This country is shit when it gets over an inch of snow, for no reason that I can figure out.

So, when you get stranded in the snow not because you can't get up a tiny hill, but because the cretins in front of you can't, here is what you'd like to have:
(In all seriousness, it really is a good idea to have all of these things in your car in winter, as you never know when you or someone else on the road might need them)

Bear in mind that this isn't a list of stuff to do when you notice it's snowing in the morning, you should do it around mid-November.

• Check your antifreeze. Testers can be purchased from Halfords or similar, or you can get it done at the same time as you...
• Check your battery. Again, you can buy testers, or go to a garage. If your battery is going to fail, it's likely to fail in the winter
• Check all the other fluids in the car (brake fluid, oil, transmission fluid if you have an auto, water levels)
• Check the tread on your tyres. If they're getting close to the limit, get them replaced
• Go to Homebase and pick up a bag or two of rock salt, and put them in your garage. They're around £5, and you won't be able to buy them for love or money once the snow hits
• If you live in Scotland or Northern England and always get lots of snow, it might be worth getting a set of snow chains, and now is the time to buy them. You only need two for a two-wheel drive car, or four for a 4x4
• Make sure you have all of the following in your car:
  
  • A blanket for each person in the car
  • A can of de-icer
  • A car charger for your mobile
  • Some chocolate bars
  • Spare windscreen washer
  • Bottles of water
  • A fold-up spade (here's a cheap one)
  • A gallon of whatever fuel your car needs
  • A book for while you're waiting (and maybe some toys if you have kiddies)
• You really should have a fire extinguisher, first aid kit, set of jump leads and a florescent jacket/vest in your car all your round.

If you have a 4x4 you can add a tow rope to that list, for dragging lesser cars around and feeling butch The type you can get from petrol stations will do, but if you get a good kinetic strap you'll be able to recover lorries, too.
You might also want to consider joining your local 4x4 Response team. In bad weather they'll ask you to help out with all sorts of things, from delivering water to acting as an emergency ambulance.
However: VERY IMPORTANT: Your 4x4 can go forward in the snow more effectively than other cars, but that doesn't mean it's any better at stopping or going around corners, so be careful.

If you do get stranded in the snow, get all your stuff out of the boot and have a look around for other people who are also stranded. Share cars with each other, running the engine for five minutes with the heaters on full every half hour or so (or however long it takes the car to get cold).

Finally, be a member of the AA. It costs £28 for a whole year, which is a proper no-brainer. It's even worth considering if you don't have a car, but are regularly a passenger in one.

Look, we haven't all got butlers to send out on these crazy shopping exercises.

Shit though, I really need windscreen washer, it's only got water in at the moment and there can't be much left (stupid headlight washers).

I use a windscreen scraper though, no fear of that running out. Or simply refreezing, as most de-icer sprays will below zero airtemp, before you can get the wipers on to clear it.

Also, if you find that your car is having trouble getting up a hill or through a patch of snow, try the following:

1) Momentum is key. Reverse until you can easily get going forward again, and build up as much speed as you dare. Never stop pointing up a hill, if you can help it. Leave a good gap between you and the car in front.
2) Choose the highest gear you can - pull off in second and change when the revs are low.
3) Don't change anything fast - speed (accelerating or breaking) or direction.
4) If you have traction control, switch it off (remember to switch it on again).
5) If you're really in trouble, try letting some air out of your drive wheels, just enough so you see them start to squash up on the bottom*.
6) Finally, if you still can't get anywhere, some tyre patterns work better in the snow if you jam your foot to the floor and work your way up the gears, spinning the wheels madly. This is a) not good for the car, and b) not exactly safe, so last resort.

*pump them back up again as soon as you can.

I am very much of the opinion that if it snows significantly in Oxford this weekend, I am Staying Put, especially with this hump-backed bridge that is deliberately narrowed to just-bus-width due to weakness.. An M3 without traction control, shit rear tyres and a fucked clutch? Yeah, that's going nowhere.

PSO from the Unofficial Stranded Motorist Rescue Squad.

Grim is a Hero in my eyes.

