Bits & Bobs XII

TheAlbin0Kid · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 14:35

Doctor Glyndwr wrote:

Warning: Curio has written an essay on CoD4. It's good stuff but it's far longer than any other writeup so it should probably be edited down to fit in.

Purge all adjectives and adverbs imo, and delete anything in brackets.

DBSnappa · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 14:44

Craster wrote:

AngryPete wrote:

DBSnappa wrote:

I was given three bin liners full of offal and told to remove the heart and liver from the lights.

Which bits are 'the lights'. The only other time I'd heard that word in that context is the chilling, "Look Netley, lights!" bit in From Hell, which finally sends poor Netley over the edge.

Lungs.

Correct and so called, allegedly, as they weigh fuck all

Grim... · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 14:45

myp wrote:

As Mr Chris is shit, does someone want to do a Baldur's Gate II review before I subject you to another one of my 'comedy' ones?

I've not played it, but I'll give it a shot.

Quote:

In Baldur's Gate II you have to build a gate for a elderly, hairless man. Choose the wood and the fasteners and make that gate!
Awesome fun for girls, boys and lawyers. Who tell fibs about things they will do. Like come to parties. And write reviews. Although his kiddie was poorly, so maybe we shouldn't be so hard on him. But he's still a rotten fibber. Have I hit the word count yet?

myp · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 14:47

Good enough for me - it's in.

Grim... · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 14:47

Doctor Glyndwr · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 32621

Myp -- never mind the forwarding, I've put all the current copy in the article. Only Baldur's Gate II is needed. I have some Elite screenies from Chinny to put on, and it needs a few more pictures.

** after an article means it hasn't been edited yet. * means kalmar has edited it, no stars means I've edited it. That doesn't mean it's perfect.

Go do stuff.

Grim... · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 14:55

I'll PM you the details of a site to get screenshots from.

Doctor Glyndwr · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 32621

Grim... wrote:

I'll PM you the details of a site to get screenshots from.

If it's the one at the header of the article, I couldn't work out how to log in.

Wullie · **Joined:** 27th Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 6183

Grim... wrote:

I've not played it, but I'll give it a shot.

Ha! That's quite similar to mine

Quote:

Baldy Gate was a terrible affair. It all kicked of when the American president called one of his aides a "baldy fucking bastard" & asked if he could glue a pink Joob Joob to his head so he'd look like a tit. Someone leaked the story to Fox News & Glen Beck got so excited he spunked over his desk, he then composed himself & went back to shouting about nignogs in the White House. No-one was sacked over Baldy Gate, but relations with the Russian Federation remain poor because of Putin's sensitivity about his receeders.

zaphod79 · **Joined:** 16th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

Are you sure you have the right name and its not Baltars gate ?

TheAlbin0Kid · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 15:21

zaphod79 wrote:

Are you sure you have the right name and its not Baltars gate ?

I don't get it.

zaphod79 · **Joined:** 16th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

TheAlbin0Kid wrote:

I don't get it.

Character is Baltar from Battlestar Galactica (from the 80's series)

In other "everyones being upset with everyone else" news - Chas n Dave split :

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8269057.stm

Curiosity · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 15:26

I figured we were meant to write more about the ones near the top of the list, hence my long write-up for CoD4. Plus I really love it.

Edit me at your peril!

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49233

Curiosity wrote:

I figured we were meant to write more about the ones near the top of the list, hence my long write-up for CoD4. Plus I really love it.

I like cock.

myp · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 15:29

I will be ruthless.

Malabelm · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 15:30

myp wrote:

I will be ruthless.

Why, where's she going?

NervousPete · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 16:11

Chas and Dave have split up. I know at least three friends who'll be weeping buckets of tears.

EDIT: Oh - wait, damn. Already posted.

NervousPete · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 16:14

zaphod79 wrote:

Are you sure you have the right name and its not Baltars gate ?

Look at him. Poor chap. So glum. He must be thinking about how his luxuriously haired inheritor beds hundreds of beautiful women, while he's stuck on a ship full of lizard robots.

Mr Russell · **Joined:** 6th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 12309

Ah it wasn't the original Dave anyway

sinister agent · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 7046

I'm going out of my way to help out a business I loathe and would gladly see fall to pieces. I hate being professional sometimes.

