Be Excellent To Each Other

Right, as we're moving to the country, there's a few things I need to prepare for, and one of them is critters.

Front lawn is moles, and we are near the banks of the Usk, so there'll be water rats, et al.

I've got two solutions, both of which will be fine, and one of which may well be a solution for the other. Firstly, I'm getting a nice big gun, so's I can shoot the moles and rats. And escaped paedos from the local open prison. Secondly, I fancy a cat or two, most specifically for the rats.

Now, I got a cat about a decade ago, Dave he was called, nice cat. He's either dead or with my ex's parents in Coventry nowadays. Seem to remember him and his brother cost us fourty quid from the cats found in bags in the river shop in Coventry, then there was an injection or something. How much is a cat today? How do I get a free one?

Also, I'm aware cats are basically fucked, genetically speaking, wiht cat lukemia being an almost certainty. I've no desire to spend a lot of money on vets bills for a cat, as they are basically feral things, this will be a farmhouse cat as it were. If it gets ill and is in pain, I'll happily pay for it to be put down, but I'm told you can get non-pedigree cats, or 'proper moggys' which won't just get all fucked up. What gives? We'll be there for a year and then may have to move to where cats are not allowed... how easy is it to re-home a cat these days? I don't want to have to use the gun on them.

Finally, there's cats next door, I've clocked them already, and I've no desire to have them on my land - how long does it take a cat or cats to establish themselves on your property if it is 'occupied territory'?

Man this post makes me angry. Probably angrier than any post ive seen on here.

I dont think I have the patience or energy however to explain why.
I hope for the cats sake that you never own one.

If you are planning to move after a year and dump the cat, you shouldn't be allowed to have a cat. There are enough cats that need a new home without people just buying one like some kind of disposable item of electronics.

Oh, grow up, it's a farm animal, not a pet.

Sigh.

Found some helpful information on another website, so the forum vegetarians can concern themselves with something else.

twat

Cats are easy - you don't own them, they own you.

Cross-breeds are best because they don't have the genetic weaknesses; we had two cross-breeds (got 'em from the free-ads for free!) and they were the longest lived cats I've ever known. The male made it to 18 and the female was 21 when she bought the farm. They can be expensive, and you should look after them with the appropriate vetinary fixings and shots, also good food and some tlc. As for re-housing, you don't really need to bother. Cats aren't like dogs as they're independent; they can fend for themselves and will soon impose themselves on the new owners or some other hapless wonder should you need to fuck off.

Oh right, Sorry.. I misunderstood!

If it's a farm animal then it's ok to do whatever you like with it. You'll probably be ok just leaving it out for the binmen when you're done with it so yes.. go ahead and get a cat.

With any luck it'll decide to live elsewhere.

I suggest you wind your neck in and stop making personal remarks against me when you aren't even willing to explain your attitude.

Unless your avatar is to "raise awareness" you have one warped sense of importance.

Thanks for the intelligent response, I'm currently looking to find the costings for basic humane medical stuff - the good food and TLC are already budgeted for. As far as re-housing goes I suspected as much, though my mother in law is almost certain to take in anything I'm not able to house due to future dickhead landlords being picky.

Don't feed the hippies...


...and certainly don't try to understand them.

Especially farm cats, which pretty much belong to the farm, not the farmer.

... and this is why everyone who actually gives a shit about their cat has to put it down seven years early because it's caught FIV off some stray. Thanks!

At least make some effort to be sure it'll be taken care of after you're gone. It's not difficult.

I don't know what the current prices are, but the usual things you need to get them are:

Fixed
Cat flu jabs
Treatment for abscesses when they've been out fighting (ours took on other cats, badgers, rabbits and even foxes - so the vet said, when he sewed up the tail on one which had almost been bitten clean off.)

Cats are great. Complete whores, but great.

Also, scout out the local vets if there are several. Like anything, they range from useless rip-off merchants to kindly excellent types who will waive charges at their discretion. Possibly not true, but older ones in my experience tend to be a bit more kindly like that, and a bit more aware of the robustness of most cats, so won't piss about with anaesthetic for minor abscess slashing, for example.

I suggest you wind your neck in and stop making personal remarks against me when you aren't even willing to explain your attitude.[/quote]



ok I take back the personal remark. I'm sorry.
I think youll find though that the content of your original post doesnt read well to people who keep cats or other small furries as pets.