You need spare windscreen washer.


De-icer should be good down to about -40degc. They have to call it something subtly different on the can if it isn't (I can't remember what - it could be 'de-icer' and 'deicer').

Yes, no going out is another sensible option.
But you should still put all that stuff in the car anyway, even if you plan to never drive in the snow, as you never know what might happen.

Yes, I know spare; I'll get some concentrate, fill the reservoir then refill the empty 5l bottle I have for such purposes. You just reminded me that my non-spare washer isn't even winter-primed. Or any-season at all, really.

Ha! I'm terrible for doing that, too Do you have any anti-freeze in the coolant?

Maybe a bit, the garage refilled it at the last service so I don't really know.

I will endeavour to put these things in the car as soon as possible. High vis is a very sensible idea actually, I have a couple of high vis jackets I could stick in the car. Also a big fan ofthe spare window washe idea, Jen is terrible for letting it run out.
Also worthwhile washing the lights if you don't wash anything else on the car because our car is so dirty right now that I'd swear it was affecting the brightness of the headlights.
I'd like to think that when I can drive I will be sensible and do these things to my car but I am a bit absent minded and airy fairy at times...

I was wondering what to get MrsP as a little extra pressie. I suppose a folding spade and a hi-vis jacket is a suitable gift

You should wash the car more often in winter, as salt is bad for it. But yes, make sure your lights are clear - a pack of baby wipes and a pack of tissues make a good glass-cleaning kit.

Also take a weapon for beating the living daylights out of the people who think that the correct way to get up a hill in the snow is to do it as slowly as possible, preferably stopping a few times on the way up.

I'm going to put my 125cc motorbike in the boot of the car.

Hivi's are cheap and really, really sensible. As most of you know, you need them in your car by law if you're driving in France (along with some spare bulbs, a warning triangle and a fire extinguisher). I've even got a tiny hivi for the Grimlet

FTF the Clio & it's teeny tiny reservoir. On a bad morning you could run it out on the 30ish miles to Glesga

Spare bulbs are an interesting requirement, seeing as how a lot of cars don't have user-serviceable bulbs these days, as I discovered to my cost a few weeks back.

Like I said, other people are the worst problem. Sure, we don't have enough snow to need snow chains or tyres, but there are sensible ways to drive in the snow that make a big difference.

When it snowed last year and I borrowed a big 4x4 to go and help people out, the idiocy on display was astounding. Perhaps the best thing we saw was the woman that didn't know how to put her little Suzuki into 4wd, and the woman* in a shiny new Jaguar who stopped on the side of the road up a hill (causing people behind her to have to go around or, worse, stop when there was incoming traffic) because her traction control light was flashing, and she "didn't want to break the car". She was also livid that the AA wouldn't be able to get to her for a few hours.

Also, I'm sure things were never this bad when I was younger.

*There were some men being idiots too, but they're the two I remember

Surely the size of the windscreen washer doesn't effect the amount of spare fluid you have to carry?

Do you have one of these lists for us pedestrians? something like snow shoes, a tracker bar and some lucozade?

Ooh, that's a good point, while we're on the subject. When it's only £28 for a year of AA roadside cover you'd have to be an utter, utter moron not to have it. At that price, it's even worth considering if you don't actually drive, as you'll still be covered in any vehicle you are a passenger of.

Thankfully, we get Green Flag cover through the joint account. Fingers crossed, it's never been needed.

Backpack / daypack
Gloves (or mittens) / hat / scarf
Multiple layers of clothes including a waterproof coat
Mobile phone
Hotwaterbottle or some of those little jell things you can get to heat up gloves
Boots with a good tread
Depending on terrain a walking stick / pole
A note left behind saying where your going and when you expect to return
Map and compass or GPS
Probably some alcohol (a wee dram to keep the chill out)
A friend to help you

Lassie.

A weak lemon drink

I was stuck in traffic in snow a couple of years ago and a friend was in front of me.

He phoned me at one point and asked if I had a bottle he could urinate in... So you may want to carry one of these spare.

A bottle... Not the urine.

