2) Lies of P (Xbox)

It “feels” exactly like a Sekisoulsborne game. Like, exactly. It could literally have been made by Fromsoftware from running with the B button, the speed of the running and walking, the speed of ladder climbing, eats, etc etc. The levels are mainly linear with some off shoots and circling back to a bonfire and all that. I don’t think there are any secret levels like you’d get in a Fromsoft game, mind, or at least I never found any.

It’s a weird mix of Dark Souls but with Sekiro parry combat, well, as long as you engage with the parry system but you can almost play it like a vanilla Dark Souls game. Almost - cause some bosses are fucking annoying and will kick your sweet ass unless you start parrying their string of combos. There’s no shield to speak of and it does the Bloodborne thing where any blocked attacks take health off your chap unless you deal damage shortly after to get your health back. Unless you do a parry and you get no damage off and can stagger them if you do it enough and do a hard hit, like Sekiro. It works but it feel intuitive after a few hours. You just get into a rhythm and enjoy it as any good Dark Souls game.

…about Pinocchio, for some reason.

Anyway, it’s rock hard for a Soulsborne game, more like Bloodborne than anything else. It’s proper good and probably the best Souls-like there ever was cause it feels Fromsoft-like.

…for 95% of the game. I’m sorry but for the final area they just shit the bed. Too hard, too boring, and a couple of lengthy runs through mobs of spongy enemies that aren’t much fun to fight against. The same old dickheads keep showing up and it’s boring. An area with all the enemies that do the acid attack? Sure. An area with all the fencing guys? Sure. Just lots of cut and paste stuff that’s not much fun.

I’ll tell you what makes it not a Fromsoft game? No matter what game I’d want to clear out EVERY. SINGLE. AREA. I can’t move on until everyone is dead at least once and I’ve explored as much as possible. And I was doing this for every level up until this final area when I started just running past guys to get to the checkpoint so I can get it over with. Lengthy runs with cheap areas filled with cheap dickheads.

Which is a bit of a shame cause it has some good bosses in this area. I especially liked the woman knight on the bridge and even the final boss with his absolutely crackers introduction to his second phase! Bloody ace that was. UNTIL THE FINAL-FINAL BOSS. All of a sudden, there’s a guy who has all of the games weapons, randomly changing back and forth, making it extremely hard to read the moves and they take away the ability to call in co-op help (always AI controlled, cause there’s no online). Absolutely fucked me. And of course he’s got a second stage where he’s even quicker and cuntier. I got real bored and opted to give the main baddie my bits and just got the shit ending. I’ve saved it so I could go back but why bother when I could get on with my life and watch the other endings on YouTube.

And I was thinking about this boss for a couple of days since calling it quits. It just wasn’t smart and satisfying like the final boss (Isshin?) of Sekiro. You’d learn Isshin’s three sets of moves and if you got it all lined up perfectly you could split him down the middle in no time. It was fair and it was a beautiful sword fight. Lies of P’s final boss is just another puppet. He comes out of nowhere and you fight him in this boring unattractive grey stone walled arena. He’s boring to fight and the second phase feels very unfair as he dashes around with barely any change for a damaging input. I had loads of these star things that could call in a coop helper but it just says nah, get fucked, so I noped out. What a shame. But hey, that’s less than 1% of the whole game and was optional so… fuck it.