1) Carry-On 2) Joker 2 3) Longlegs 4) The Order. 5) Elevation 6) Don’t Blink 7) Fargo 8 ) Captain America: Brave New World 9) Don’t Look Up 10) Mandy
11) Conclave
The Pope is dead! Long live…whom? Back stabbing bishops abound in this … “thriller”? I wouldn’t say I was thrilled, mind, but very entertained. Everyone brings their A-game and choosing a pope has never been so…sexy? No. No, it wasn’t. It was great, though.
12) Companion
Pacey from Dawson’s Creed just come out of fucking nowhere and gives a banger of a performance in this…thriller? Yes, it’s a fucking thriller. Sort of. Pacey brings a companion to a mansion in the woods miles from civilisation. She’s super awks, and she might have an alternative motive. There’s a rich Russian here too. Guess who gets offed? A futuristic look at autonomous sex robots and why you probably shouldn’t piss them off after you’ve jail broken one. Also it’s really good.
12 - Heart Eyes. Valentines-based slasher with a few good moments and fun kills. The comedy doesn't really land and the 'whodunnit' aspect is hampered by the fact that there are like five characters in it. 3/5
13 - The Box. A 2009 Cameron Diaz film that starts with a good premise (if you press this button, somebody dies but you get a million dollars) but wastes that premise by turning the whole thing into a long X-Files episode. 2.5/5
Joined: 30th Mar, 2008 Posts: 14482 Location: Shropshire, UK
Watched Mickey 17 the other night. Pretty good, Robert Pattinson can fuckin' act, I'll give him that. Pretty seamless looking CGI too, at least as far as the "two Robert Pattinsons in one shot" thing goes.
Joined: 30th Mar, 2008 Posts: 49038 Location: Cheshire
GazChap wrote:
Watched Mickey 17 the other night. Pretty good, Robert Pattinson can fuckin' act, I'll give him that. Pretty seamless looking CGI too, at least as far as the "two Robert Pattinsons in one shot" thing goes.
Hudgens didn't need cgi
_________________
Mr Chris wrote:
MaliA isn't just the best thing on the internet - he's the best thing ever.
1) Carry-On 2) Joker 2 3) Longlegs 4) The Order. 5) Elevation 6) Don’t Blink 7) Fargo 8 ) Captain America: Brave New World 9) Don’t Look Up 10) Mandy 11) Conclave 12) Companion
13) Mickey 17
It’s good but I wasn’t spaffing myself watching it. Batman does a decent job, but I didn’t like the irritating nerd voice he used for the titular character. I preferred the psychopathic Mickey 18 who had a normal voice. A mild complaint but it annoyed me that I was so annoyed by it, especially after listening to it for 2 hours. There’s some really good performances outside of Batman anyway: for example, Naomi Ackie fucking SMASHES it. Mind you, I had a little problem with the tone of the thing. It’s almost like a black comedy, but there’s a couple of leading stars who are so OTT that they’re cartoonish. Hulk does probably exactly what’s asked of him, but I found it too unsubtle. You’ve got TWD’s Glenn, for example, who does a really good job of being silly without, ironically, being a comic book character. I dunno, I just kinda wanted the cartoonish villain to be a bit less like an actual cartoon.
Anyway, it looks fantastic. It’s witty, it’s funny, it’s interesting, it’s also too long and the final act is a bit disappointing. Not my favourite Bong but a good Bong anyway.
Joined: 30th Mar, 2008 Posts: 14482 Location: Shropshire, UK
I rewatched The Accountant last night, in anticipation of the upcoming sequel-that-everyone-was-asking-for-but-that-nobody-needed.
Even the second time around it's a surprisingly compelling and engaging film. It will be intriguing to see how they go with the sequel, as the "hook" of the first movie is obviously spoiled for the sequel.
Yeah, that pretty much matches my view. Decent, but not the greatest.