Apparently there has been a little bit of snow in the Camden area, down to Kingston, so everyone drive there and test out their kit.

Oh flipping heck, that reminds me.

We were driving up to Middlesbrough on friday and there was a quite big accident on the M1 that blocked all 6 lanes for an hour. We were parked about 10 cars back from the scene and it was pretty intense for a while. There were at least 8 police cars, 2 fire engines, 5 ambulances and 2 motorway maintenance lorries in attendance. That is the first time I have ever walked across three lanes of motorway to take a piss

Crampons & an ice axe.
Some of that disgusting coffee that you click the base & it heats it for you. Warms your hands too
A flask of soup.
Extra socks.
Plenty of fluid (best not have alcohol).I think it would, if the reservoir doesn't hold enough for the job then you'd need to carry enough to make up the difference & moar just in case.

It's snowing on the South Bank (Waterloo, Blackfriars area) right now.

It's a bit far. I'll hang on till Sunday when we get heavy snow showers here

It's beginning here.

I think that's what the folding spade is for?

I don't have any of that stuff, oops!

Snowing here, slap bang in the middle of Old London Town ( well, Gray's Inn Road, anyway ).

I know nothing about electric cars, but I'm pretty sure most of that stuff applies. Not fuel, obviously. Do electric cars have coolant?

Only a tiny bit that goes through the heater.. But yes, I should have most of that stuff, that's what I mean!

Cuuuuuunt. The forecast last night was for a light shower today, then Saturday. Today it's light showers tomorrow through Saturday.

If it's started already, maybe I'm not going to make it down this weekend. That would suck.

No snow here

Please make snows.

The 10-day forecast has snow on Christmas Day!

If it snows, I'll work from home. If it starts snowing and settling while I'm actually at work, I'm getting in the car and going home.

One thing my commute has taught me is the value of having a fully-charged DS in the car with you! I've been stranded 2-3 times for around 2 hours or so on the motorway and sitting in your warm car playing Professor Layton is, in my humble opinion, far better than getting out of the car, walking around and huffing, like so many other people seem to do.

Even better is being stuck in a car that you do not own, say for instance a curtesy car. This allows you to leave the car idling with the aircon/heating running for the entire 2 hours with little care for what you're probably doing to the car!

ProTip: Read the screenwash label before buying. I picked up a 1l bottle of Tesco Concentrated Screenwash when I was buying petrol last night and didn't bother; I assumed that a) 'concentrated' and b) 1l instead of 5l the premixes come in.

Turns out the label says "protects down to -5C when used undiluted". For fuck's sake, Tesco.

I'm taking a chance on a 50:50 mix, the reservoir was half full anyway, and with salt spray I'll probably get through at least half on the way down to Oxford.

Also: balls; we've got two scrapers and I think I've left both of them at home.

ProTip: When defrosting your car first thing in the morning, don't open the door, stick the key in the ignition, turn the engine on, then the heaters, and then close the door while you go back inside the house.

One of three things will happen:

a) You will come back outside, go to your car, open the door and drive off as normal.
b) You will come back outside, only to find that your car is no longer there.
c) You will come back outside, only to find that the automatic anti-carjacking device has triggered on your car and the keys are now locked inside the car with the engine running.

Which one was it chap? I'm guessing 'A'

Well, none of them for me because I never leave the car unattended when it's running, what with it being against the law* and all that.

C happened to a friend of mine though. We did larf.

* I think.

I think it's in the highway code that you shouldn't, but that doesn't make it law until something goes wrong and you get hit for dangerous driving.
I used to leave my car running all the time, but then I did used to live in the middle of nowhere.

Are there some cars that have a warm up feature that let you secure them with the engine running? I'm sure that this is what someone was trying to show me on their brand new BMW 4x4 effort but I wasn't really paying any attention.

Some alarms have that as an option (also cool-down, for big turbo cars). Insurance companies do not like it.

Yup.

Mine has a 2kW fan heater in the passenger footwell, connected to a timer. It runs for half an hour before I leave for / from work, and heats the car up nicely and melts any ice on the screen.