Be Excellent To Each Other

I’d question the use of the word “music” in this context.

When Tony starts talking you need to bring out the heavy guns.

There was a guy Russell used to work with who was like that. Lovely guy, but man alive he’d talk your ear off if you happened to stand near him. I was once on a team with him at the Christmas quiz and he was just exhausting to be around.

He never annoyed me, but I never worked closely with him. Russell sat near him at one point and was just constantly irritated.

Actually, Dr Zoidberg would have worked with him, too. I’m not sure how closely. Close enough, though.

Which one?

Oh, I think Mark was the biggest one.

Yabber yabber yabber until your ears fell off. I don’t know how he ever got any work done. He once popped around to my desk to ask a question and was still there 90 minutes later.

He didn’t.

Him and Pete had this great scam worked out where they would set up laptops for people one at a time, using a CD with windows on, so it would take most of the day, hidden over the road.

I got Gregg to build a Windows Deployment Services system so they could re-image a dozen machines at the same time and get it done in half an hour. They were *really* annoyed, but I’d already told Kathryn how much spare time they had now saved for other work so they couldn’t argue.

efficiency was the enemy in a lot of things. Kev was similarly up for a long old chat if you stumbled upon one of his pet subjects.

You lost me at 'hidden over the road.'

Now that I'm 50 I'm officially old and washed up. But I'm determined to be grown up about it and so tomorrow I've got a blood test (routine health check up + I asked them to test PSA levels as that's all over the news). They've also sent me a bowel cancer screening kit which involves somehow catching my poo, taking a sample of it and putting it in a thing I post back to them.

THIS SUCKS.

Also, they've said to fast before the test. Ugh.

So you don’t need to get anywhere near your poo. Pee first, then flush.

Wait for the flush to settle, then bring a wasteful amount of tissue paper off the roll. Fold it a few times so it is about 40cm long and lay it front to back in the loo bowl like a ‘hammock’, lol. Then do the same, this time laying the paper side to side.

Poop de doop.

Then you have your sample to either move the testing wand along or to take a small sample of, whichever your test is requiring.

Get it packaged up and sent, feeling proud you are adulting correctly.

Do not poo in the tupperware.

Ta, Mimz. I'll get that done this week. I'll definitely be using the insane amount of toilet paper that Mrs Blucey uses a general daily basis for this one.

It is a Mark thing

I've been sending shit samples for years. No biggy, just a small jobby.

TomTom are cheeky twats.

I've had a TomTom GO5200 for years. I had an earlier model before that.

Recently, TomTom have been mailing me, trying to persuade me to buy a new one, but my current one is working perfectly well. They told me that I'm using outdated technology and offered me a 35% discount on a new one, but why bother if there's nothing wrong with the old one?

Today they mailed me thusly:

'Your GO 5200 is reaching the end of its built-in SIM support which means soon you will not be able to receive TomTom Traffic via your built-in SIM anymore.

You can continue receiving TomTom Traffic and Services by connecting your GO 5200 to your smartphone via Bluetooth® wireless technology.'

This 'end of its built in SIM' thing sounds like bullshit to me, and another attempt to get me to buy a new one. Out of curiosity I thought I'd have a look at their current range and as I scrolled down, looking at the features, they ALL say that Traffic Updates require connection to a smartphone, so if I'd gone ahead and bought a new one, I'd still have to use my phone for live traffic updates. I had a look at a couple of other makes and it seems that they also require connection to a phone for traffic updates.

If TomTom just want to save money by not paying for live traffic updates via the internal SIM, why aren't they honest and just say they're discontinuing that facility?

This whole conversation horrifies me.

The one before this new Tomtom one.

What you don't realise that TomTom is Warhead's pet name for his bum.

Asshole.

(That's my pet name for it, I wasn't insulting you.)

If you've had kids and/or dogs or cats, you've had to deal with handling shit.

Obtaining and sending off a tiny bit of your excrement in a purpose built sample thingy, in the privacy of your own home, is less stressful than having to pick up your dog's turds in a bag, in the street, and then walking around with a shit bag until you find a bin to put it in.

Man up and get your shit together.

Finally started running with Sherbet this week and it turns out running with a full shit bag adds a whole new level of fun

Have you seen Dicky Bags? They're little neoprene sealed bags you can store your shit bag in, and then you could strap it to your belt like an incredibly gross batman.

Googled Dicky Bags for no reason at all and the logo is wonderful

What did you think shark repellent actually was?

I’m going to add this to this thread because it IS a first world problem, but I’m pretty convinced that my dream last night was due to the recent posts here.

I went to use a public toilet (it was actually the toilet block at my high school), when I realised that the loo was out in the open. A chap walked in and I was trying to cover myself. Then I decided to wait for a stall. When a stall became free I went in there for a wee but the man in the next stall decided to start a conversation. He told me that he did a metre-long poo that was perfectly straight, and that each 20cm was a different texture, and one section looked like brickwork, would I like to see? I was trying to get out of the toilet block as quickly as possible and saying ‘um, just give me a minute…’ whilst hurriedly washing my hands and going outside into a huge field and running away.

Shatman

Such a long time you've been waiting for an opportunity to repost that.

Excellent.

And by pure coincidence I got a letter from the NHS today to tell me that my annual shit testing kit would be on its way to me very soon.

Todays sodding Wordle.

Gawd yes. Got it on the sixth, but even after typing it I didn't really believe it.

Yeah wtf even is that? Sounds more like an Autechre track.

It's a type of musical instrument made out of worms

I don't do Wordle, but I'm intrigued. What was the sodding word?

UVULA

TWO Us AND A V!

UVAVU

VUVUZELA

Oh, that dangly bit at the back of your throat.

What's the problem with that?

It was a difficult-to-get Wordle answer as it has an unusual letter order.

Worse than an Americanism.