Yes, completely agree too. I felt like it was over, then they found a load of stuff from the book that they crammed into a flashback, which was too much. But not to say that I didn't enjoy it.
Joined: 30th Apr, 2008 Posts: 7340 Location: Behind you
Black Bag Soderbergh’s latest genre movie, starring Michael Fassbender, Cate Blanchett and an excellent ensemble cast. It’s an espionage movie, Fassbender plays a mole hunter and there’s a mole. It’s taut, classy, stylish and a tight 90 mins
1) Carry-On 2) Joker 2 3) Longlegs 4) The Order. 5) Elevation 6) Don’t Blink 7) Fargo 8 ) Captain America: Brave New World 9) Don’t Look Up 10) Mandy 11) Conclave 12) Companion 13) Mickey 17
14) Anora
The lead in this won best leading actress at the Oscars and it’s easy to see why. This story of a prostitute who marries a Russian oligarchs son is so fucking good, I was properly drawn in by it. It might have been the copious amounts of boobs on show, or how much I wanted to punch this 21 year old kids face in, or the utterly bombastic soundtrack… or maybe all of those, but it was the final scene that utterly cemented the brilliance of the lead actor. Christ, that final scene is filled with this complex mix of emotions that just fucking floored me.
A film I’d recommend to everyone but you’ve really got to be in the mood for it, I suppose. And probably don’t watch it with your mum and dad. This isn’t Pretty Woman. Well, it kinda is but with shitbags. And tits.
14 - The Gorge. The initial premise is interesting and the way the two leads bond is the best part of the film. Which is odd for me as the rest is sci-fi/horror and should have been the stuff that I'd like. But all those aspects are a bit underwhelming and often stupid (and all visualised with pretty thin and ropey CGI). A bit of a waste of the actors too. 2.5/5
15 - Shadow in the Clouds. Oh dear. Maude (Chloe Grace Moretz) cons her way onto a WW2 fighter plane and because she's a woman, the all-male crew take an immediate dislike to her. Which distracts them from the fact that this is essentially that Twilight Zone episode where the gremlin is on the plane. The idea had a bit of potential but the film is let down by two things.
The low budget means that for the first half of the film you're mainly hearing what's happening rather than seeing it (they make her sit in the gunner's bit). And then when you do see stuff happen it's all with pretty piss-poor CGI.
The other issue is that this is so heavily dated to 2020. And I'm not being a dick here but this is as girl-bossy a film as you've ever seen. Maude is the best pilot, best gunner, best tactician, best fighter, best everything. Every man is a super-angry sexist who fucks up at the first time of asking. Remember Die Hard 4 (the shitty Timothy Olyphant one where there's a kid who looks like the lead singer of Red Hot Chilli Peppers and it's all about hacking)? Remember how Bruce Willis survives a bunch of things that should kill him? Like he doesn't avoid them, he gets into car crashes, explosions, gets shot and just lives. Well this is more of that but worse.
Big spoilers (for a film you really don't need to watch ever).
ZOMG Spoiler! Click here to view!
Okay, so it turns out she's smuggled a baby on board. At one point the gremlin (a sort of human sized bat/rat thing that looks rubbish) takes an interest in the baby. So she has to get to it. She does that by Ninja Warrior-ing her way across the underside of the plane and a wing. Like literally hanging on by her fingers in freezing cold 20000 foot air. WHILE JAPANESE PLANES SHOOT LUMPS OUT OF HER PLANE. The plane is in a dogfight. She goes from upside down to crawling along the wing. Does all that with a wildly dislocated finger too.
She gets to the baby, gets inside the plane and then promptly falls out of plane's hatch at the bottom. A Japanese plane below explodes and the explosion blasts her back upwards into the hatch. That happens. Now aside from the fact that she'd be dead from the explosion and a lot of plane shrapnel, she just lands in the plane, goes 'ugh' and then gets back to being better than all the men.
