Be Excellent To Each Other

So, long saga, I'm having some trouble with a housemate, and would like some advice on what you guys think is fair/right in this scenario.

At the end of first year of uni, my parents bought a 3 bedroom house near my uni. They then got the total price of bills + their mortgage payments a month, and split it between me and some of my friends, and ended up charging us all a decent amount less than market rate rent, for a pretty nice house. It was me, Bill, Garry and Anabelle (fake names ). Me and Bill pay 'Y' rent, Garry and Anabelle (a couple) who shared a room paid 1.5x 'Y' rent between them. They do not change rent as bills fluctuate, but tell us to keep an eye on not using too much of stuff.

I was pretty good friends with Bill and Garry, but didn't know Anabelle all that well. After a while, she was quite annoying, but nothing too bad (complaining that we should put the heating up when she was just wearing a T Shirt, watching shitty TV). We also all decided to do communal shopping, although Garry and Anabelle definitely got more expensive stuff.

The tenancy agreement says that if someone wants to move out, they have to give a months notice, and are liable for rent payments until the room can be filled. Also, my parents can say to someone "you have to move out", and in a months time, they have to be out.

Anyway, this all ran fairly smoothly for a while.

At the start of the academic year this year (so we had been in the house together for around a year), Garry and Anabelle were arguing a lot. Shouting and screaming at each other constantly, for several weeks non stop. This made the house a horrible place for us all to live. It turned out Anabelle had cheated on Garry, and they were splitting up.

Anabelle then did absolutely nothing about moving out on her own. I am convinced she would have stayed if she could.

She asked Garry to check out new places with her, she took a bunch of our (my) stuff "just until she could get some more", and I know for a fact she has got more stuff, but has not returned mine. She picked to live in a place as close as possible, (5 minutes round the corner) and didn't even carry any of her own stuff to her house (asked him to do it, and he did).

The very next morning after, she was back round our house to use our internet. She also didn't give her keys back until forced to. On average she is now round here at least 3 days a week. She also uses our bath, leaves the bathroom in a mess, and continues to have regular loud arguments with Garry.

Also, at some point the heating was left on for 13 hours a day. It wasn't me or Bill that did it, so it was either Garry or Anabelle that turned it on that much. We have also had one of the most expensive gas bills in a long time.

Garry in general is not a very good housemate. He plays a lot of loud music, he is very selfish about doing anything around the house, and definitely does less than his fair share.

His rent was supposed to go from half of his 1.5x amount to 1x, same as me and Bill. Without my knowledge, he phoned my parents and explained that he couldn't afford to pay it because of unexpected financial trouble.

I know that he does not have financial trouble, I know that he spends probably not much less than £100 a week on cannabis, which he also invites Annabelle round to our house for, because her tenancy agreement says she will be kicked out and loose her deposit if she does drugs in the house, whereas my parents are more tolerant of cannabis (but not of being lied to).

He also, bragged to me that he had got a £250 overdraught extension, and that he said it was for "bills and stuff" but he plans to spend most of it on cannabis. (he doesn't know that I know he is not meeting the financial commitment he made to my parents).



So. What do I want?
Basically, I want to not have Annabelle in my house using our stuff when she is not paying. I also don't want to live in a house that I am scared to go downstairs in because of an argument.

I am pretty certain that the only way to get rid of her, is for Garry to move out. She has definately been pretty manipulative, and he is falling for it. They are both dishonest and selfish, but he is still my mate.

I also don't want Garry taking the piss regarding paying my parents, when they have been so generous to him.

Any thoughts or ideas as to what I should do? My options are:

1. Do nothing, put up with it, and hope it goes away (which I doubt it will)
2. Talk to Garry myself, telling him that he needs to change his behavior.
3. Talk to Garry myself, telling him that he needs to change his behavior, or that he will have to find a new house in a months time.
4. Get the landlord (my parents, who are basically entirely in agreement with me) to talk to him, telling him that he needs to change his behavior.
5. Get the landlord (my parents, who are basically entirely in agreement with me) to talk to him, telling him that he needs to change his behavior, or that he will have to find a new house in a months time.

1 solves nothing, and the rest are likely to result in some form of confrontation, and likely the end of the friendship.

I have no real desire to loose Garry as a friend, but do you guys think you would ever continue to be friends with someone who essentially kicked you out of their house.

I think you hve to ask yourself why you value this guy's friendship.

He clearly does nothing but walk over you and the generosity of your parents. I think you have to confront him about these issues, even if it's just a case of sitting him down on his own one day and reading him this post you've written!

