Be Excellent To Each Other

Seriously. Anyone?

What the fuck have they done with this? I can't understand what's going on except I'm pressing X a lot and people fall over. Y is getting no action whatsoever. A isn't needed and B fires massive neon shurikens for some reason (they were always useless anyway, but still). I thought I was doing well but it turns out that all those fancy moves that happened after I pressed X had fuck all to do with me.

It does look nice, there is loads of blood (although a full set of limbs on your victims corpse this time around), there's even some daft storyline and the inclusion of some retarded cut scenes but it seems the combat has been fucked up beyond recognition. Its a piece of piss so far (although I've only done one level) just by spamming X. And when did Ninja Gaiden have QTE cut scenes? Fucks sake.

I'll try again tomorrow. Hmmmm.

Yeah, I've only heard bad things about it.

Eurogamer have given this 4/10 to help celebrate our 4th birthday, that and because it's shit.

Ok, so I "get" what's happening now.

The flashy moves are basically the finishing moves from Ninja Gaiden 2 which are activated by pressing X on a character near the end of their health.

This is fine in itself.

The problem is the enemies consist mainly of fodder that have low health so that every second strike knocks them down to zero health and the finishing move is activated. So if you're surrounded by, say, seven blokes the finishing move just keeps repeating as you slam into the bodies.

If there wasn't do many pussy mo fo's this might actually be challenging but instead you're constantly getting the same finishing move repeated time after time after time after time. I'm only on the second level and I've already killed over a hundred of the same men with shitty English accents. That's a hundred times I've seen the same shit and I'm only two hours in.

I think I need a combo list as well because I can't seem to activate any combos at all starting with the Y button, and I was a rampaging beast of a man on the first two games.

The flow of the combat is just completely ruined. I'm sure the same Ninja Gaiden combat (and everything else too, cause the camera is as shit as ever) is underneath here somewhere as it gets fun when you're fighting anything but the standard balaclava pooftas.

Fuck this game I might even play Zelda instead for a bit.

(I'll still finish it mind)

If you turn off the in-game tutorial (there's only so many times you can be told how to jump up a wall), the game no longer tells you what buttons to press during the QTE's! Fucking hell.

Right, I've finished this shit now.

What a load of rancid spuff collected in a three week old condom, it was too.

I've seen the finishing animation 554 times and killed 1300 baddies in the short run through of, say, 7 hours or less. I'm amazed it never told me how long I'd been playing when I got the end stats but it relished telling me how many times I'd seen the same stock 3 or 4 animations. It got so boring after a while that when I'd chopped down an enemy I'd leave him to bleed out.

What made me laugh at the end was when you're running to the final battle and you come across all the fodder you'd killed hundreds of times over. All 10 of them. That's about 6 (barely) different types of human and 4 monsters. Yawn. Chop chop chop yawn chop chop. They haven't exactly been pulling out all the stops with the variety.

What else? I can now confirm having played the lot that the combat is fucked. Apart from the game ruining canned animations there's now the super power that's charged up by killing folk. When you get it, you hold Y and BLAMMO, he leaps from one enemy to the next instantly killing them. You can get about 6 kills out of this in a row. PLUS for some reason occassionally all this insta-killing will charge up the super power for more killing! Yay! So you chain up the instant killing, sit back and watch Ryu fly from one to the next dealing bloody death without your input at all! Yay! Because in a fighting game all that fighting can get tiring, right? I managed to chain three in a row instantly wiping out over 15 opponents. I made a cup of tea and he was just finishing up.

But that's not all!

Because mo' killing = super magic fun time! You get one magic throughout the entire game and watch as a big dragon fucks a load of people up if there's anyone left after all the instant death bringing. Apparently I'd watched the same animation 58 times...

A quick round up of other stuff: one weapon throughout, no levelling up, everything is there from the start, the combo list is now a live floating menu in-game, the combo list is just XXXY, XXXXXXXXX, XXXXXXXXY, with no descriptions at all, QTE throughout, the QTE's are all very samey and of course boring as fuck, Ryu now goes Gears of War and sticks his finger in his ear while walking v-e-r-y s-l-o-w-l-y, the story is a fucking mess, you won't care about anyone, it's like the worse manga ever made (child turns into 500 foot tall god creature), I spammed one boss by press forwards and Y throughout (tch), oh, it's just a shadow of its former self...

Take the story: it's always been silly - NG2 had you fighting demons for goodness sake, but when it tries so hard to be serious throughout but boils down to a giant sword that gets sucked out your body and a giant baby creature, it's just, well, stupid.

I wish that guy who just loved violence and big tits was still working for Team Ninja. He'd have drop kicked them in the anus for making this shit.

Oh but the Day One DLC has a new weapon to play with in the campaign!






Fuck. Off. You. Cunts.

Ninja Gaiden 2 had about 10 different weapons. And was about a tenner cheaper. Four fucking years ago.

NINJA GAIDEN 3: Razor's Edge demo is up!

I punish myself by trying it.

Oh my god, they've only gone and corrected a load of things from the original:

BLOOD!
DISMEMBERMENT!
BIG TITS!
LUDICROUS TIT PHYSICS!

And they've even added a second character with, YES, big tatty bo jangles! They're too good to us.

Unfortunately ev-er-y-thin-g else is the same. So it's still the same bag of shit it ever was. Nice effort though.