Be Excellent To Each Other

My ex wife found herself a new boyfriend. Not sure when, but I've slowly seen other people comment on it (via myspace).

His name was 'Dexter'. I shouldn't laugh at his name.. But it is kinda funny. Especially when people refer to him as 'Dex' (come on, it is cheesy).

Well Myspace has this new trick lately. It says "some people you may know" and lists profiles of people who are friends of your friends so to speak.

I noticed my ex wife (and about 4 other ex birds lol) in a pic with this 'Dex' bloke. TBH it doesn't bother me that she's moved on. I mean, heck, if I knew that someone else could make her happy I'd be all for it (which is what I told her when she buggered off.... "If you think I'm such a piece of shit and as bad as you say I am then surely finding someone else not like me will be good yes?").

It was kind of a funny break up. We had a row one day (that she had been setting me up for) and she just left. I sort of saw it coming and in a way I was relieved. It hurt like hell and I didn't eat properly and ended up in hospital but hey, break ups suck.. I knew this..

What made it stranger was my way of dealing with pain. I just block it out completely and forget it. I've done that my whole life.

So of course, after about 3-4 weeks of beating myself up emotionally and not eating I woke up one day and said "fuck it" and within a week I had another bird. That didn't work out so I moved onto another one, got engaged ETC.

All the time this was happening my ex wife was emailing me, saying she had written poems about us etc. But tbh I just didn't care. It was over, there was nothing more to say and so I just ignored her. Which seemed to make her worse? I still to this day cannot figure out why someone would leave me, tell me they never want to get back with me and then try and make me suffer? Surely if you're the one to break it off you do so because YOU want to move on? Not try and then make the person suffer more than you have already made them?

Her emails got progressively more spiteful and nasty, and still I continued to ignore her. She cancelled my medical plan (illegally, in NJ if you are married and have benefits you *must* provide them for your spouse, and besides she had signed an afadavit of support for me) cancelled my cheap joint car insurance and even set me up for a policy I did not want or ask for (Id already moved state and set up another one just to get away from her and my now ex fiancee) and still the spite continued.

In the end her father hired a private detective to follow me home from a friend's house (close to where he lived, he must've seen my car) and I had the state trooper turn up at my temporary residence to serve me a divorce warrant.

Instead of following it through I just fucked off back to the UK.

Ok so fast forward to around xmas time. I see that she's met this dude.. Didn't care (honestly) because any time I try to think about my marriage it gets too painful and I just say "dont fucking think about it" to myself. That's how I have dealt with it by moving forward and not looking back.

Then today I saw that my ex's step mother has changed her title thing to "Dex who?" and realised that he's dumped her.

Which I find completely fucking hilarious. That didn't last long then.. I've thought about it, and I don't know why I find it so funny.. Maybe because I asked her to get help with her passive/aggressive disorder and she just said "fuck you there's nothing wrong with me IT'S ALL YOU AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT".

I suppose then it's irony.

Summary?

Bitter much??

JC says he's over his exwife, but checks her myspace regularly, and reads the poems she sent him, and she doesn't have a boyfriend anymore.

i dunno, but i enjoy reading these stories about beexer's personal lives. And now we know why John Coffey left the US and A.

Slightly Deranged.

-edit- Sorry, wrong thread.

But would not give her a divorce!

And he definitely wasn't stalking her, so the private detective was a big waste of money.

Brace for incoming long post of self-justification to the soundtrack of "I Am What I Am".

It's not funny. Not by a long shot.




[weeps in memory of the old days when we are all friends and we had a forum cat.]

A Family Man?

Nice. (Unless I'm giving you too much credit here)

Not this time.

Isn't Dexter that cool Serial Killer?

I thought you said in another thread that you'd never contemplate getting married again, as you thought the first time was supposed to be the only time?

Malc

I think it was probably more to do with the Hyandai Coupe, the wolf tshirts, the hair and the not spending more per hour than one earns.

John lived in America?

I don't really understand the question.

This forum really is turning into Dear Deirdre. So I propose the following, a new thread called "Dear Chinny". You can send me all your personal problems and I'll put them online for everyone to laugh at people to post their solutions.

I'll also be offering my own solutions, natch, which will mainly consist of phrases such as "fucking belt up" and "stop being a pathetic cunt".

Please note that Dear Chinny is slightly different from experiments on previous forums as I won't wish anyone dead in a chemical fire or slag off your first born.

--
Chinnyhill - Doctor of Mentalism - Dip CuNT (2.2)

Okay, so I ummed and ahhed about saying this...

But you are putting personal things up on the internet in a forum so that relative strangers can comment on them, so I guess you are ok if people do comment on them. I mean, we're cool, and we all try to be nice, and I really don't want to upset you or cause offence, because I'm just some stranger on the internet who hasn't seen the whole picture. And you shouldn't really listen to random strangers on the internet who don't know the whole picture.