The best possible outcome of this is that he sees sense and stops being a dick, and stops messing other people around financially. The worst is that he moves out and you lose him as a friend. So again; ask yourself how much you want this person as a friend.

For me, the cold, harsh reality would have begun with your parents' part of the deal when he began to not be able to afford his rent.

Oh, and tell Anabelle that the rest of you have had a vote, and although you're fine with her coming over, she is a guest of Garry only, and is therefore not welcome to do anything a normal guest wouldn't do eg using the bath, changing heating settings etc.

Kick them the fuck out dude! Seriously, life's too short. Friends like that?

I wish I'd had your position to deal with annoying / abusive housemates while I was at uni, but I lived in someone else's parents' house and had to put up with crapness for money reasons.

We had basically one of my housemates in 2nd year uni, her girlfriend basically lived round our house as she hated her housemates. in a way to sorta make people feel better about her using the internet and stuff, she bought all the communial stuff like bog roll, washing up liquid, butter, soap etc...
Probably wont work in your situation as gary and anabelle need a kick up the arse really!

Get your parents to have a word with them, but dont threaten, give them a couple of weeks, and if it continues get your parents to have another word and basically kick them out.

thats what I'd do anyway

Talk to your parents about it. They've been lied to - he may well be in financial trouble, but if he made an effort to cut back (drugs and booze = FIRST FUCKING THING TO CUT BACK ON, MORON*), he probably wouldn't be.

Talk to Garry, if possible. He needs to know he's bothering you, and he probably has things to say to you as well. At the very least, he needs to give this woman the boot, not just because she's infringing on your home, but because it's probably pretty unhealthy for him, too. It's ugly, but it's better than leaving it. And don't sacrifice your happiness for this guy - it's obviously bothering you a lot, and it doesn't sound like a petty diference of living. Some people, friends or not, just shouldn't live together. If he goes and you patch it up, you've done yourselves a favour. If he goes and you don't patch it up, you've done yourselves a favour. If he stays, you'll probably all just get more frustrated.

Be as candid as possible. If that fails, be as ruthless and cunning as necessary. And finally, when it comes to money and theft, take it from someone who's had over £400 extorted and then outright stolen by people who would be homeless if not for him - if you lend someone money and you never see them again, it was worth it.



*Him, not you, obv.

Fuck me, that's hash. So if Person A gives notice, and moves out after a month, and the room isn't filled for 3 months, they pay?

Really, though, I would say that the contract lies between Gary and your parents. So fuck Anabel, that'll piss gary off, he'll move out, convert the other one to Christianity, and he'll fuck off to live in a church, and you get the place to yourself.

OR, suck it up for the rest of the tenancy and move out yourself some other time.

You can't really Stop A coming around if she's a guest of G, nor can you force G to do his "fair share". Shitty housemates are part of life, I'm afraid. Mind you, if he's smoking a fuckton of dope, he'll get The Mentals, and drop out of uni soon, anyway.

Send pics of Anabel, pref nekkid.

Y

Sue the bastards, all of them, for everything, under anything.

Or man up, and stop being a girly man.



In seriousness. I'd chose option 2, and look yourself for somewhere new to live, as it isn't really clear if you are acting as an agent for your parents or not. besides, moving around new houses at Uni is good fun. The other thing is, IF something bad happens, like a serious accidental breakage, or a fire, and your parents remove the deposit from your friends, that could cause serious problems. If I were you, I'd move out myself, but still act as an agent for your parents, that way, you're outside the situation, and can view it objectively, and your housemates are "customers", not "friends". personally, I blame people grow up watching Friends and believe that life with other people is going to be like that, then get upset when it isn't.

To be honest, you need to be firm with him. If that doesn't work, then say you will take the next step. Sadly, I've been far too nervous in the past to take this advice, and it has cost me, both in terms of relationships and financially. Frankly, significant others are a world of pain.

Option #3 sounds like the best one to me.

When I had a house, I had the same terms. I got a lot of shit when someone moved out without notice and I essentially ended up chasing them to pay up for three months' rent (which they eventually did, although they still ended up owing me £70-odd in unpaid bills). And you know what? Tough shit. He'd signed the contract for an entire college year, and he reneged on that, and I couldn't fill the room. Rentals aren't charities.

(Of course, if someone moves out because a landlord is a bastard or a property is uninhabitable, that's different, but my 'student' house was the best one I ever saw.)

I'd be utterly astonished if that was enforceable. Why would the landlord even bother advertising the room?

Kick Garry out. Doesn't sound like you'd be losing a friend at all, just another self absorbed prick, and trust me, they are NOT in short supply.