So, balancing it out by posting on forums. Ha! That'll learn yer.

GazChap · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 16:47

My storage heater doesn't work, and never has done.

Do I:

a) Try and sell my property knowing full well that it doesn't work (as the seller when I bought it clearly did) and hope they don't ask an outright question about it

or

b) Get the heater fixed, possibly at great expense for a new heater

?

Grim... · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 16:49

sinister agent wrote:

I'm going out of my way to help out a business I loathe and would gladly see fall to pieces. I hate being professional sometimes.

So, balancing it out by posting on forums. Ha! That'll learn yer.

We did work for a no win no fee company two years ago. I felt filthy, but I made all their image names spell out something like "you are all parasites who should be ashamed".

sdg · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 16:50

Today at work I spent most of the day walking all round the site checking valves were shut because during two spirit transfers 1500 litres of whisky has somehow gone missing, which basically means it's gone through a valve it shouldn't have and is now hiding in some pipework

my favourite bit was going to the vat farm; I'm never there and so yesterday I was impressed by a 10,000 litre vat. Today I was standing amongst 24 vats each with a capacity of 280,000 litres. A beautiful moment.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 16:52

superdupergill wrote:

Today at work I spent most of the day walking all round the site checking valves were shut because during two spirit transfers 1500 litres of whisky has somehow gone missing.

...and no sign of Dimrill...

BikNorton · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 10100

GazChap wrote:

My storage heater doesn't work, and never has done.

Do I:

a) Try and sell my property knowing full well that it doesn't work (as the seller when I bought it clearly did) and hope they don't ask an outright question about it

or

b) Get the heater fixed, possibly at great expense for a new heater

?

Depends how much you like being on the wrong end of a court case?

TheAlbin0Kid · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 16:53

superdupergill wrote:

Today at work I spent most of the day walking all round the site checking valves were shut because during two spirit transfers 1500 litres of whisky has somehow gone missing

Haha, whose idea was it to have the most likely culprit investigating the disappearance?

GazChap · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 16:53

Surely as long as I don't actually lie about it I'd be OK? If they asked me if it worked I'd obviously say no, but if they don't ask...

TheAlbin0Kid · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 16:55

GazChap wrote:

Surely as long as I don't actually lie about it I'd be OK? If they asked me if it worked I'd obviously say no, but if they don't ask...

A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat, if you ask me.

(don't ask me directly obv)

sdg · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 17:01

Sadly I started at work 30 years too late for the whisky stealing antics- today I discovered a few differet pipes which branch off of main spirit pipes, travel down to about waist height and then end with a valve at the bottom. On Tuesday and Thursday nights back in the day, all the maintenance staff got offered overtime and they sneakily fitted these pipes for the sole purpose of having a drink during these overtime shifts

sadly these main spirit lines have now been demoted to demin water lines

TheAlbin0Kid · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 17:03

superdupergill wrote:

sadly these main spirit lines have now been demoted to demin water lines

I read that as "denim water lines"

zaphod79 · **Joined:** 16th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

GazChap wrote:

My storage heater doesn't work, and never has done.

Do I:

a) Try and sell my property knowing full well that it doesn't work (as the seller when I bought it clearly did) and hope they don't ask an outright question about it

or

b) Get the heater fixed, possibly at great expense for a new heater

?

Is

C) Be open that the heater does not work - you've lived there without it for X amount of time and leave it to the seller to decide if they want that heater or a new one ?

an option ?

Going back to the earlier questions about dodgy dealings for £5 from a multi-million pound gamesite this is up to your own morals but remember your probably screwing a normal person who would not think that someone would be as ...... to sell them the place without making it clear that this bit is broken.

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49233

If it helps I have no intention whatsoever of pointing out when I sell it that underneath the floorboards of my house resides a good-sized lake.

devilman · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 17:28

Craster wrote:

If it helps I have no intention whatsoever of pointing out when I sell it that underneath the floorboards of my house resides a good-sized lake.

You could market it as a selling point if you bend the truth a little. 'Property has unique underground jetski facilities'.

zaphod79 · **Joined:** 16th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

Craster wrote:

If it helps I have no intention whatsoever of pointing out when I sell it that underneath the floorboards of my house resides a good-sized lake.

A Luxury swimming pool ?

A pre-made Aquarium ?

