Be Excellent To Each Other

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? Fuck that. I've been having flashbacks all evening to stuff that happened when I was there in June and laughing like a loon, so I want to know all your stories. You can pretend they happened to a friend if you like.

I'll start with a relatively tame one, but it cracked us all up at the time... in the Mirage poker room where my poker forum gang had persuaded them to spread a HORSE game* just for us, which they were more than happy to do. Anyway, turns out one of our gang had just been playing a sit'n'go tournament with the owner of the LA Lakers basketball team, and had mentioned to him that we were about to play HORSE... Jerry Buss, Lakers own and billionaire, says "I love HORSE, I don't care what stakes, can I play?" So we have a new addition to our table when a guy called Shabba turns up late with his two girls in tow (neither of them his wife incidentally)... they haven't met us before, they have been locked in his hotel room pretty much bankrupting him by abusing room service, so he does a round of introductions, which goes along the lines of "ok, so this is Shifty, this is Albino, this is Santi, this is the owner of the Lakers..." at which points everyone guffaws so loud heads turn from all other tables. I swear Jerry Buss almost spits his false teeth out laughing.

Ok, so that was fairly tame, but still, good times. Your turn.

* HORSE is a poker game made up of multiple rounds... you play one orbit of (limit) Hold'em, one of (pot limit) Omaha, one of Razz, one of Stud hi, and one of stud Eights or better (the acronym comes from the capital letters in that list) then repeat. Considered the toughest and most challenging poker game because it needs the mastery of so many different games; we wanted to play it because we were drunk and wanted to see who would get confused most often about which game we were playing

...I got nothin'. I went there when I was about 15, with my parents.

I have more, and better ones... bongs and Bette Midler look-a-likes to follow when I'm not at work

So you sat at a table in Las Vegas and introduced yourselves to other people...

Then what happened?

I gave my money to other people under the guise of playing cards. I also called a misdeal when the dealer turned one of my cards face-up, forgetting that we were playing Razz and everyone has to have one of their cards face-up. Fortunately someone else had already got confused in an earlier Stud Eights round by thinking they were still playing Stud Hi and forgetting that the best low hand now won half the pot.

Oh the lolz!

Tell us the bit where you got bummed on stage by a Tiger.

That wasn't in Vegas, that was at a Kellogg's promotion in Manchester 23 years ago.

...Dad?

I had an inkling you were a Furry.

He looks the sort to be into scritching.

Aha ha aha ha ha aha ha ha hah ah aha ha.....

I don't get it.

Are we talking about me or Malabar now?

There was this one time I was having a drink with my friend and a guy had left his pen on the bar top so I asked this guy whether it was his pen or not but he got really angry at me for asking about the pen because he was talking to a lady then my friend just jumped at him and stabbed him in the face neck and shoulders with the pen over and over again for ages. Then we buried him in the desert.

Aha ha aha ha ha aha ha ha hah ah aha ha.....

I don't get it.

Then there was this time when I was staying in a hotel room with my friend but he'd brought a young manly looking woman to the place and she was feral and shit on LSD with all these pictures of Barbara Streisand with her and then I told my friend that he'd be convicted of paedophillic rape if we didn't get rid of her so we made up this story how I had to go and talk to some guys and we took her to another hotel and left her there and then went back but she'd phoned our hotel up so we phoned her back and pretended to have a violent mugging on the phone and shit then 6 hairy tits swoled up on my friend's back.

Once when I lived in Las Vegas I lost my money on roulette so I got a job in a strip joint playing Blue Grass though a flute up my arse for pretzels.

And that's how he became the Champion of Cyrodiil.

What happens in Area 52, stays in Area 52.

This one time when I was in Vegas a handsome billionaire offered me a million bucks for a night with my wife. We needed the money for a real estate project so we agreed. Our relationship suffered and I became increasingly insecure. We separated and nearly divorced, but it all turned out OK in the end.

I've never met Malibu...

February. Ice cream.

I guess you had to be there, Alberto.

I don't remember much of what happened in Vegas, to be fair.

Well, this thread turned out to be non-stop wall-to-wall crazy. How very worthwhile, and not at all a waste of precious electrons.

239040394 promised "better ones".

He'd better hurry up, we're reaching the point of no return. I'll try to help:

Ange fell through a sign on the night of Curio's wedding. I turned $25 into $100 on a blackjack table while sitting next to a male porn star. Riles subbed me the $25 and I refused to give it back to him, apparently.

I don't remember much of it.

A fag machine and a sign.

She leant against the fag machine to keep herself stood up, at the exact same time Riles put some money into it. Of course, she managed to pull the plug out for a split-second, and he managed to get neither tobacco product nor his money back.

Then she fell through a sign.

Riles's story was a little more elaborate, and had the fag machine sailing across the floor of the casino. It was better than your version.

Knowing Riles, it was probably also a bit more embellished.

The shootout was possibly an addition.

Then what happened?

Myps played stud with a porn star called 'fag machine'.

And theeen?

myp left my wedding early as he was hammered and had fallen asleep twice.

I went downstairs several hours later to find him wandering around the slot machines, thoroughly lost.

"The Twat Pack"

Naked, wrapped in a blanket and singing?

you forgot to mention that before I was too drunk to see, I was a demon on the pool table and won every game.

I don't even remember seeing you at the slots, I just remember Ange and then Riles calling me to find out where I was; all I could proffer was 'outside'. It's a wonder I managed to find it back to the taxi rank.

I want to hear the less plausible version.

That's better... really this thread was just a vehicle to get myp, curio and riles going

In my defence, I saved electrons by not typing in bold.

Vegas does appear to be the Great Yarmouth of the US.

It's not that good.

No coast or river?

Malc

Ooh, Malc has posted in the Vegas thread, this is sure to be a good story!

*clicks*

Ah well.

Yeah, it's more like the Blackpool of the USA isn't it.

Blackpool doesn't have a coast or a river?

Malc