Be Excellent To Each Other

Hi. Please help me here. As much as this may seem very trivial it is not to me. It is making me really ill and I am shaking as I type this.

As I have mentioned before I have a few people on the internet who don't like me. I tried my best to ignore them over the years but over time my temper would get the better of me and I would bite back and argue with them, usually losing my temper. I didn't do it with temper as I am not an angry person but it was literally out of dispair.

Earlier this year I decided that no matter how bad it got or how insulting they got on their forums and websites that I would not respond in any shape or form. That worked well for a while and it seemed to be dying down. I locked down my facebook and was pretty careful about whom I trusted as a 'friend' and instead of talking too much on forums took to facebook as it seemed OK on there. As I say, things seemed to be improving and the main instigator seemed to be getting the message after me ignoring him and everything he has been saying about me since May of 2009. I have not said a word to him infact I even went to the trouble of finding out his name so I could block any interaction with him or his friends on facebook. I have used different names on every forum I use and thought that over time it would subside and eventually fizzle out.

Sadly that isn't the case. On New Year's Eve the person at the head of all of this posted literally a 3000 word essay on how much he hates me and blames me for everything that has pretty much happened to an emulation scene. I ignored it (I didn't even read past the first line) and tried to carry on as normal.

Then I posted about that guy who is on the run from the police and has been taunting them on another forum (where I am very careful about what I say and when due to knowing he might be reading it. I kinda hoped he would just leave me alone but it seems not now). I then posted the link on facebook and 'became a fan' of this Craig bloke just so I could tell him what a low life I thought he was.

Running along side the 3000 word essay on how much this guy hates me are numerous other threads from him. In one of them he basically digs up stuff I said years ago from wherever he can and posts it on there, taking great care to point out all of the things he thinks about me.

They are, in no specific order.

*That I am a liar.
*That I am mentally ill. I have made this clear to any one I meet. Now he seems to want to spend time ridiculing me over it.
*That I am guilty of pretty much everything that could be possible in order to destroy an emulation project that I worked on with real personal friends.

And so on. The list just goes on and on and on.

And, as I said I have done my very very best to completely ignore all of this and I have done a great job of it since May. I have had no correspondance with him, not said a word, not PMed him, not even tried to reason with him. Yet it has still continued.

Tonight someone pointed out to me that he had access to my Facebook. Which, should be completely impossible. Sadly it seems he does. Because not only has he pointed out that I called this criminal on the run a knob head on another forum but he has also stated how I am now a 'fan' of this person I called a knob head.

Of course I am not a fan of criminals, but the only way to voice your opinion on the guy is to 'become a fan'.

Again, all pretty silly stuff. Apart from the fact that he has either managed to hack his way past the block I have on him. Or, gotten around my total lock down privacy settings or (and what I suspect) one of my 250 friends has been relaying information to him.

Of course, there is absolutely no way to know who could possibly doing this out of 250 friends so I have now had to deactivate my Facebook account. I have also had to send an email to Facebook explaining the situation because I feel like I am being forced from the internet. Well, that or have everything I say twisted around and used against me.

As some of you know due to my illness I don't usually attempt to maintain what people could consider real friendships. Basically if I have a manic episode in front of someone they would usually think I am a cunt, stupid or incredibly childish. So at my time of life people don't want much to do with me and I understand that.

Obviously it is and has been far easier to maintain 'online friendships' or whatever term you would use. People who don't know you completely or all of your personal habits or problems but you can shoot the shit with. This helps me a lot, this place is the best (as I said before).

But now I am at the point where it is making me ill. I am still shaking really hard and I just tried to explain what is going on to my mother and aunt but within about ten seconds I got over emotional and started screaming and yelling.

I know many people would say 'just ignore it' but I just find it impossible to ignore it when my full name and all of the information he can get his hands on me and plasters it all over a forum. In turn then when I google my full name the first thing it finds are all of the slurs and harassment and jibes made against me.

As a recent example. Now bear in mind that everyone I have ever met online (since I was diagnosed in 2003) or in person has been made fully aware that I have Bipolar disorder. I have never ever made a secret of it.

A year ago I was messing around with a friend of mine online and we got into a bit of a ding dong (nothing personal just got heated over opinions) and I said "Fuck me you cunt, you change your mind more than me.. What are you bipolar?"

Two days ago this person decided to dig up that quote, post it on another forum and then rip into me for being bipolar and having a fucking cheek to call someone else bipolar, even though it was a complete fucking joke and I know the person I said it to personally (phone numbers and all).

