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I loved Manhunt.
Seriously, it was thick with atmosphere, the story was edgy, and, most of all, those little polgon men really kicked the shit out of each other. Yummy gore.
So, I was more than happy to part with my cash this Friday to play more of the same from those lovely chaps at Rockstar. Cor, they do some good games don't they? And perhaps just a tiny wee bit because of the controversy.
I'd plucked for the wii version to see if I really could virtually stab someone in the testicles (or whatever) (or where ever).
Here's what happens in the first hour of play:
Booting it up, I'm asked if I want to have a go on the tutorial. Why not, aye? It's been a while since I played the PS2 original and with the wii lacking a second analog stick, I better get accustomed to the new control set. So what a surprise to be confronted with a black screen and a large box in the top-left showing a wii control with an arrow pointing down followed by a load of text asking me to move the wii remote downward. Which I do.
*Squishy noise*
*screen splashes unconvincingly with a dark red blood splatter*
... and the box reappears asking me to move the wii remote down again. Which I do. Four times. Finally, another box appears asking me to move the remote into the screen this time. Another four times. Then to move the wii remote left. Four times.
This goes on for ages. I'm not kidding, ab-so-lute-ly a-g-e-s. In fact there is no end in sight. I'm doing it for a good two minutes convinced that the tutorial is going to start but eventually have to quit and get this show on the road.
Finally, I get the game started and I'm quite looking forward to it. I've read the manual beforehand AS I'M SURE EVERYONE DOES WHEN THEY START A GAME and the opening sounds great. "You wake up with your hands around a nurses neck squeezing the life out of her; a needle flopping around in a freshly punctured vein. Your mind is awash with confusion and medication". The cut scene which depicts this is, however, sadly lacking. There's no foreshadowing of this event. You just come straight-in on your character strangling a boxy faced nurse. He must be a right cunt then.
Movement is difficult with the wiimote. Without the second analog stick, you can't spin the camera without spinning your character around on the spot. This means that to look around a corner you've got to hug the wall. You press up on the D-pad to hug the wall and it seems unnecessarily fiddly to do on the fly as your character has to be in exactly the right position.
Onto the good stuff, the lock-on is the same as Manhunt and executions take place in the same fashion. The same brilliant risk/reward(?) mechanic remains. Get in quickly and a swift kill can be performed, stay long enough without being seen and an extravagent murder is performed. Whilst the PS2 requires you to just hold a button longer for the nasty stuff, the wii version wants you perform a different movement. So, once you're close enough, the large atmosphere destroying box from the tutorial (oh, that's what all that shit was about) appears again informing you of the movement required to execute the kill move. So you perform the move anticipating some grisly murder to be performed and ...
The screen goes wobbly. Very wobbly. The colour is sucked out so that it's awash with black and red. You have an idea what's happening but no way of knowing because the effect is so pronounced. The wii version still wants you to perform the kill with movements but the wobbly effect isn't just confined to the blocky murder being performed (that may warp our tiny little minds, Daily Mail readers) but also affects the box which is telling you the movement to make with the remote. FFS. So you can't make out what's going on, on the screen, but also you can't see what move you are being told to make. If you fail to perform the move, you fail to do the execution and you get spotted. And you will fail. Simply cause you have no idea what the fuck you are supposed to be doing.
Ridiculous.
It's so shit that even the first 20 seconds of the game arebugged. You pick up a needle. A needle you can only use once. You move around a corner and a guard blocks your path. Thankfully he's facing away and no matter how noisy you are he'll never turn round. Easy pickings. The first time, I walk up and use the needle. The screen goes wobbly. Pauses. I notice something in a box going wobbly in the corner. Nothings happening. And then I'm back in the game and the guard falls over and gets back up and turns around. I've wasted the only needle and there is no where else to go. I have to restart the level. Twats.
And that first 20 seconds before your first kill? Someone spits on you. Someone pisses on you. And a fat man with no clothes on throws shit on you. YES, HIS OWN SHIT. None of which is rendered invisible by the wibbly-wobbly effect. No, it's all shown. You walk around a corner and a chair flys out of an open cell. You peer around the cell and watch a man hang himself. No wibbly wobbly effect at all.
So it's just the executions that have been censored. Censored to such effect that they might as well not be there at all. In fact, the executions render the game unplayable.
It's also strange that the wibbly wobbly effect lasts for a few seconds after the execution has taken place. There is no good reason why. It just disorientates you massively. You may come out of the shadows for a kill, and want to get back in the shadows quickly afterwards, but it takes a few seconds to figure out where you are. It's just stupid. You get spotted.
The whole thing is just stupid. Stupid.
I don't think I've ever bought a game and got rid of it after only playing for an hour, christ, I even completed Red Ninja, but I'm trading this in tomorrow. Surely they could have just got rid of the executions altogether or, even better, release it in its original form. As it stands its unplayable thanks to the way in which the executions have been edited.
And one last thing: Manhunt 2 has a plastic bag as a weapon - a weapon already seen in Manhunt. In Manhunt 2 when you perform an execution with a plastic bag the screen goes wibbly wobbly. In Manhunt, it doesn't.
Manhunt is still available to buy. In the shops. Right this very minute.
Ridiculous.
Censors: Fuck off. You cunts.
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