He's obnoxious and he's lied to your parents about the rent.

Trust me, if you don't take decisive action it'll only get worse - he's taking the piss and people like that don't get better with age they get worse.
Better to have a confrontation now, I think, and not worry about losing this person from your life. These kind of people are referred to as toxic friends by psychologists.

Oh - and opinion:

I wouldn't say straightaway kick the guy out - because he may be a bit of a dick, but it sounds like he's a friend. We've all had those.

Confront him. Tell him he's taking the piss out of you, out of your parents, and out of Bill (does Bill have an opinion, by the way?). Warn him that things can't go on as they are (the implicit threat should be enough) and make clear what you think needs to change.

Call the police down on Garry for the dopeage. That'll learn him. Unless you do the weed too, of course. In which case, don't.

Just tell your parents about all of this, and they'll likely kick Garry out. Getting rid of him will get rid of Annabel too, so job well done.

Have a word with him and if he won't mend his ways, get rid. If he's a mate he'll understand, if he's an arsehole about it then cut your losses. Let your parents in on the full situation, they might just want him out without his rent money.

My way or the highway basically. They are taking the piss and will continue to do so until forced to stop. Whether this is totally deliberate or not is irrelevant. You are doing them a big favour already by allowing them to live a fair bit cheaper than most people in a house that I assume isn't riddled with damp or fundamental structure failure. Maybe they see this favour as some kind of weakness on your part? Or maybe they are too wrapped up in themselves to know.

Anyway, ask them to leave and if they don't get your parents to force them to leave (as the landlords it is, afterall, their problem). Don't hold your breath over the rent payments though.

According to my solicitor, who drew up the contract, it is. Someone is taking out a contract for a specific length of time, and they are made fully aware of that before signing. They're therefore still liable regardless, unless the contract is broken by some other means (for example, the heating breaking and the landlord not bothering to fix it).

Sure. Normal Assured Shorthold Tenancy agreements are contracts to pay £X per month for Y months, and have no legal requirement for a getout clause for the tenant. This is no different, and even has a getout clause (if you can find someone to move in in your place, we let you escape the contract).

Surely the past tense implies something here

Yeah, my bad - I meant after the initial fixed term period had elapsed, though I guess this happens less often with university students.

get your parents to kick him the fuck out.

Jeremy Kyle him.

get your parents to kick him the fuck out.

Edit: Err, yeah, I feel that strongly about!

He is still a tennant.

In that case, see if David will loan him a few quid. He's quite flush, apparently.

[insert joke about Neil Tennant and rent boys]

If he's a really a mate, you owe it to him to be honest. Tell him what's pissing you off and why, give him the chance to sort it out.

This advice brought to you courtesy of Do As I Say Not As I Do PLC.

I lived with a mate way back when I was 22 and it's fair to say in true Odd Couple Stylee ! was a fucking slob and he was a tidy freak. We had a full and frank conversation about it and despite his mother calling me a "hippy" we're still bezzies 16 years later.

If you air the problem he should mend his ways if he's a proper mate as others have said.

If he doesn't change then piss in his bed every day and if he complains say that being a lazy inconsiderate cunt seem to be the new Heads of Terms for your friendship/tenancy.

Plastic sheeting and a good quality hacksaw can be purchased from B&Q.

How many nights of pissybed did it take for you to change?

Too long, I can't get to sleep without inhaling a lungful of piss each night.

Good advices so far.

I am going to speak to Bill tonight, and see exactly how he feels, and probably then talk to Garry too.

Cheers, I'll let you know how it goes.

Also how do you spend £100 a week on cannabis? Isn't that like, a pretty large amount?

7 days, a £20 bag most days.

Fuck me. Just lock him out and he'll forget he lives with you.

Fuck, that is a lot..

Get a 'Talk to Frank' leflet for him.

Before you do anything hasty, is 'Anabelle' fit?

Not really. Well, my girlfriend is a lot prettier.

But is she dirtier?

Only one way to find out, etc, etc.

Going on how often she comes around to Lewie's house to use the bath, I suspect not

Gee...let me just get some naked pictures of them both so you guys can compare...

Times-a-ticking.

Sign them up for Big Brother.

I'd ignore what i just said. Reading now.

Well, this morning decided to shout at me and Bill. Then he phoned my Mum up a decided to shout at her down the phone too.

So basically fuck him, he is out by the end of next month. I am down one 'friend', but I have a much nicer living environment.

Good man. Things like this are shit, but have to be done sometimes, sadly.

LewieP Levels Up! (+30 to throw Stoners, Now receives Parental Backup Assist on saving throws)

You've done the right thing man.