If you read this then thank you. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate that. I understand that it might all seem very silly but to me it isn't. I am going to contact the police on Monday and ask them to come to the house so I can show this stuff to them. Apparently there are laws in place to stop cyber stalking. I have spent the last two hours worried sick reading all of this information and this guy and a couple of his friends fall into literally every category.

Just so that people understand all of this (or any one asks me) here is the deal with me and him.

I met him through a fruit machine emulation scene. I didn't get along with him from day one. Over the next couple of years we exchanged words and some of them were heated and it was pretty much give and take. Then in March of 2008 he found my car on Ebay for sale and had a friend of his contact the person selling the car for me and obtained my phone number. At which point I got bogus calls about my car asking to view it and I gave that person the address the car was being kept at. Within ten minutes it was all over the internet.

At which point I asked this guy not to contact me, not to speak to me and so on. Since then it has just gotten worse, to the point that I had lost my rag a couple of times and told him to fuck off. But since May of this year when I again requested that he leave me the fuck alone I have not said a single word to him anywhere. Not directly or even indirectly. I have also had to stop speaking to people that I know speak to him because I knew that information may get relayed back to him.

So yeah, before you say it I have done everything in my power to stop this.

I haven't even read half of this yet, and you already have more than enough evidence to go the police, who will issue him with a caution. If he contacts you again, he is not only violating the police caution, but also liable to prosecution for harassment. I advise you to keep hold of copies of everything he has sent - letters, emails, texts, all of it. Take it to the police. Every word of that essay of his is a bullet in his own foot. Even if he had a legitimate grievance, you've been ignoring him for months, and it's clear it'd be best for him to drop it - he's harassing you for the sake of harassment, and has absolutely no defence. The fact that you've asked him to stop contacting you and he's refused only makes it worse for him.

Go to the police. The law states that all it takes for a harassment charge is for someone to behave in a manner that a reasonable person would consider harassment. He's very clearly done that.

Check your locks for glue.

Well yes. And not just once.

Here is the latest one. As I have said I have not said a word to him since May. Infact, it was Beex that has helped me to stay away from it all.

I have obviously removed a couple of links.

One of the real problems here is that he is baiting you , and probably knows he can get to you , so he'll keep doing it.

I have no idea what the police could / could not do but I would suggest caution and also not to think that getting them involved will magically 'fix' everything.

There are others on here who probably could advice better than I could , and you may want to wait until they are around

Seriously, go to the police. Make it monday if you want the weekend off. They'll know what to do, will advise you, and get it sorted with as little fuss as possible. The worst that can happen is that they'll tell you they can't help, but they won't do that. I grew up in a house that was basically a part time shelter for battered and/or divorcing women. Harassment is very common, and relatively recent legislation made it quite easy to put a case together, so the police ought to deal with it without any fuss.

Two outcomes could happen, really: He'll get a caution, and take the hint, and shut up and never mention you again. Or he'll get a caution and defy it, and then the police will shoot him seven or eight times in the head, just to be sure.

Sorry to hear about all this. Police sounds like it might be a good idea, and sorry I don't have anything more useful to contribute.

Apparently there are quite tight laws that have been introduced. There is actually a cyber stalking and harassment law now.

I know he's baiting me Mike, I know full well what he's up to mate. The problem is he will stop at nothing. I realised that a long time ago. It goes past the point where you're just fucking around on the internet and begins to get creepy.

Thing is as I said I have not had a single solitary correspondance with him since May last year. I told him then I was done arguing with him and asked him to leave me alone. I also made it clear that I was nothing to do with the emulation involved in his rants so it wasn't worth it.

I mean for fuck's sake it's some fucking emulation. Why the fuck would someone go to the lengths to (or even fucking worse get someone else to) find you on facebook and post defamation of character over something?

Seriously, it's gone on far too long now I have to do something.

It's because there have been no consequences so far. It takes a special kind of stupid to ignore a police caution.

Thing is and this is what I don't understand and totally fail to. Apparently he's a school teacher who teaches young children around the age of 5. He has two kids and a wife yet spends his entire life baiting stalking and harassing me .

It's not like he has nothing to lose really is it?

I could understand if it was some whacko with no life or fuck all, but it isn't. He also spends his time slagging me off over numerous messengers so I have had to stop using them because people kept coming to me telling tales. I now use one and talk to about three fucking people. Ones who have absolutely nothing to do with him or the emulation.