Eventually the plane crash lands (super gently somehow). The gremlin (which she'd shot earlier and it had supposedly fallen to its death) then shows up and grabs her baby. Maude uses the power of being a pissed off 'mom' then goes and beats it to death. Which is odd given that this thing tore apart an engine with its claws and shredded a bunch of the men on the plane.
Then, just to make sure you get the point, she breastfeeds the baby.
1.5/5 - mainly because Chloe is always decent in things, even rubbish things. And I do like films that play out in confined settings. 1.5 might be a bit generous.
15 - Shadow in the Clouds. Oh dear. Maude (Chloe Grace Moretz) cons her way onto a WW2 fighter plane and because she's a woman, the all-male crew take an immediate dislike to her. Which distracts them from the fact that this is essentially that Twilight Zone episode where the gremlin is on the plane. The idea had a bit of potential but the film is let down by two things.
The low budget means that for the first half of the film you're mainly hearing what's happening rather than seeing it (they make her sit in the gunner's bit). And then when you do see stuff happen it's all with pretty piss-poor CGI.
The other issue is that this is so heavily dated to 2020. And I'm not being a dick here but this is as girl-bossy a film as you've ever seen. Maude is the best pilot, best gunner, best tactician, best fighter, best everything. Every man is a super-angry sexist who fucks up at the first time of asking. Remember Die Hard 4 (the shitty Timothy Olyphant one where there's a kid who looks like the lead singer of Red Hot Chilli Peppers and it's all about hacking)? Remember how Bruce Willis survives a bunch of things that should kill him? Like he doesn't avoid them, he gets into car crashes, explosions, gets shot and just lives. Well this is more of that but worse.
Big spoilers (for a film you really don't need to watch ever).
ZOMG Spoiler! Click here to view!
Okay, so it turns out she's smuggled a baby on board. At one point the gremlin (a sort of human sized bat/rat thing that looks rubbish) takes an interest in the baby. So she has to get to it. She does that by Ninja Warrior-ing her way across the underside of the plane and a wing. Like literally hanging on by her fingers in freezing cold 20000 foot air. WHILE JAPANESE PLANES SHOOT LUMPS OUT OF HER PLANE. The plane is in a dogfight. She goes from upside down to crawling along the wing. Does all that with a wildly dislocated finger too.
She gets to the baby, gets inside the plane and then promptly falls out of plane's hatch at the bottom. A Japanese plane below explodes and the explosion blasts her back upwards into the hatch. That happens. Now aside from the fact that she'd be dead from the explosion and a lot of plane shrapnel, she just lands in the plane, goes 'ugh' and then gets back to being better than all the men.
Eventually the plane crash lands (super gently somehow). The gremlin (which she'd shot earlier and it had supposedly fallen to its death) then shows up and grabs her baby. Maude uses the power of being a pissed off 'mom' then goes and beats it to death. Which is odd given that this thing tore apart an engine with its claws and shredded a bunch of the men on the plane.
Then, just to make sure you get the point, she breastfeeds the baby.
1.5/5 - mainly because Chloe is always decent in things, even rubbish things. And I do like films that play out in confined settings. 1.5 might be a bit generous.
If you want to see that scene here it is.
ZOMG Spoiler! Click here to view!
Wow, that scene is really, really bad. The grunting/gasping sound was the most annoying though.
_________________ rumours about the high quality of the butter reached Yerevan
Wow, that scene is really, really bad. The grunting/gasping sound was the most annoying though.
The film wasn't doing well at that point but was still tolerable but then that whole scene happens and just beats any goodwill out of the viewer. I'm surprised it stayed in during editing.
16 - Popeye The Slayer Man (2025). The latest film to take an old expired IP and turn it into a horror film. Preferred this to the Winnie the Pooh films because it was set in America and so felt a bit more like a real film. The idea is that Popeye has been living in a discarded canning factory on the docks eating contaminated spinach that's made him super strong but also psychotic. Fun practical effects and daft kills, exactly what you want from a dumb horror film. It's not going to win any awards but it's my sort of thing. 3/5
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