How are you doing these days Bik? I think you should know that you're not the only guy who's not always great in relationships.
I'm such a fucking belmtard.
Myself and my most recent girlfriend have been on and off for about 4 and a half years. It's not been easy. I love her to bits, but the whole time I've known her she's suffered from depression and that's made things tough, and I always seemed to hate the idea of being tied down to anything.
We originally went out for two years, but things seemed to peter out a bit, and rather than try to inject any excitement or make any effort with her, I ended it. I missed her like crazy though, so after around six weeks, I asked her out again. After some resistance, she agreed and things were great. For 3 weeks. Sadly I'd gone and slept with an ex during my six weeks single time and got her pregnant. I didn't know about this until after myself and my gf had got back together.
Unsurprisingly, she dumped me over it, but not straight away. To her credit, she really did try to deal with it. And when the baby was born, we got back in touch and gave it another go.
I've spent the last 21 months doing my best to be as awesome a father as I can, and it's paid off. I have a fantastic relationship with my daughter. It made my relationship with my girlfriend suffer though - not because of my daughter, as my girlfriend actually adored her - but because of how much I had to see my ex and because I basically wasn't giving her the attention she needed.
So we broke up again. And 4 weeks later, we got back together. That was about a year ago.
Since then, things were a bit shaky at first, but I eventually moved in to her flat with her and we've had months of everything going brilliantly. She told me she wanted to marry me and I realised I was so happy there with her that I wanted that too. And then two days later we had a stupid row over nothing, and she threw me out - her depression and mood swings often mean massive over-reactions to things, by her own admission. That was two weeks ago on Sunday.
I tried talking to her at the time, but she wasn't interested. I wrote her a letter, she said it was nice but changed nothing. I went to see her on Tuesday to find out what had gone wrong, and she told me. I saw her again last night and told her what I thought we could do to sort things out, and she got emotional and seemed to start having real second thoughts about ending our relationship, but then I pushed it too far and she got annoyed, her mood totally changed, she told me I was talking shit and asked me to leave. I texted to make sure there was no bad blood between us and we were still friends, she replied that "Of course we still are!".
But damn it, I just called her whilst she was at work. I wanted to invite her - as a friend, no strings attached - out with myself and my little girl on Sunday as she'd told me she was really missing my daughter. She thanked me, but said she couldn't make it as she already had other plans. I should have then said goodbye and hung up.
But no: I told her I'd like to see her again to discuss things. She then launched a "you're a really nice guy and I do like you, but no" bomb at me and I reacted badly. Not angry, more desperate. I went on some spiel about how much I loved her, how I meant it when I said I wanted us to get married, how I loved living with her, how she'd be crazy to jack it all in now... the works. All she could say to that was "um... okay." Oh, and she wished me luck for the job interview I have tomorrow.
So, as stated previously: I'm a fucking belmtard.
I'm leaving her the fuck alone now, before I totally lose the plot and she calls the police or something. I have actually got to see her next week too to sign some forms over... that should be fun. Fucks sake.
My dear old mother told me she believes it's time I met someone less complicated!
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