Cool. Well, it has occurred to me reading up that I might already 'own' a few feral cats when I get there, looking at the geography of the village and the size of the fuckers I saw yesterday when wandering the grounds. I'll talk to the farm/church/neighbours/Chris Evans and find out what's what.

As someone who spent the first six months of his marriage sleeping downstairs from his missus or vice versa so our incontinent dog could have the back door open all night for when she needed a shit (not to mention the THOUSANDS she cost us in vets bills) I feel I'm qualified as an animal lover. I'm just not keen on unnaturally extending the lives of animals for my own emotional benefit, nor that of any hippie. I won't see one suffer unnecessarily either, though.

I've got to say I've never had to do that in 30 odd years of cat ownership (or my mum, who owned and breed cats for 55 years before she passed away). Heck, one of the blighters went on "walkabout" for about three months; I was convinced he'd been run over or something, but in he walked one fine morning meowing for all he was worth (perhaps telling of adventures, or just because he was happy to see us) and in absolutely rude health. I personally think he went and bludged off another family, but I'll never know

I'm not a hippy, tree hugger, veggie or any other insult you care to throw around with gay abandon. Your original post makes you come across as someone who frankly doesn't understand what is involved in taking on an animal that may live for 20 years. Just palm the poor animal off on whoever when you get bored of it or fuck off. Hey, here's an idea, why not just get it put down when you get bored or it, after all it's a consumable item that you can treat how you want.

I grew up with farm cats. The current cat came from a fruit farm and lives outside (this was his choice). He gets fed and does pop inside but soon complains he wants to be outside in the barns and doing whatever he gets up to. He still needs worming, feeding and enjoys attention. If he was ill we'd take him to the vets but at 15 years old he's going strong. When we got him we knew the score, he does his thing and keeps the barns rat free, in return we'll ensure he has what he needs.

When Mrs Chinny and I adopted our Burmese we visited a couple of cats homes beforehand. So many cats up for adoption because thoughtless idiots got bored of them. We're not talking having an owner who died (which is how we got our Burmese), we're talking people who just purchased an animal that could live for 20 years who got bored of it after a couple of years.

If you don't honestly think you could home a cat for the next 20 years you shouldn't bother. If you want something short term (like Mrs Chinny and I did) then you go and adopt an older cat. Our Burmese died just after Christmas, we'd had her for three years. That's three years in a loving home where she had a good time and was cared for. And that's more than many cats get when they end up at the Cats Protection because someone got bored of them.

I'm not a hippy, veggie or whatever. I'm not really a dog person or a cat person but it makes me furiously angry to think that people treat animals like just another consumable accessory to have around the house like a plasma TV or dishwasher.

Additional: If you adopt from Cats Protection they will pay all your vets bills. We didn't take them up on this but it is useful to know.

That said, CP will send a scary middle aged woman to your house to "vet" you beforehand and will refer to the cat as "your little boy/girl" [vomits].

Thanks Chinster, I've been trying to think of a way to articulate my thoughts, but that did it precisely. Except I am a veggie.

In other thoughts, personally I think that all homeless druggies should rounded up and experimented on. I'd much rather see a human suffer than an animal.

They re experimented on, more or less. But then you don't know much about homeless druggies, do you?

Treble 20!

I think this is exactly what he wants to avoid! It's difficult to tell on this site, what with the amount of friendly "cunting" that goes on, but I'm certain Gov. Yard originally posted 1) To find a solution to his impending pest problem that a) doesn't pollute the environment with poisons, b) was not intended to insult animal lovers and 2) To ask if anyone had any relevant experience.

Pick up the Yellow Pages and call a local friendly pest control man. There are loads out there who do local rounds. How do you think golf courses keep their greens nice? Or the posh hotels with large grounds?

It needn't cost an arm and a leg. They can even put down humane traps to catch the pests and then they can take them off and sell them for supermarket own brand meat pies let them run free somewhere.

Important to remember that actually cats don't always eat what they catch so you'll end up with dead stuff where you least expect it. The farm cat I talked about was quite capable of taking out a pigeon or two in his youth, but wasn't mad keen on eating them. And even with him around, you still needed poison down from time to time.

If you are in the country, you are going to have "pests", you just have to live with it. There's hundreds of rabbits around at the moment and I've seen (and heard) the pest control people on the adjoining golf course shooting them.

By introducing Myxomatosis and other poisons into the species?



