Be Excellent To Each Other

So, the Grim... household is hosting Christmas this year. Twelve people are coming for dinner.

So. How the fuck do you cook Christmas dinner, food nerds ("ferds")? Hint and tip me!

Phone caterers. Pay caterers.

EDIT: I'd do as much prep the day before as possible.

BBQ?

Thought about it, but I don't have a big enough BBQ. Unless I got three smaller turkeys, maybe.

This is a broad remit. What do you want to know?

Spatchcock the turkey. At Thanksgiving I cooked a 5.8 kg turkey in 90 minutes.

How to spatchcock a turkey, for starters

I dunno, really. I mean, do we just cover said turkey in salt and butter and bacon and leave it, or should we use spices and whatnot, or should we cook it upside down?

You can prep a shit-ton of it the night before or even earlier. All the veg, pigs in blankets, stuffing. The only thing you really need to do on the day is cook it all.

Tip one - work out what you're going to cook everything in, and see how many of those things you can get in the oven at one time.

We have two ovens now, so at least that's not a concern.

And I've just bought one of those probe thermometer things! That'll help, right?

Yes, it probably is. 12 is a lot of people.

"As much of a concern", then. We've actually got three ovens, if I want to go nuts and wire one to a normal plug.

Yup.

Christmas dinner is about as regimented as it gets. You'll have a load of stuff that goes into the oven that all pretty much requires a set time. Have a list of things and times, have them all ready in roasting tins, and get it done. Don't forget to rest the turkey while you make your gravy.

Meh. We* cooked for 12** at the weekend with no problems and just the solitary oven. Loads of leftovers too.


*Not me, obv
**Okay, 8 adults and 4 kids

I'm thinking of purchasing some tin-foil tins to cut down on the cleaning time (including the turkey - we'll put that inside a proper one). Good idea?

Yes. I do this at Thanksgiving.

You cooked what, though? Roast parsnips, roast potatoes, stuffing, turkey, pigs in blankets, roast carrots, yorkshire puddings [1] -- depending on your portion sizes and choice of how to cook sides, a roast dinner can need a lot of oven space.


[1] Anyone who says they should only be served with beef is a fool.

I find tin foil tins are shit as you normally need something with some strength for large meats.

Prep the night before as you'll be spending lots of time in the kitchen xmas day anyway.

Give yourself time to rest the meat (30 - 45 mins). Also allows for some panic cooking.

Warm your plates and have gravy. This should mean your food does not cool between serving and eating. It'll take some time to get it all out and you want your food warm.

Steam veg where you can as it tastes better, allow more time though.

Re-use your boiling and steaming water in your gravy also don't forget to use some meat fat (depending on how your making it).

Goose fat is awesome for roast spuds but almost any fat is.

Also remember opening the oven loses heat and it takes time to get back to eat again, extending cooking times. So try and look through the glass where possible.


That's about all the tips I can think of. Oh and buy a dish washer (if you haven't) and make the guests wash any extra ( you did bust a gut after all to make it)

The trick is to move them around using a secondary device. I use my pizza peel.

This thanksgiving was the best gravy I've ever made:

1) Get turkey from butcher. Request the giblets and the neck.
2) Spatchcock turkey. Chop the backbone into a few chunks.
3) Fry giblets, neck, and backbone over low-medium heat.
4) Add diced onion, carrot, celery. Keep frying.
5) Add chicken stock (I used 1.5 l, my turkey was 5.8 kg). Throw in some herbs (I used bay, parsley, a little thyme). Simmer for an hour.
6) Strain this through a sieve. Then use a gravy strainer (preferable) or skim the fat off. Put the liquid to one side.
7) Place turkey on a wire rack placed in a biiiig baking tray with the base filled with diced carrot, onion, parsnip, and celery.
8 ) Roast turkey.
9) Pour juices out of base of tray through fine mesh sieve. Again, skim fat off. Combine with earlier stock.
10) Make up a roux: melt butter (I used 30 g and it was far, far too little), whisk in the same amount of cornflour, and whisk around until the colour darkens a little.
11) Splash in stock, a little at a time, whisking thoroughly each time. I like to add a dash of gravy browning, a little mushroom ketchup, and some Madeira, but YMMV.

Great, so right at the end you toss in something that would mean I can't have any. Cunt.

Turkey
Roast potatoes
Pigs in blankets
Carrots
Sprouts w/ bacon
Stuffing
Parsnips Molly Parkin*

*Best parsnips ever.

Use your immense wealth to buy multiple ovens. Should make cooking much easier, as you don't have to juggle.

More than three?

I didn't read that post!

WHO HAS 3 OVENS!? Are you a professional kitchen? Or are you counting the microwave as an oven?

I think this christmas is going to be another "white christmas" at our house. ("black christmas" will probably be on boxing day).

I will cook the meat on Christmas eve, and then I'll do most of the rest on the day (new potatoes, sprouts, cauli, cabbage, broccolli, peas with Pauline doing the roast potatoes, yorkies, mash and gravy)

The inlaws will then do the washing up.

Malc

We have two plumbed in, and one in the garage that I could wire up if needed.

We only have 2 ovens at work. And that is a professional kitchen!

As everyone else said. Prep as much as possible before, stuffing can be done before veg can be prepped and ready to just chuck in the oven on the day. Make sure you drink while cooking, it'll.make it seem a lot easier.

Dig trench, fill with charcoal, roast turkey(s) on spit.

I also don't have a spit.

All you need is some kind of strong pole/stick & something to support it at either end.

What's the typical food on the black christmas day?

"Rice and peas" with maybe spicey duck/chicken perhaps some ackee or saltfish.

Malc

Pah! Turkey and gravy is the better option. I was hoping for some extravaganza i'd never heard of.

I don't know, spicy duck sounds nice.