Be Excellent To Each Other

Hmm, this morning before I popped out for my train down to the Gower for my lovely walk, pleasant, cheery and affable upstairs flat guy came down with his bike to go out. Had a brief chat about what I was up to on my day off, and he heads out.

Make myself some toast, and ten minutes later warrent officers knock on the door and give me a notice of warrent for his arrest - asking me to pass it on to him. They were a bit stern and no-nonsense, and very burly fellows.

Erk. I pop it into an envelope marked urgent with a short note explaining what they asked and a little message essentially saying, "Really sorry man, hope it works out for you," and run off for my train.

I've just got back now, lights are on upstairs. (Upstairs is always locked off, it being a seperate flat that shares my front door. It's just an average two flat converted house.) Hope he's okay, despite being most likely a benefit fraud or something. He seemed an alright sort, never drunk or anything and always recycled everything and helped keep the front shingle-garden clear.

Don't think I'll be locking my bedroom door despite having an alleged criminal upstairs. It's annoying this, because I like the guy and now I feel rather disappointed and cross because, this is my third house mate in a row - in two different houseshares - who's suffered a warrent of arrest. The others were a bit weird and dodgy, but not this one.

Fortunately I'm moving in with people I know somewhere else, this July. Hope that breaks the curse!

*Okay, didn't really know him beyond odd cup of tea and chat twice a week.
**Bit of a heartless subtitle, I know. But the Clash song hasn't left my head since.

If he's a master criminal then you'd do well to worry about your locks.



But yeah, probably benefit fraud or something. I know someone who was done for that. Stupid thing was that he was doing the afternoon show on a major radio station while claiming. No better way to advertise you are in work than broadcasting to half of Southern England every afternoon.

Let's just hope your ants don't get wind of his fugitive status and hire him as a mercenary.

Hang on, they're getting neighbours to serve warrants now? Or have they always done that? It seems rather ... odd. You could simply claim you never got it, for one thing.

"These are some handcuffs. Please attach them to the wrists of the bloke next door, thanks. Bye!"

Yeah, I was wondering that. I think I'd have told them to fuck off or wait till he comes back.

Mm, I don't think it was a warrent per se. It was more of a, "Hello, we came around to arrest you but you weren't in," card. The bloke came down for a chat this morning, and asked me if I was alright and was worried if I had been freaked out. He said it was for non-payment of fine, which sort of makes sense because recollection-brain shows a vision of the words 'HM Financial Services' or something printed on the card. "I just don't want you thinking I'm an axe murderer or something! Ha ha ha!" he said cheerily and remarkably non-sinisterly. Phew. I guess it's not major-major as he hasn't done a bunk, but still the words 'no bail' on the card 'immediate arrest' sounded a bit heavy.

Also, if it had been a non-financial criminal activity, I guess it would have been the police knocking instead of burly non-police official looking men.

At least he's the nicest and most considerate criminal I've lived with so far.

In summary: Colour me completely baffled.

Goodness, well. It sounds as if it's all non-serious and just a monetary thing, then - it's quite common, too, so I'd be inclined to not be fussed about it. HOWEVER:



I'm struggling to see how this could ever under any circumstances be anything other than sinister, no matter who said it. Even, say, my mum. In fact, it puts me in mind of DaveT's avatar with its frankly terrifying "I WILL NOT HARM YOU".

Run! Run!

I am quite fond of chatting people up by finding a way to use the phrase "I am probablynot a rapey murderer."

Ahhh.

The council really should hire Matrix "Mr Aaaaanderson..." types to do their door to door stuff. It'd be funny. Like those highly amusing cool-as-fuck Presidential bodyguards when Bill Clinton visited Warwick uni in the last months of his term. They let us take photos with them being movie-sinister and pretended to arrest us and everything. Happy, more innocent days. "See if you can spot the snipers. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised," said one. Genuinely.

You should have said "Pfft - see if you can spot our snipers".