Bobbyaro · **Joined:** 18th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 11847

GazChap wrote:

Surely as long as I don't actually lie about it I'd be OK? If they asked me if it worked I'd obviously say no, but if they don't ask...

Caveat Emptor; even if you lie (according to my solicitor) tough shit to the buyer.

Wullie · **Joined:** 27th Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 6183

I've vague memories of a story (or possibly a dream) about some guy building a boat in his basement then realizing he had no way to get it out, so he flooded his basement & rowed it around down there. I remember him being lonely too, so I think he had to do it in secret. Anyway, much later water damage caused the basement walls to collapse or something & it turned out his neighbour had done the same thing

Mimi · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 25720

Just in case anyone knows of any jobs going in Lancaster/Morecambe type area please drop me a line, because it turns out that life can get even more rubbish.

Really though, if anyone hears of anything that someone as useless as me can do, please grab me because things look pretty bad from Mimi Land right now

MaliA · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 19:00

Mimi wrote:

Just in case anyone knows of any jobs going in Lancaster/Morecambe type area please drop me a line, because it turns out that life can get even more rubbish.

Really though, if anyone hears of anything that someone as useless as me can do, please grab me because things look pretty bad from Mimi Land right now

((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

It'll pick up.

metalangel · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 19:07

AngryPete wrote:

Look at him. Poor chap. So glum. He must be thinking about how his luxuriously haired inheritor beds hundreds of beautiful women, while he's stuck on a ship full of lizard robots.

That light they're constantly shining up into his face to make him look evil is driving him nuts. And his henchbots secretly call him 'Baldstar', except he knows.

sdg · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 19:14

WTF?! A one page website which astonishes and amazes.

MaliA · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 19:18

Fuck me, I'm shttered and have about 5 hours worth of LPC shit to get through before 9am.

It's not appearing to be hard, just volume.

Mimi · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 25720

superdupergill wrote:

WTF?! A one page website which astonishes and amazes.

I clicked on one of the links to one of his other pages (buses) and up popped this picture

This amuses Mimi, from Neasden.

devilman · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 19:21

Mimi wrote:

Just in case anyone knows of any jobs going in Lancaster/Morecambe type area please drop me a line, because it turns out that life can get even more rubbish.

Really though, if anyone hears of anything that someone as useless as me can do, please grab me because things look pretty bad from Mimi Land right now

Pfft.. who wouldn't employ you? I can't offer anything constructive in assistance though - there may be some jobs going where I work shortly (idiots getting suspended for abusing the email system) but I wouldn't wish a cold-calling job on anyone.

TheAlbin0Kid · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 19:25

Mimi wrote:

Just in case anyone knows of any jobs going in Lancaster/Morecambe type area please drop me a line, because it turns out that life can get even more rubbish.

Really though, if anyone hears of anything that someone as useless as me can do, please grab me because things look pretty bad from Mimi Land right now

What is driving you to look in that area?

Long or short story is fine, whichever you prefer.

MaliA · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 19:26

Words I will come to regret:

After MrsA read me an article from the time:

"Fine, we'll send the kids to do law at UCL then."

Time to buy a puppy I think.

Mimi · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 25720

Well, I just thought I'd ask in case anyone knew of anything. You never know.

Monkey and I may have to start busking :munkeh:

Albino: I live there (here).

chinnyhill10 · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 15695

Craster wrote:

If it helps I have no intention whatsoever of pointing out when I sell it that underneath the floorboards of my house resides a good-sized lake.

There was a couple of new builds near here that were built where ye olde village pond once was.

Can we all guess what happened a few years back when it rained terribly heavily? That's right, the water table rose up and ye olde village pond reappeared.

Mimi · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 25720

Mali: that man made a site for you, too.

http://www.themanwhofellasleep.com/polarbears.html

sdg · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 19:28

Mimi wrote:

Mali: that man made a site for you, too.

http://www.themanwhofellasleep.com/polarbears.html

that's a good one. I also enjoyed the one about Dr Dre.

MaliA · **Posted:** Tue Sep 22, 2009 19:30

MaliA is busy atm. Please leave a message after the tone.

Also, we just stuck the bed that's been in the garage on freecycle. I can't fail to see how this is going to go wrong when people come to pick it up on Thursday and I'm in.

Be Excellent To Each Other

Bits & Bobs XII

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