Be Excellent To Each Other

I've got this comment running around my head "I thought I was enjoying myself but I realised it's just a mindless grind".

I tell you what's a mindless grind: Yo' momma.

But is it? And if it is, so what?

Is there anyone who hasn't played it on here? Let's get down to bizness. You are a knight, or a paladin, maybe you're a funky ninja, maybe you throw fireballs out your ass like a big poof too scared to get down and dirty with a big choppy sword, or maybe you're a miner. Cause, y'know, loot.

So off you pop to kill 4 bosses and a big boss in a castle. THE CATCH? The castle regenerates or some shit every time you enter cause the people who made it couldn't do a proper metroidvania game cause of budgets (I actually read that somewhere) OR MAYBE THEY AIN'T GOT SKILLZ. Apparently this is called Rogue-like from a game called Rogue. But I couldn't give a shit cause I've never played Rogue or any Rogue-like games. Actually I kinda dislike playing games without endings (I'm assuming Rogue games are just games that randomly generate until you put the disc away or delete it off your pooty) since what's the point if there's no end game. I tells ya I wouldn't be half as interested in Call of Duty if it didn't have a campaign game tacked on. EVEN A TACKED ON CAMPAIGN IS BETTER THAN NO CAMPAIGN, says I. I hear good things about that game in the woods where you make stuff and get better stuff and basically you see how long you can survive (I'm sure it was an early PS4 PS+ game cause it's sat on my PS4 not doing fack all) but I'll be damned if I'm playing it cause, well, what's the point. There's no scoreboard, and no fucker on here wants to play it, and I haven't got any friends into gaming. Or proper gaming, I should say. I've got this one friend who plays Battlefield. That's it. Just Battlefield. I played some Battlefield with him and he didn't say fuck all to me throughout and wasn't interested in pretending to be soldiers and watching each others backs and saying "move out" or "Oscar Mike" to each other. I wish I had friends who did that...

What am I moaning about? Rogue Legacy, oh yeah.

Is it a grind? Yes. You play until you die and then you come back as someone else and each person has various traits. The traits are largely inconsequential and are actually a pain in the arse - one guy is colourblind, one guy remembers where all the loot is, one woman farts when she jumps, one guy is colourblind and the screen is in all sepia; blah blah blah, it was fun to start but now I just avoid the guy who suffers from vertigo who changes the world upside down and plump for the classes. I want TANK. TANK, TANK, TANK. Cause that fucker can take a hit, and you get hit loads so you want that guy.

But you need gold. Gold for STAT UP. So you keep playing until you die with your gold so you can STAT UP your next guy. STAT UP remains throughout so your guys and gals gradually get more powerful, take more hits, and you unlock more classes. This takes a fair few runs through the ever changing castle.

AND IT'S FUCKING HARD. It ain't for wussy 5 minute gamers. You need a few hours of churning away, but it's all very Dark Souls 1. You can get by with a guy who dies in a couple of hits but you're always on the defensive, so when you STAT UP enough you gradually take the fight to them. Next thing you know you're the king of the castle. Well I was, but then I realised that the castle is level 1 and you need to defeat 5 levels.

So you go to the forest and get FUCKED UP. Cause everyone is now doubly harder and throw more stuff at you. So you run around and get more gold and stuff and STAT UP, until you are STAT UP enough to tackle the forest. Then you go somewhere else? The Tower? Why not? But they're all badasser up there so you need to STAT UP by doing more runs, getting more gold (which you're doing better now, cause all the STAT UP and stuff), until you gradually start tackling The Tower and start progressing through it and stuff.

Hang about, how's that like Dark Souls? I remember, cause you start off as a wimp but then STAT UP until you're a badass but then you keep meeting people who are more badass but then YOU'RE more badass and then you meet other folk who are all like I'M MORE BADASS and you're all like damn, he's badass so you go off somewhere else grind a bit and then come back and you're all like who's more badass now aye? Then they kill you. Yeah, it's just like that actually.

I've done the castle and the forest and now I'm badass enough to tackle the tower. It might take 10-20 runs or so but when I go back the 21st time I'll be all like I'M MORE BADASS and finally finish that level off. Probably.

So there you are. Rogue Legacy: it is literally exactly the same as, more or less, probably, but not literally the same as, Dark Souls 1.

But I'm still playing it and it could end up shit so, y'know, don't take my word for it.

1. It's not like dark souls.

2. Kick and fucking Fennick is so much better.

I had a little play on Kick & Fennick. Reminded me of an early PS1 game for kids but thank god there's no voiceover cause I would expect it'd be bad if there was one on it. I only played a little bit, mind, I'll give it a thorough going over though if it's so great.

But is it better than Super Mario World?

There's an update for this on vita which, get this, DISABLES automatic cross save? Dufuq!? That's the best bit. I don't have to worry what is saves and what ain't. Idiots.

Hang about, auto sync is still an option to turn on and off. Maybe they added that. Panic over.

I have now played this (despite having owned it for ages on PC). A fair bit. Has that one more go type of appeal.

Dragon guy is, despite sounding overpowered, an utter bastard to use. And cost lots too.

How the hell are you supposed to get some of those chests where you have to kill everything, but it's behind a wall?

I reckon your success in these rooms depends on your power move. Like the skeleton under the floor needs the axe; them star things behind a wall need the sycthe (or that kill everything on screen move)(actually I've just had a thought - maybe the tank shout would do them); some need the small guy to sneak in... etc.

Flame barrier can kill quite a few of them, the crow swarm is the best attack for them though.

I'm on my second run and it's even more brutal, Dragon is the best once you get used to it.

It's the expectation that the jump button moves you up no longer does that has caused many a death.

That he only comes up occasionally means it's hard to get used to.

I am trying this, since it seems to be big on Beex at the moment. Big on Beex, now there's a catchy phrase. I can only get a few rooms in before dying, is this normal? Why am I getting whipped? I don't deserve this.

Yes, yes it is.

Until you figure out how to not die, that is. Upgrades help too.

I also love finding a jukebox in the game, just so I can put this track on.

I'm not a fan of needless grinding, but Rogue Legacy is a great game despite it. The gameplay and controls are just tight and have a great feel.

This would be still a great game if it was a standard platformer or metroidvania.

I've defeated the third boss cause I'm ace.

Forth to the fourth boss. Who, incidentally, I've met and wasn't too difficult but was just difficult enough to beat me to a bloody pulp.

And I made a mess of the screen so it looked like I was playing Pang. Probably shouldn't have done that...

I've completed the game twice now, I played a little of newgame ++ and it's getting ridiculously hard now. Still great. Think I have used 130 children and a little over 20 hours when I had completed the second time. That's the times for finishing it twice by the way.