Be Excellent To Each Other

What a bitter and angry man. What has my top hat ever done to you? You are definitely not the sort of person we as a group should be spending time with. I would almost say you are as bad as CG, but I don't think you could be that evil if the rumours about CG are to be believed.

Aha! A roleclaim!

Your tea break has so far lasted 5 hours 17 minutes, which sounds about right.

*sucks loudly through teeth*

See the thing is mate, this is one of those import balloons innit? Take a bit of time for the parts to get here. Give me a call at the end of the week and I'll let you know how it's getting on.

A repairman who finds himself in a balloon? Presumably without the means to scale the side and detach the explosives - even if you were trained in such a situation?

I find it hard to give you credence, sir. I suggest you climb over the side and make with the wires. Once clinging to the bottom of the balloon, try the blue one first. Then the red. And then give yourself a round of applause.

What? This is the model fitted with the explosives? Why didn't you say so before, I'll have to get onto my supplier and see if I can change the order. Needs some special parts this one, so it might put the price up a bit.
Of course I can't go messing with the explosives, that's a whole different kettle o' fish. You'll have to take it back to the dealer if you need them looking at.

Personally, I think for making such a game breaking role claim that the mighty and great Plissken should mod kill him ASAP.

That is, after ComicalGnomes is gone of course.

So you are useless then? Could you just sit here, please?
*Indicatescomfy seat on top of Springmaster2000*

I believe I have found Joans' Achilles Heel. He is chasing the money - taking his repairmancraft direct to the customers and hoping to tap them up for cash, bypassing the middle man and so forth.

On that basis, I cast my wallet over the side - go fetch!

(obviously I have surreptitiously removed the money - yes, that's what I was doing in my pockets, I do not really get off on these situations)

If I am to be thrown off, I wish to wildy grab Bluecup and take the fucker with me. I see this as perfectly within the rules of the game.

You are mistaken.

Is it within the rules of the game to come to your house, violently murder you, and pose as you for the rest of the game, throwing off anyone I choose? This is a viable alternative.

I'm sure it's fine. There's only one way to get there though. Come stand in this corner of the balloon.

*sucks through teeth, even louder and more prolonged than last time*

The springmaster2000 mate? Not very reliable those, are they? I could take a look at it for you if you want?

Anyway, of course I'm not useless, I'm the balloon repair man, quite why you think that's synonymous with being an explosives expert I don't know.

*straightens top hat for umpth time, damn wind*

What's the matter Comical? I'm only passing on rumours that I've heard which our fellows passengers might like to know to make an informed decision.

Now if you are have a sense of humour break down then that is a different matter because I think that is a tossing offence.

*Looks to our great and noble captain Plissken for rule clarification*

Hyperbolic nonsense, you useless bag of ballast, you.

You are in a balloon high above the ground fella with no way of getting from there, to here, without the words "plummet", "terminal" and "velocity" springing to mind.

Six hours to first spoinging!

I'd like to run round the basket going "yip yip yip" in a mild panic, but there just isn't the space. See, that's why I brought the hamster - there's always room to swing a hamster, no matter where you are.

Sorry Hammy. I won't do it again.

Why don't you do that? Take a good look, I reckon this might be the best angle. Right here on top, yes, that's right, climb aboard, don't be shy. As you say, they aren't very reliable.

*suddenly remembers situation and picks up the springmaster2000 and throws it over the side*

Pretty heavy the 2000 models. Can't really afford to keep it around in our current situation, can we?

He's no engineer.

He's just thrown my picnic basket over the side. Crazy fool.

It's not my fault, Bobbyaro had hastily scrawled springmaster 2000 on the side in jam. Indistinguishable from the real thing.

Right - well. Back to my original plan of cooking and eating people then. Do we have any garlic?

I think JBR said he had some in his picnic bas- oh, sorry.

If the meat's good enough we might do okay without seasoning. Someone whose muscles have been used, but not too much. A quick typist, perhaps?

Do we want to be starting a fire in this wicker basket, though? Can someone take the matches away from Craster?

Maybe a fire will burn through the ropes holding the explosives on? Or maybe just burn the explosives, possibly not the best idea. On a par with putting frikkin' explosives on a balloon in the first place!

Actually, eating people won't decrease the weight of the balloon.

Second actually, is there a toilet on board, I am bursting.

I assume you'll need to use the Super Mega Actuating Springboard, it could get messy. Do we have an umbrella on board?

* Roots in magic bag for umbrella *

And by magic bag I just mean bag.

And by bag I mean pants.

And by umbrella I mean penis.

*Starts edging towards opposite corner to Dudley*

I never noticed how cramped we were in here.

Well it's crowded now Dudley is standing proudly over us, protecting us all from a shower of shit with his cock.

I don't know whether to be thankful or terrified.

terrified, absolutely terrified.

Dudley, will you put that thing down, your rocking the balloon!

Don't throw me out, I'm the only one here.

I'm resting, saving my strength against the need to wrestle someone onto the eject-o-matic later this evening.

And so the first day ends. The passengers have come to terms with their situation surprisingly well, immediately descending into an orgy of backstabbing and recrimination. Well done!

However, that is all the congratulations you will get, as the more pertinent matter of SOMEONES IMMINENT DEATH needs to be resolved.

In the end one person stood head and shoulders (and soon to be briefly torso and legs) above the rest. It takes a special kind of genius to get yourself trapped on an exploding balloon. It then takes a very special kind of genius to proclaim "Oooh, I'm an engineer, I can fix this". And then fail utterly to do so.

But it takes truly exceptional genius to throw the main supply of food overboard as well.

Unfortunately for Joans, the Springomatic 2000 is in fine working order.

SSSSPPPPPPOOOOOIIIIINNNNNG!

If only JOANS had remebered the special Manual Safety Override, but what do you expect from someone we picked up from tech support at PC World.

Still, Joans can take comfort in the prettiness of the red splodge he had made against the landscape.

Wait! The Interested Observers are running and shouting at you! They are unfurling a couple of blankets. Perhaps these are safety blankets for you to jump into and save yourselves?

Ah. They've unfurled a blanket next to Joans remains. There is a message

9.6

They seem to be impressed. A second blanket says "We like hamsters".