Problem is I was a bit less careful with Facebook and it could literally be 40 out of 250 friends. I can't basically delete all 40.. Well I could but then I would feel fucking bad for vanishing from 39 innocent ones

I have asked him over and over and over not to use my full name on the forums. Four out of five forums he posts to respected my wishes and put a filter in place so he cannot use my surname (pretty unusual). Thus that problem was gone. So what did he do? opened another fucking forum so he could. I have had to contact his host at least five times and ask them to remove my name as it ammounted to defamation of character, so he changed hosts to some dodgy cunt who just ignores me.

I still appreciate it Lewie. Seriously I have only just stopped shaking. I have chest pains and nearly had an all out anxiety attack earlier.

It seems the more I ignore him the more I make him angry. To the point where he has taken some things I said completely out of context and gone off on one thinking I was taking his bait.

I made a comment recently that someone who got a speeding ticket should slow down. At which point one of his cronies dug up a post I made on a car club forum in the USA about four years ago where I got stopped doing 90 odd in a 40 and got away with it. The reason I told the dude to slow down was because I got fucked a couple of months later and got 6 points for speeding. But of course to him it was just too tempting to try and discredit me.

And yes, he really is that pathetic. I know that and always have, but it's when he gets personal information about me that it gets too much.

Ahh, that'll be it, then. Control freak. Likes bullying/guilting people out. Not a catholic school is it, perchance?

Apparently about two years ago someone wrote a letter to the school he worked for. Apparently it was me and he had concrete proof. He even changed his online user name (like it would help).

Now I know for a fucking fact I did not do that. I have never tried to drop him in the shit or get him in trouble. The actions taken before hand were just pathetic idiots (me being one of them) arguing about stupid things online. I would never EVER try and take that into someone's life and fuck them. Ever. Which is why I kind of hoped he would have the same limits as me when it came to going too far and would just call it off.

Personally I feel that 'story' about me contacting his boss (again he had proof but never showed any) was merely just to gain support in his campaign of hatred toward me. And this has been going on for about five years now. It's gotten bad but I thought he would just move on and find something or someone else. Seems not.

Oddly SA I put that to him a few years ago. Then he accused me of saying that when his mother died I said horrid things about her. I asked him for proof, none arrived. I even found the thread where I offered my condolences. As I say, I find it utterly impossible to hate any one I have never met or wish them any harm.

EDIT. BTW I'm not alone in my feelings. Countless people have tried to tell him that he's obsessed with me and should pack it in. He just tells them to fuck off and then slags them off for a brief moment before returning to me.

Infact, one of my friends (I don't want to mention his name, and I don't want him to come forward as he posts here) even deliberately spent his time taking this person on in an attempt to make him hate him instead. It didn't work. All that happened was he then slagged me off more for apparently licking someone's arse.

Okay, now I'm just going to keep sending you PMs telling you to contact the police, until we both get a caution. This man needs consequences, because consideration and reason clearly aren't working. Get the authority on him asap, because that's not just 'online tosser' behaviour - that's stalkerish, genuinely harmful pathological behaviour he's displaying.

I've sent you a pm containing some of his recent 'work'.

A 3000 word essay on how he hates me and everyone I know. 3000 may be wrong of course, but take a look over it and you can clearly see how much time he has to devote to hating me.

I'll also send another one now. Another demonstration of his hate campaign and baiting. This one contains references to my mental illness and friend who tried to attract his attentions.

Hm. If it's all confined to this one forum, to be honest, you may as well stick up a post summarising how childish and stalkerish he's being and that you're not interested in his bullshit. He's put up your name online, but trust me, that really doesn't matter. Nobody will really care either way, and anyone who does will see how pathetic he's being. You're surely not alone in thinking he's being a cock, and it never hurts to simply say publically that you want nothing to do with this, and to stop banging the drum, because it's pointless hatemongering doing nobody any good, and ruining the forum for everyone else.

Basically, call a ceasefire (for the sake of shutting him up, it's worth letting him have the sad satisfaction of taking this as an admission of equal culpability - anyone with an iota of sense will see that you're doing no such thing, and everyone else isn't worth bothering with). Tell him to stop blathering on about you all over the internet, and put you on ignore or whatever. In return, you'll not mention any of it either, and agree to politely ignore each other from now on. Even if people weren't already on your side, they will lean towards it after that.

Optionally, publically ask him to also not PM people about all this, and agree to do the same, and for anyone who gets PMs from either of you after this to alert the forum. For every member who loves the drama, there will be ten who just want everyone to shut up and take it off the boards (this is why I've yet to reveal what went on with me and whatsherface over the last few months, incidentally - she's been logging in here every other day just to check up on me, just waiting for the excuse to stir up more of the drama she feeds off, and I'm not going to subject you all to that). The latter are usually quiet, but if stirred to action will stand up for whoever is being less of an annoying dick on the forum.