But you've also mentioned this a few times, and as some stranger on the internet who hasn't seen the whole picture... I really think you should give your wife the divorce man.

Not really for her, but for you.

Sorry. I'm only trying to help and I know I'm sticking my nose where it doesn't belong.

If Dexter was Canadian I'd find it amooseing.

"Yes Siralan"

That's "Suralun". And don't fucking speak unless I command it.

I like to think that Siralan made the 1980s version of skynet, and Chinny was the John conner.

But the endless time travelling battle ended with them making out. And now Chinny is his own dad.

With no Judgement Day coming since the failure of the Amstrad Emailer Plus Network to gain sentience Chinny spends his days looking back fondly on the future that could have been.

If there was a cat involved I'd find the story very amewsing.

I didn't give her a divorce because I was sick and tired of her getting her own way.

As for checking her myspace? I can't, it's private. Any one who uses it will know that.

A. it now tells you all about people you can add who are added to friends you have.

B. Your friends can change their title line in a flash now (mood or whatever).

So unless I delete myspace completely and lose about 60 real good friends who I don't communicate with in any other way I'm going to see this stuff whether I like it or not.

I suppose I am yes ! It just took a lot longer than I thought it would.

I suppose that's the price you pay for trying to forget and just go forward, eventually it comes back to bite you on the ass.

I really don't get this statement. Why do you still want to be married to her?

I guess that not granting the divorce looks to most people like a bad way to forget and just go forward.

i know its not the time or place, but i've been wandering for some time.

Who is you avatar JC?

I don't. However, when I sat down and thought about it I felt like a piece of used trash tossed in the bin. So, I didn't want to make it any easier for her than it already was.

All she had to do was load up the car and drive 4 miles to her mother's. I had to take care of clearing out the apartment, getting shit sorted out, pay the rent. ETC ETC.

I don't want to marry again, and I mean that. I just thought it would slow her from ruining some other cunt's life.

Mike Ness. Lead singer of Social Distortion.

Californian punk band.

Didn't help Red Dwarf at the weekend.

I guess that relationships are incredibly complex and sometimes things are not what they seem.

I also guess that it's easy to pass comment on such things. Who knows?

And you'll never find a nessie in the zoo !

so many times i sang their songs on RB and GH and i had no idea

I nominate this for "Not Quite Post Of The Week But Certainly Worth a Chuckle'.

Oh, there was I thinking it was an impotent act of passive aggression.

To be fair, creating a topic about it on an internet forum and literally inviting comment does sort of.. well.. invite comment.

Nope. More of trying to show a blind person the light.

I'm not judging chap - it's an observation.

Of course it does That's fine tbh.

I guess the upshot is that yes, I am behaving bitterly and there was a massive delay before it finally came.

Maybe this is the first time I have been able to spare the time to sit down and think about it all, instead of being under the gun?

I don't know tbh. However, it is helping to talk about it

True, but it does sound very much as though you'd both be better off cutting your losses.

Even assuming you're genuinely concerned about other chaps she meets, it's still not a very strong reason to stay married to her...

Cool!
I do think the advice about the divorce is, however bluntly put, probably for the best really.

Oh absolutely. Maybe talking about it and getting some feedback will actually help me to deal with it?

I do know that when I met my wife (even though pretty much everyone tried to warn me off) I thought I had found that one person. And to that ends I busted my back in two to give her everything I could.

Then I found out that there was nothing I could do. She was a mess in the head. It's kinda hard to just walk away and forget it when you've been with someone for ten years and married to them for six of them.

Me? I'm stupid enough to have stuck around forever getting shit on. Hence the 'relieved' part when she finally left.

Get a haircut, have a shave, get a couple of nice button up shirts from MandS and a smart pair of shoes and hit the town with some friends. You never know what might turn up, and looking good is 99% of the battle.

i'm sure she has big breasts. That's the only way you could have ignored all the negative feedback

yes, my english friends said that being a man alone is 99% of the battle (in London).

In the end of course. I suppose it's hard without all of the facts and shit involved.. Basically I spent ten years fathering her and trying to help her. I gave up my home, friends, family, life, job, career. All of it. Just to be there for her. Seriously, I'm not saying this in bitterness she was a fucking car wreck. Her parents were abusive (not physically, her brother did that, beat the shit out of her) but mentally.. Her mother would say shit like "I didn't even want you that was your father's idea to keep the marriage going and look where that got us" and so on. I know how impossible it is to understand all of this without being in it.

She never learned a fucking thing though. Ever. Carried on walking into abuse and spite and just point blank refused to do anything positive.

And that's why I didn't want to give her an easy, straight away "Americana" type divorce. All I wanted her to do was take some time to sit down and realise that marrying me was a big fucking mistake (because she never really wanted me) and learn a lesson from it.

Not spoil her AGAIN and give her what she wanted exactly when she wanted it.

And from the look of it she's not learned a fucking thing. No doubt within a couple of months she has shown 'Dex' what kind of a person she is and he's ran like fuck.