Be Excellent To Each Other

Sorry to bring the tone down chaps, I wasn't sure whether to say anything, but it might make me feel a bit better if I do.

Back in June I mentioned that my uncle had been diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, which is basically cancer of the white blood cells, which means you're more or less fucked if they don't catch it early. Unfortunately, with my uncle they didn't catch it early and they gave him 3 years to live. A couple of weeks ago he took a bad turn and wound up in intensive care, more or less due to die that evening. So, I went to see him with the rest of my family (it wasn't a particularly nice thing to see, but I'm glad I did). However, he pulled through that night and started to improve a little bit, although the amount he could improve was slim, and it was likely he wouldn't be coming out of the hospital again.

He gradually got taken off all of the machines he was on, dialysis and the like, and was actually able to talk to people for the last week or so, so everyone got to see him again, although he was apparently a bit angry about where he was and stuff. I didn't go to see him, you see? Anyway, yesterday he was basically given a few hours to live and he died this morning at 8AM. He was 49. He never smoked, didn't drink heavily, it was just one of those things I suppose.

I am obviously upset to see my uncle go, but I'm most concerned about my Mam. He was her brother and she's obviously devestated. My dad is there for her, and her other brothers, and my brothers, but I'm still not sure really what to do.

Really sorry to hear about that - things like this do make you question stuff , and if its cathartic for you to get this out then go right ahead.

Condolences, chap. If you aren't sure what to do that's natural and part of your own bereavement. Point your Mum towards http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ if after a while she's not coping well - at this stage though, nobody could be expected to. Bereavement is like an itch, you can't ignore it when it is there and you sometimes don't notice when it goes.

That sucks man.
Sorry to hear about that

Sorry to hear about that chap.

You were right to mention it. This is, afterall, a forum full of excellent people who I'm sure will be here for you if you need them.

Sorry to hear about your loss. It's never easy. I hope the hurt heals for your mum before long. I find that emerging from bereavement tends to be when you find that you've stop thinking about how they died and are thinking about how they lived instead.

Condolences man, and it's normal to feel helpless, I always have done. It's hard to find the right words. Just being there for her helps though.

Really sorry to hear about this, glad you posted about it though, it's good to talk about things.

*hugs*

I am sorry to hear about it.. my thoughts are with you and your family..

Condolences to you and your family, Jonarob. I was 17 when my mother died of cancer, after a year of heading inevitably downhill. You tell yourself it'll be easier when you see it coming, a blessing of sorts that at least ends their suffering. It doesn't work that way though.

It's always horrible when family members pass away, particularly if they're young. The thing is, what you're mother is going through is going to take it's own time to pass, all you can do is offer her support, comfort and love. Encourage her to celebrate the life he had and the memories she shared with him and be there to do that with her. Time is the only thing that makes this better. My thoughts are with you and your family.

Sorry to hear that, man. Condolences.

Oh, man, that really is a horrid situation to be in. I've been through something really very similar, but won't really say much about that. 49 does seem like no age to have had to suffer something like that, but unfortunately it happens and it can seem hard to accept that there may be no reason, no blame other than just having the misfortune of being dealt a shitty hand in life.

It really isn't easy to know what to do in a situation like that, but one thing that always helps is to make sure the bereaved, the particularly hard-hit ones, know that they are not alone in all of this. Never be afraid to talk about your uncle, especially the fun times, the good memories. Sometimes it might feel better just to not say anything, but holding it inside doesn't help, avoiding talking about your uncle just in case it leads to tears isn't the way to do it. Talking about things they did, liked, and what they were to you may be bitter-sweet but in time it will ease. It can take years and years, and sad memeories can just creep up out of nowhere, often when the mind is idle. Keeping busy is a way to help slowly come to terms with the feelings, trying to prevent someone fall into a pit of despair.

I don't think losing someone close is something that anyone ever really gets over, more something they come to terms with and begin to accept. It seems to me that 'middle aged' people take these things particularly badly; youngsters have a lot in front of them to focus on, elderly have generally begun come to terms with the nature of life.

Really sorry to hear about it, I do hope you are all bearing up OK. Best wishes and all that.

Condolances, Jr. It's good that your Ma has family around to help her.

I echo all the previous statements Jonarob and also say not to worry about posting on here about it if it helps. I had something similar happen with my friend and her mum and it really is impossible to know what to do or say. I found the funeral/memorial service was able to help both of us get a handle on our grief since obviously you have lost someone as well, and after that I'm afraid it is just time and supporting your mum as much as possible. As others have said though, don't be afraid to talk about him because it really does help.

Truly sorry to hear that. Hang in there, old bean.

Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately I doubt there's much that I or anyone can say that is going to make you feel any relief other than you have our thoughts. Never feel the need to apologise for bringing down the 'mood', as no rounded person expects to share only in the fun and never share and feel the sadness of a friend.

Thanks everyone. I find my mind is drifting away from thinking about it and then occasionally I'll remember. Definitely getting drunk tonight!

Yeah, that will happen a lot. You'll probably find that the periods between where it jumps to the front of your mind lengthen after days, weeks, months. Time does dampen the shock if not the sadness. I hope your family find some comfort in his memory xx

Sorry to hear your news. I lost my Uncle to cancer a couple of years back - I just think you need time, and in time it does get a little easier and personally I find it's always good to talk about it if and when you need to, and never be embarrassed to cry or whatever.

Really sorry to hear this. Deepest sympathy to you and your family.

I'm sorry to hear this. You have my sympathies my friend.

Sorry to hear this. Very sad.

My dad died at 35 on a football pitch playing football.

Life is weird like that.

Sorry for your loss.

Sorry to hear it Chinny. Something like this is always awful.

sorry to hear it, johnny. Take care of your mum, mate

Sorry for your loss, man.

Sorry for your loss, Johnny. *sends hugs down the tubes*

Sorry for your loss, dude

Aw man, Jonny I'm so sorry. I lost my Dad two years ago to small cell cancer of the lungs, lymph and brain. It's horrible to go through and my thoughts are with your family.

Sorry man. I can't add much to what people have said, it's upsetting and everyone has their own way of coping and coming to terms with it. Do what you feel you must.

Sorry to hear it Jonarob What they all said, and it will take a while.