In the meantime, keep copies of everything he says. If you're lucky, he'll switch to PM harassment instead. Then you've got him specifically attacking you after you've called a ceasefire, and you can save it all and show it to the police, perhaps whistling. Tell them you're concerned that he's trying to find out where you live or something if you like - like many laws, the mere fact that yuo feel threatened is grounds for action. Fortunately, harassment et al are criminal, not civil offences, so the onus is on the filth to sort it out, not on you.

I've called a ceasefire with him several times. Infact, he was even made a moderator of a forum by it's only admin in an attempt to stop him. Basically the admin felt that if he was a moderator he would finally stop attacking me. It didnt work. The peace lasted for a couple of months before he began poking at me again. In the end not only was he demodded but he was also banned from that forum. In that instance it was finally made clear to any one who didn't understand the situation and thus said I was as bad as he was that I could indeed cohabit with him on the same forum. As I say, in the end he must have gotten bored or just could not resist the temptation and posted a sly remark about where I was living.

When I lost my rag with him again last May I made it clear at the end of the arguing that I wanted nothing to do with him and I wasn't OK with his continual attacks both personal and over stupid shit.

Others have tried everything to stop him aswell, and that is why all of his shit is on his forum on a server with hosts who refuse to reply to my complaints. I have had his forum physically deleted by two hosts before this one as he refused to remove defamation of character toward me. To the point where he even posted an email the host sent him on the site asking him to remove the post.

I don't mean to be a dick, but if the mods and admin are crap, why are you on the boards at all? I mean, if someone were being a dick here, they'd likely get kicked off. If they then went on somewhere else whinging... well, let them. Tossers are always going to find some hole to lurk in. Just avoid the holes and let them get on with it - nobody worth knowing will listen to them anyway. People will lie about you - it's what liars and scumbags do. Sad, but true.

Just be glad they're not lying to people who actually matter.

Ah it seems you missed something. I am not a member of that forum I sent the links to and never was. There is no point, if I dared to join and they knew it was me they would ban me. He has made this clear. It's his soap box and he uses it as a method to attack me. So surely it wouldn't be in his interests to let me join and disagree with him?

Remember. Own forum where person cannot defend themselves = full control. It's known he is a control freak and a bully. That's why he was made a mod on another forum (not the one in the links I sent) in the hope that it would shut him up if he had something there I didnt. That didnt work so he was demodded and banned and he went back to his forum and wound up the heat.

As I have said it's not really what they say about me. It's knowing they follow my every move and do everything they can to find out personal information about me. If they didn't use my personal details I wouldn't give a shit. But it's just scary to know that they can access things I specifically don't want them to and hoped they wouldn't even bother to try and get to.

So do you think I should join on that forum and make a post? Basically saying that I would like them to pack it up as I feel harassed and could be forced to do something about it? etc?

I'm really not trying to be a dick here either, but if some arsehole on the internet is calling you names, is it really that difficult to ignore them? I haven't read all of the OP because I'm about to bugger off to bed, but if he's not ringing your phone, knocking on your door or sending you letters, it's not exactly difficult to remove someone from your internet "life". Especially if they're causing you so much grief.

Are these forums he's posting on really that important to you? Just don't post there anymore. Or am I missing something?

edit: And as for Facebook, start a new account and only add a select bunch of people who you actually talk to/trust. I have 300 and odd friends and I talk to about fifty of them ever, and about 10 of them regularly. Surely most people are the same? Start a new one, ignore the cunt!

Also, don't post anything publicly, just quietly give the local Bobbies a ring and explain the situation, possibly giving some evidence of the harassment. Let them deal with it and ignore him from then on.

Well, just stay clear of it, man.



NO. That's just giving them what they want. Stop reading it, stop reacting to it, just fucking ignore them and they'll find someone else to pick on.

Move on mate, it's a new year, life's too short.
_{[apols if I'm being oversimplistic here, but it's late]}

It's not like that. I can ignore him and have proven that not only to myself but everyone else who said I was as bad as he is. It's kind of hard to really express in words how you feel about something.

If someone was calling your house and saying things you didn't like should you disconnect the phone and change numbers? Would that even work?

I feel the same way about my facebook account. It's personal and it's private. I specifically made sure I blocked him so that he could not access it. So, he has gone out of his way to find someone who would or managed to bypass the security. And trust me, to me that feels just as worrying as someone calling me and saying things to me down the phone.

I have had to stop posting on forums he knows I post on. And now I have had to stop using facebook. Why? because everything I say gets twisted around and posted on his forum with a ton weight of nasty shit aimed at me.

