Be Excellent To Each Other

For the last month now, I've had a Davydd Grimm living with me!

In fact, specifically, D. Grimm and I are living together as An Gay Couple. I even have papers to prove this and everything.

What's the stupidest/weirdest house-mate that YOU have ever had?

Erm, what? Me? I don't mean to alarm you, but I'm staying at my sister's in Cumbria atm...

whos at CUS's house then?

Dunno, mate, but it isn't me.

"Sleeping With The Enemy"

An Arsenal supporter?



[Shudders]

Oooh, CUS is Dyfffyd's sister?

so...who has CUS been living with then if it wasnt the real Davydd Grimm?

That's what I'd really like to know I didn't see him last night or this morning. Erm, wish me luck tonight, I've got a horrible feeling that I've been an awful mistake.

What a great Freudian slip.

Joking aside though, what exactly is going on?!?

Myoptika's moved in pretending to be D. Grimm?

This isn't funny.

Why myoptika?

Actually, if this is all true, I think you'll find (well, not you, obviously, because if it's true it would be quite understandably terrifying for you. But "one" will, at least) that it's the funniest thing that's ever happened ever anywhere ever.

And why *not* myoptika, eh? I've heard he's clean, and smells comparatively pleasant. The two prerequisites for any flatmate. Well, them and not being an axe-wielding maniac or a gay rapist, but the smell thing comes first.

I'm slightly worried you consider this the most likely occurrence.

He's won the rights to stop people making films about him, that penis-eating cannibal German chap. So can make a film himself. Entirely unrelatedly, like.

Saying you will move in with someone off the internet and then actually sending a mate of yours instead as an imposter would be an ace, if somewhat elaborate, practical joke,

@CG: GARY!

So what's going on CUS?

Did you leave your winky recipe book out on the coffee table, or just fall asleep in Davyds bed wearing his thong?

Still not funny, dick.

It would be, and it'd be brilliant and hilarious if that wasn't apparently happening to me. Erm. It's a good thing I'm working from home today. I'll see what the fuck is going on this evening... erm, I might PM a couple of you with my mobile number...

CUS - have you checked that nothing of yours is missing? Stuff, I mean, not penis.

Nothing obvious, no. But I've not been that long moved in, and I've still got boxes of crap all over the place - Dimrill will attest to my somewhat tramp-like approach to furniture and storage.

I've got full contents insurance, and all my personal, private stuff is either stored elsewhere or just obscurely hidden but... still. "Hey, at least I don't have anything valuable or worth stealing, right?"

WTF! Someone has posed as Mr Grimm and has been living with you for a month!

I'd get a mate round before the bloke comes back, if it were me. I mean, if it were me who discovered I have a random stranger living with me. Not "if it were me living with you". It isn't, for the record.

I think we need a chronology of how this all came about, CUS, in case it becomes relevant later.

Um. Not just living.

Aaaah.

I see.

This was a very good wind-up, then.

I'd say "pics or it didn't happen" but Craster may explode.

I am confused and require further details.

I'm amused at the idea of someone living with you for a month, then turning out to NOT be the random guy off the internet is somehow threatening.

Um. I don't really have much of a sense of humour at the moment sorry. This is why I have posted saying I can't go to Nottingham. I'm scared to leave the house now, just in case.

Look. "My girlfriend lives in America" And I've just REMOVED MY BEARD, before announcing that... well, see the thread title.

Please. Don't make jokes. I don't know what to do.

This is all real, right? This feels like one of those horrible moments in the pub, where a mate tells me some totally unbeliveable bollocks of a story and just as I'm starting to believe it they all point at me and call me a gullible knob.

You've all had this happen to you in the past, right? Right?

Edit: Ah! A load more posts have happened since starting to type the above - I had to go and do something halfway through typing. So I retract all of the above before I get everyone point at me and call me a gullible knob, as this very clearly is now a wind-up type situation. Kthnx!

Are you just really, really bored today, mate?

Hehe, why am I Phoebe? Boys at school used to call me Phoebe, too.

How long have you been living with fake Davydd, CUS?

I guess you could always rent the room next to her.

What is going on CUS?

Crumbs, CUS, if your story-be-true and not entertaining fabrication (and knowing the strange world of the lives of BETEO people and the vibe I'm getting I'm leaning towards alarmingly true) then I hope this is resolved in a markedly straightforward and amicable way tonight - possibly with your strange mystery housemate pulling down a fake beard Beadle style or something. Or maybe not. I've no idea what's going on really, I'm rambling.

Anyway, take care CUS mate and I hope things don't get too weird for you. I'm off to the cinema now and a friend's later so I won't be posting tonight, but good luck with your life-plot-twist/entertaining-jibe. Seriously.

Is Daffyd happy with the implication that he's in the gays? I thought he was be-girlfriended.

I'm a little stumped. I thought all you bezzie types chatted on XBL every week, wouldn't you know if it didn't even sound or act like him? Presuming he has a mic etc. And surely there would have been some contact through the board before you, y'know, moved in with him.

Then again, I may be missing some crucially important details here, so disregard if necessary.

CUS keeps his volume down. That'll learn him!

Like it being a massive wind up, you mean?

d
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Has CUS been around today?

Hope he's OK


Is there any way of checking?

He's not been posting today. Can't tell if he's logged on or not though.

As far as I can tell, he posted to tell us he'd been living with a man he believed to be Dayvvd Grimm as a gay couple for a month, and then got alarmed when it wasn't the person he thought it was.

1) He didn't mention living with Grimm before, gay couple or not.
2) This smacks of weirdness.
3) If it wasn't a wind-up he'd have been more forthcoming with details, I'm sure.

Er, was he suggesting that he and Davyyd were lovers, then?

Well, whatever it is it's weird. Either way, I hope you're OK, CUS. Drop us all a line when you can.

Oh yeah.

Who knows what's going on?

It's the start of a glorious breakdown.

No, YOUR face is.

I have been offline for most of today due to having no electricity on the street, due to mystery.

Thank-you to those who have not immediately assumed that this is 'oh, just another example of that CUS being the same lying weird twat he always he is'. The truth is rather more complicated.

I haven't posted every single little last detail about this 'situation' for the exact same reason that Sinister Agent did not previously, when he had an, er, gayness-related problem. You don't know who's going to read it.

Thanks to those who've been unsurprisingly homophobic and/or inclined to believe the worst (of me) - truly, you are the worst of us.

For the time being, I've not 'said anything'. I'm currently double-checking where I stand with my insurance, my rent contract etc. I'm sure you'd do the same - I need to also arrange, should things look to go particularly sour with myself and my 'house-mate', for someone to basically be here during the periods when I have to go into the office, in case of basically a van turning up whilst I'm away, and emptying my house into before speeding off into mystery. This, plus a load of money worries that have arrived this week, so I'm very much distracted and uncertain at the moment, about 'going forward' with this all.

Those who have extended worry, sympathy or offers to help - a genuine thank-you. You are the best of us. Far better than I.