long pliers to remove it. I will buy new HT lead and dig it out.
Lists :

After I passed my test I had no money for a car so drove my parents Astra , for a long time then bought my first car which was a

Renault 19 'A' plate in blue

Which got me to and from work for a while , including one time when a pipe burst and it leaked water all over the front pedals which really freaked me out driving along the motorway was still working when i sold it to get my second car

Vauxhall Astra Belmont 'C' plate in a disgusting burnt orange

I liked this unfortunately some twat ran into the back of me at a roundabout and did a runner which meant it failed its next MOT so it got changed out for a

Rover 200s in silver , think it was a K plate

This was the first car i killed by too many miles and it died somewhere around the 160,000 mile mark and I needed something quick so picked up a car from a guy at work who was selling a

Volvo 440 in brown , no idea of plate again

Again I killed this one with too many miles - it stopped somewhere around the 180,000 mile mark and since the price of fuel was going up and a garage next to me / a garage about 1/2 way to work started to sell LPG I got a nearly new

Vauxhall Astra LPG - W plate in silver

I really liked this one but again , killed by too many miles it got to around 190,000 before it gave up and i bought another LPG this time a

Citroen Picasso LPG - again in silver , this was an 03 plate

This one lasted me well from about 50,000 to 220,000 but again died so i picked up a

Renault Megane diesel - in black - an 07 plate (I think)

This one didnt last and the fuel injectors went after around 9 months and i switched to my current car which is a

Skoda Fabia diesel - in 'cappuccino' - an 07 plate and it has gone from 50,000 miles to around 135,000 miles
Jeez... How many miles do you do?

"lots" is the correct answer to that.
Around 85,000, reckon.
TheVision wrote:
Jeez... How many miles do you do?

"lots" is the correct answer to that.


I had a ~150 mile daily commute for around 14 years (so around 35,000 a year)

I now have a ~7 minute daily walk into the office
My list is distinctly unimpressive

Skoda Fabia
Honda Jazz
YELLOW Skoda Fabia (the yellow bit is the important bit)

I've not been driving long :P
:luv:

Yellow is a daring choice! :metul:
Mate of mine had a lemon yellow, debadged, lowered Cinquecento a while back. Bucket front seats. Tiny little fella he was. Could barely see over the steering wheel.
:D Not far off. He was from Manchester...
Ah, The Inbetweeners.
The films were a bit shit (IMO) but the series were split-yer-sides funny. :)

Nowt wrong with being a Manc. I've been here 25-odd years so I've got my passport. :)
Image

I spent far too many hours pushing this thing around.
Is that a baja buggy Grim...? Beetle or Mini running gear? (or neither knowing me lol)

Either way, it's awesome, love it. That's what life's all about - daft, improbable vehicles and fun times. Good on ya :)
Cavey wrote:
:luv:

Yellow is a daring choice! :metul:


Best choice. :p
My older brother had a bright yellow Ford Capri ( sadly only the 1.6 model ). It was awesome - tiger skin seat covers and a horn that played "Dixie" with half the notes wrong.
zaphod79 wrote:
I had a ~150 mile daily commute for around 14 years (so around 35,000 a year)

:S

Is that both ways?
My brother had a yellow Vauxhall Chevelle that had no reverse gear (as in, it was present but didn't work)

He also had a blue Ford Fiesta that had a fully working gearbox, until my other brother decided to TWOC it and do "racing gear changes" (no clutch) around the area.
Cavey wrote:
Is that a baja buggy Grim...? Beetle or Mini running gear? (or neither knowing me lol)

Either way, it's awesome, love it. That's what life's all about - daft, improbable vehicles and fun times. Good on ya :)

It's a Beetle, and it's not mine. Bloody thing :)
Mr Dave wrote:
zaphod79 wrote:
I had a ~150 mile daily commute for around 14 years (so around 35,000 a year)

:S

Is that both ways?


Google maps says 75.8 miles one way and 73 the other :-)

That was the last place we stayed at - the one before that was a much easier 67 miles one way / 65 the other
Squirt wrote:
a horn that played "Dixie"

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