Kalmar. I would love to ignore it and I would love it if I could just have a laugh on facebook etc. Sadly my family are on there and I don't want them getting info about my family. So I have had to close it. Which is really fucking upsetting to me at least.

So as silly as it sounds to you it isn't to me. Honestly, it's really upsetting me. I feel like I can't even fucking breathe without him finding out about it and using it against me.

Being mentally ill I don't have much of a life as it is. Again, to you that probably won't make sense. I do have friends and family off the internet of course, but the internet is a very valid outlet to me and a way to express myself without people seeing me. It's really hard to explain as I say, and even harder to express how I really feel.

So yeah, maybe in a way I am a bit of a saddo. But does that mean I deserve to be hounded away from something I enjoy and stop talking to people through fear of suffering the reprisals?

All I have done in the past is call him a cunt a few times and disagree over some stupid dumb shit that seemed important to me then. I have never EVER used his full name and have constantly asked over and over again for him not to use mine. And then I found out that he would deliberately step over the line and lose control.

I would say put yourself in my situation. But TBH I'm not a fucking idiot and I know you cannot possibly even do that. It would be impossible for me to explain to you how it feels to be bipolar also because your brain does not work like mine and you do not see the world through my eyes. So what might seem trivial to me for example could be a big deal to someone else.

This is a big deal to me. He's bullied and harassed me for years. I tried at first to argue with him. Then reason with him, then ignore him. Everything I was told to do when I was being bullied at school. And fuck all has changed anything. Infact the tactics I was told to use at school work just aswell on him as they did at school and that's why I walked out of school aged 14 and never returned.

So I have had my education and any exam results robbed from me because I was small at school and suffered growth problems. Nothing was done, and in the end I had to leave school just to end the torment. And because of that I have no qualifications and it's fucked me for life. The last thing I fucking need is that all over again.

When it comes to this sort of stuff I cannot defend myself. I can do really well for a while and then I will have a manic/depression switch and I will lose it and just yell obscenities at him. I cannot even begin to explain how hard it has been to ignore him. I really, truly can not. Especially when it makes me a fucking nervous wreck to see him constantly goad me and spit venom at me when I have asked him over and over to just leave me the fuck alone.

He knows full well I suffer with bipolar. I have made that REALLY clear to him. Infact, so clear that he recently posted a slur about me because I was bipolar.

Does that mean it's OK for me to call someone with Aspergers, say, a spastic because it's on the net? It would still hurt the same way. Infact it's worse in words because it remains there.

BTW. This is something I have always wondered.

When you are being bullied if someone says "Just ignore it" does that then turn off you ability to hear what they say or see what they do? and then in turn switch off the feelings of hurt and emotion?

TBH I know it doesn't. When my dad died I was continually made fun of at school and called a bastard. Know how easy that is to ignore? It's fucking impossible. My ears still worked and I could still fucking hear it.

It doesn't sound silly John, I can tell you're really upset about it, but I think you need to take a step back to limit the damage this is doing to you.

I'm not saying you should do nothing if you're being bullied either, but you can block people on facebook, and you can choose not to visit forums he owns or mods.

If you really feel it's stalking, that's different, but you need to pursue it calmly and again, not let it get to you.


And by the way - I've had someone pick on me and say some pretty horrible things about me on a mailing list when I was young. It made me very upset and angry at the time, so I can sympathise a little with how you feel.

Exactly ^

We're talking about forums here, not little arseholes saying stuff to you at school. Stop visiting the forums and shop the twat to the police.

By the way, that's a good parallel. Do you know what the "official" advice is if you're being harassed over the phone? It's to put the phone down off the hook, don't listen and wait for them to get bored. Changing your number and having it made ex-directory is usually the permanent fix and this is what BT / the police will advise if you have that problem.

Once they can no longer see/hear you being provoked, it's usually over, so I believe.

Anyway, take it easy fella.

Well I would like to thank SA for his advice. I have now posted to a forum that I know these people read requesting that they stop.

I've also saved numerous MHT files and will continue to do so. Hopefully this will put an end to it.

Thanks everyone I really appreciate you taking the time to listen to me.

Sounds pretty rough JC. It's certainly not fun to have someone making stuff up about you, as I recently found out. However:



Wow. If this individual can think of nothing else to do on New Year's Eve other than post a long winded, vitriolic, rant about you I can't even begin to imagine how empty his/her life must be. I'd almost be driven to pity for him/her, if he/she didn't sound as if they thoroughly deserved to be alone with their spite.