Shift the problem elsewhere? What's the point?



Yes, and this is why you get cats. No matter how well fed they are, they'll always kill a small fluffy/feathery thing whether or not they need to eat it. Get two or more and they'll compete with eachother... just be aware that they'll often bring things home.



True, but pests only become pests when they are pests. Golfers are pests

Celtic Manor is a short bike ride away, it's the big international golf tournament thing next year

As for rabbits, there aren't going to be any more rabbits in Monmouthshire when I get my air rifle. If anyone local has got plums and a recipie for dumplings, PM me.

Dont think rabbits ride bikes. Why do you actually need cats though? I know you say for rats and shit but Im sure I read somewhere your only there for a year, so is it that much of a problem?.

I don't live there yet. Allegedly the local minks will do for most things, though of course they do find themselves on the list of things authorised persons (me) can annihilate with anything up to a 12 ft/lb rifled airgun without needing a licence.



Although I apparently have to weigh up whether or not any of the above are a pest before I liberate them from the shackles of mortality. Surely anything that gets in the way while I'm admiring my grounds through a viewfinder conveniently placed upon my rifle is a pest?

"It's coming right at us" etc...

Seriously though it was a quick decision to relocate and I need to size up various things once I've done so. The next four weeks will mainly be question asking, information gathering and hippie-baiting. The broadband there will be average at best so I intend to spend my time outside. Telescopes, guns, kites and mountain bikes are on the menu.

And cat torture, obv.

<fx: subscribes to thread>

Urgh, cat women. Still, perhaps she'll have an anuerysm when GovernmentYard shows her the shotgun he plans to blast its head off with at the slightest provocation.

Can we have a thread discussing what he should go for? Clearly it should be a Lee-Enfield .303 .

What's the best way to keep cats out of my garden, by the way?

Don't have a garden.

Well, you can't beat a good double barrelled shotgun to ensure complete head removal.

Or perhaps a Benelli M4 Super 90, rapidly fired, to reduce any evidence to a small red smear.

Mali: A Dragunov would work well, a single 7.62mm round should kill it instantly. Either that, or spray it with water. And I think you can get cat pellets. Unlike slug pellets, though, the cat doesn't turn inside out and die (unlike with the aforementioned gun methods, natch)

Agreed! Plus, anyone with long hair is a hippy.

Local cats have now learnt to leave shaprish as soon as they hear the upstairs bedroom window opening, but I've just read that cayenne papper is a good deterrent. It also threw up this lovely gem:



I'll try the pepper and see what happens. if that fails, I'll begin shitting on the owner's lawn.

It wouldn't work, as you couldn't really tell the providence of them, and they don't all come the same out of the box as lab animals do.

Fuck it, better idea. I'm going to adapt this, and stick them around the neighbourhood, thus inducing massive paranoia in cat owners.

Go go local knowledge! Best vets I've found around here is the one I use, Sanders Vetinary. They've been brilliant to me, including letting me leg it out the back door in floods of tears when they put my last dog down and not mentioning I hadn't paid for an entire month.

This. Well, apart from the hippie veggie bit obv.

However I'll assume GovernmentYard is going for the gung-ho wind-everyone-up tactic, for the benefit of the doubt.

And I think he is being realistic. Lots of people wouldn't give a second thought to buying a new pet to go with a new house, and then abandon it later on. I know people like that - normal people with professional jobs, nice houses and children.

If he gets one from a shelter or a local stray, pays to have it fixed and injected (probably looking at 100 quid all in, if it's not done already), then gives it a home for a year or more before moving and re-homes it, I don't see the major problem. Except for where the cat will pwn him by that point and he won't be able to.


Oh and don't go around shooting the local wildlife, this hobby tends to be the preserve of utter cunts. IMHO, Just saying.

I'd sooner see him taking pot shots at Tiger Woods during the Masters. As he said, he's really close to Celtic Manor.

Like, don't let them in, man. Dig?

Just drag the body onto your land, and say he was trying to break in. The police won't give a fuck, then.

He was after your pelts.

"nigga gone pimp"

Not only are water voles not a pest, they're somewhat in decline and also a protected species (I think). I doubt they'll be going anywhere near inhabited areas / gardens anyway though.

Also, unless you are an expert then you really shouldn't be attempting pest control with an air rifle as you'll likely just cause painful injuries rather than instant death.