Be Excellent To Each Other

I pulled the rim of my hat further down and trudged onwards through the rain. It was wet out here today, the kind of wet that flowed right into you and drenched you from the inside out, the rain that pitter-pattered on your head, tapping out an abstract rhythm like some crazed new-age jazz cat from the "Hot Shoe Jazz Bar" on 9th street.
Not that I had been there in the way i'd prefer these past few days, too much to do, too little time, as was the way with cases like this.

It all started in the early hours of the morning, I was minding my own business, hunkered down with Miss E.Fitzgerald and Mr J.Daniels for company, when there was a knock at the door.

<crash>

That was some knock.

"You in, Dick?"

My name wasn't Dick.

The door opened and in walked the rest of my life, all bottled up in five foot eight and long black hair.

"Good, you are in. I need help, and I need it fast"

As a rule I don't help anyone, and I don't do anything fast, but this dame seemed desperate, and while Mr Daniels has helped me through a long night before, he was a cold and unforgiving bedfellow.

"What can I do for you, Miss…?"

I said Miss, but I knew it would be a Mrs, a gal like that doesn't stay Miss for long, doesn't stay Mrs for that long after that, to be fair.

"It's Mrs, and it's my husband. He's been shot dead"

She didn't seem too put out about it.

"You don't seem too put out about it?"

She looked me up and down. More down than up, and with a look that said to me 'Back off, bud' That told me where I stood.

"I'm devastated"

An obvious lie, but then i'd seen a lot of marriages go by the wayside in my line of work, who was to say what she really felt.

"I need you to find the killer, I need you to find him fast… You can name your fee"

I needed to think about this fully. Could I take the case the way I was feeling after last night? Was this dame likely to be as much trouble as she looked. Would I be better off finishing off this bottle and closing the door on her and the pain that could come with her?

"Sure thing, $100 a day, plus expenses. Now tell me everything…"

I was always a sucker for a pretty face…

I entered the club, seemed pretty quiet, like a weekend as heavy as killers heart was winding down.

Thanks buddy. I'll take a bourbon straight up.

Where are the toilets?

“Looking at your eyes... I feel a nice surprise,
The killers on the lose.. No clues, not even a noose...
Doo-bi-da Doo-bi-dah wap wap.... Yeah”

I'm not a lady, pal.

You can take a seat, if you're willing to talk. Talk about the worst things in life, life a wet match or a warm whiskey.

Well I wasn't talking to you then, was I? I assume there are some ladies in here? If not, then I'm in the wrong place.

Well I wasn't talking to you then, was I? I assume there are some ladies in here? If not, then I'm in the wrong place.

I'm sure ladies can always be arranged, fella. For the right price. Take a load off and tell me what takes your fancy.

Thanks buddy. I'll take a bourbon straight up.

Hello gentlemen, nice to see you all made an appearance.

<takes a long slow drag on a cigarette placed in a holder>

If you'll excuse me though, I need to go and warm up with TheVision, someone needs to keep his rhythm going.

<Flings fox fur over her shoulder and leaves the room>

His? That was a long time ago sugar... I wrote a song about it actually...

Hello ladies, is this seat taken?

Trying to manage two jobs is getting difficult, I think I may have to quit the job as the doorman, pay sucks & getting too old to do the late shifts.

What's your second job? Mafia Don?

Anyway, I'm just here for the music, man.

*noodles on bass*

Drinks are on the house, but only for today.

Drinks are on the house, but only for today.

Drinks are on the house, but only for today.

Drinks are on the house, but only for today.

Not in my bar. No money, no service.

Not in my bar. No money, no service.

< Struts into the dingy bar>

Hello boys, who wants to buy a girl a drink?

< Smouldering look at the tall handsome man at the end of the bar>

< Struts into the dingy bar>

Hello boys, who wants to buy a girl a drink?

< Smouldering look at the tall handsome man at the end of the bar>

< Struts into the dingy bar>

Hello boys, who wants to buy a girl a drink?

< Smouldering look at the tall handsome man at the end of the bar>

Action!
Love it, I want you, you and you in my next film. This place is awesome, what a setting, just gotta use it! And you sugar, want to be a movie star? I reckon you've got what it takes. Come and see me later, I am sure we can work something out. In the mean time, why don't you take those legs of yours and get me a whisky sour.