Be Excellent To Each Other

I have a kitemark.

I was rubbish at chatting girls up, then I tried being the most arrogant twat in the world and it worked wonders.
Knowing this is what made Titler go crazy.

Apart from the pirate thing, this is all about being arrogant, and will work. You have to believe it will work, though.

At the risk of backtracking four pages, I must see this intriguing and preposterous creature.

Oh yeah!
And I want the squirrel hat.

I would say 'confident' rather than 'arrogant, but, yeah. And timing it correctly is also VERY important.

Being heart-stoppingly good-looking helps.

You're too kind.

"I'm going to murder you! You bloody... woman!"

As was nature.

I caught my girlfriend's eye by wearing a skirt. Also I wrote things for her on the pavement in chalk. Little things like 'the dentist's office is to your left'. Because she had to get to the dentist in a hurry after work one day but didn't know where to go.

Obliging, me. Result: result.

I caught my missus' eye by being almost a clear foot taller than her, having a bald head and looming in a leather jacket.

Like I said, I met the Mrs. at the school bus stop. She was new in the village and it was her first day at school. I was the only person that said "Hello" to her.
Our first date was 'just as friends' at the cinema, as I was with another woman at the time. I forgot my wallet, but had £2 in my pocket and happily won the rest of the money we'd need on a fruit machine. I knew she liked 70's music, and I honestly, honestly thought that Boogie Nights was about discos and stuff.
Whoops.

<chortles>

I was sat in the beer garden being me, and she came over on the pretext of saying hi to Craster, and sat on my lap.

Score!

Of course she dumped me three months later, and we didn't get back together for another 7 years.

Grim... London's answer to Travis Bickle there.

You're not gay?

Ha! Pretext!

And I got her psycho mate MR TRAUMATISED FACE

You got Mr Traumatised Face?

You gay, too, now?

Who's now pregnant, btw.

's alright, it's not yours.

My animal magnetism, quick wit and drinking abilities made my 'not wife then' swoon, being dynamite in the sack ensured my victory was not short lived.

Wow. I'd love to have exploding bollocks. *stares in rapt attention to Zozdar*

Wouldn't surprise me if it was - by some means of secret ninja sperm theft.

Ewww....

The annoying BBC Radio Gloucestershire presenter has totally supplanted you, dude. You need to move on and get over her.

This is the babbit hat:


Part bat, part rabbit. Babbit.

That's awesome. It looks like my bunny.

Man, is that ever a most inappropriately placed holster.

I managed to catch Mrs Squirt's eye by tight-rope walking ( exceptionally badly ). Apparently the combination of the circus environment and my dicing with danger ( although it was only about a foot off the floor ) were enough to win her over. Id heartily recommend it, although I've heard the flying trapeze or knife throwing can also work.

Do many pubs have (low) hire-wires in them for this purpose? If not, we should start a pub that does.

What happened was:

It was a saturday and I had the intention of going to a party at a work colleague's place that evening. During the afternoon, I was playing internet spaceships and chatting with one of the girls in the alliance about it and I was minded not to go. In the end she said "Just go now, and put your game face on, I can't be doing with you whinging about this sort of thing anymore" or words to that effect. So I got as far as chavpub and had a coupla beers whilst waiting for the bus. It was raining a lot that day I remember. Anyways, I got on bus and it got close to where I had to be and walked the rest and got soaked. Anyway, we met there via the medium of my being able to not blink for over 2 minutes.

Our first date was good as well, as we went to a wine bar. I got there 10 minutes early, went over to the bar, ordered a trendy continental beer, and palmed the barman a tenner, explained that I was meeting someone and could he bring the bottle of wine I'd chosen and 2 glasses over when she arrived. Which he did and I looked REALLY FUCKING COOL.

So it is all someone from internet spaceships fault.

I've just spent ages trying to get Twitch to sit still with his new "cape". He wasn't happy:

How to get a girlfriend by Lave aged 26 and a 1/4.

1) Share a flat with her.
2) Get very drunk.

Tada!

Does she have to get drunk, too?

To end up with me?

Very much so.

Either way, your list of recommendations is super-ace.

It's no super rabbit though. But then little is.

Hello Twitch! I love you!

I especially love that you have a kind of little white quiff!

If I had a rabbit I would attempt to create one. As I only have goldfish, I might find it difficult.

Bunn-eh!

He looks so soft and cuddly. He does not look too happy at his wash, though!

Like the one in http://www.lukechueh.com/paintings/monkeys-with-hat.html?

Hehe - yes, that's exactly the kind of thing I was thinking of - I think it is a fateful sign that it is being worn by a Monkey!

Someone wrote into Empire a few months back to report that, years ago, he chose blindly from the cinema listings; sadly it resulted in him taking his Jewish girlfriend on a first date to see Schindler's List. It didn't "set the mood".

Possibly the worlds cutest kitten.

It looks like a dog.

It looks like a pre-midnight Gremlin that's been stuck in the ugly blender.

This kitten is cuter



Ohhhh, I'd love a kitten

They smell, rub their poo-ey bottoms over everything and then give you toxoplasmosis and you die.

Stick with monkeys.

Oh, hell yes. They need to ship those to Iraq and Afghanistan.