Be Excellent To Each Other

If you want to self publish I'll give you the £500, on the condition the first £500 you make you pay back to me, at 0% interest Serious offer.

Thank you very much.

I think, though, I'm actually going to try going down the agent route for now.

I've been re-reading it and, though it has some terrible, terrible sentences that I can't seem to untangle, the story's there and it's been making me laugh and I've been finding it exciting, despite, you know, having written it.

I think that once I've finished the current typo-kill I'm actually going to go for it and start sending off letters and samples.

For real.

Giant dog turd wreaks havoc at Swiss museum



Best headline, ever.

'ckin hell.

Can I get the same offer if/when I finish one of mine?



I'll even let you choose which one I do first:

1) Stereotypical mad scientist tries to take over the world as revenge for it being mean to him. He accidentally succeeds and spends the rest of the book trying to fabricate a superhero to take himself down.

2) Sculptor in strange city (steampunk kinda setting if anything) finds his works have all come to life - becomes celebrity - all the other sculprtures in the city come to life - everything goes a bit mental - original sculptor has to try to fix everything in an advernturey kinda way (idea stolen almost entirely from nervouspete).

I've written about a third of the former and the first three chapters of the latter.

You'd be rubbish on Dragon's Den.

I'd love to be a rich old Dragon, I'd spend the entire series just saying "yeah, alright" to whatever the people asked for. It'd be funny.

I like that one.

As do I, but why would he want to do it?

Insightful Grim...!

Maybe once I've finished going through it again.

I can't believe that after so long there are still so many missing letters and words in the thing.

He didn't really want to take over the world. He just wanted some attention and appreciation.



Anyway, enough with the spoilers.

It's an emotional comedy, if you hadn't gathered.

When it gets made into a Speilberg film, it'll be because he never really knew his father so the superhero becomes somekind of paternal-replacement figure.

Haha, I've just filled in a job application form only to find they've given me no contact information whatsoever with the pack. Idiots.

I will invest if the film adaptation has Hue & Cry's 'Looking for Linda' in the soundtrack.

Post it in the review thread and let the subeds do it for you

Have you read this?

That's part of the test. If you can't figure out how to get it to them, they don't want to employ the likes of you.

I did wonder that and found that Google was my friend.

Misinformation, clearly.

FTFM

Your only friend.

I think so. Yes.

Am I the only peson getting sick to fucking death of shops and traders using the following little formula of advertising in their windows/adverts etc:

"BEAT THE CREDIT CRUNCH!

Buy some useless overpriced tat for a bit less than we were charging you a couple of months ago!"

This should, of course, clearly be:

"BEAT THE CREDIT CRUNCH

Don't buy our shit - you don't need it".

Cunts.

Oh - and "credit crunch" is the most annoying term ever. I would far rather it be called the "Banking Banana".

New from Kelloggs - Credit Crunch! Turns your milk chocolatey!

Has there always been a "print view" tab at the top of the forum? I've only just noticed it.

That's funny! I work in marketing and we had our design team come back with a box of cereal with credit crunchies on it and the usual "beat the credit crunch" gumpf for a new campaign....

It was a rubbish idea.

Add to this the fucking cunt who, the other day, used the excuse of "the credit crunch" as to why their project wouldn't be proceeding.

Just tell the bloody truth. Nobody in their right mind would use that as an excuse unless they'd been put on the spot and couldn't think of anything better. The dimwitted marketing cretin.

Opel Fruits cereal.

You can have that one for free.

Nope, though I cursed when I saw it on the shelves recently.

Mine is quite different in plot though, thankfully. Still, it shows that there's at least some kind of market for these things.

I've actually written about 100k words around the theme and character, but it needs massive, massive re-work and parts re-written as it was originally written for something else entirely that will need to be edited out of it.

Or I could just try to get some short stories published instead, but there's not really much of a market for them, sadly.

Turns your milk red

Have faith.

Can anyone who lives in Manchester tell me which train station is easiest to get to by car if you're approaching from the East side of the city?

There are no big car parks directly adjacent to any one station, unfortunately. You'll be in for a 5-10 minute walk if you're looking to park up, otherwise it's quite easy to approach Piccadilly by car, although you can't park for any length of time. For pick-up this will be fine.

Apart from the MEN Arena car park next to Victoria Station. Or the NCP at the other side. Of it.

They were wrong to turn down the racing driver last night, proof they really don't know everything about everything, completely ignored that if they can get him in a sportscar career they'll make the money back without trying. Unless he's a complete waster (and that's why we have the due dilligence stage) then it'd be worth it on purely on publicity to get the name on that car with the program to run off the back of.

Does no one else on this forum listen to Radio 4's comedy at 6:30

The Now show from Friday (probably available on listen again / iplayer / whatever) had Mitch Benn doing a song about the credit crunch and the fact it sounded like some breakfasty stuff.

His version of that line was turns your trousers brown :-)

That's more west though, I was thinking east

I heard that one, yes.

I love the Now Show, and particularly enjoy Marcus Brigstock's rants. However, Mitch Benn is a low point - his "funny" songs have perhaps one joke in them, and go on for ever.

Specifically anything about the 'git-wizard'




I suppose it depends, I agree the joke generally goes on for too long but I enjoy the initial setup and the 'first' punchline

Mitch Benn is fucking awful. His voice does that up and down intonation like Lloyd Grossman and His Songs Aren't Funny.

Except for the one about the medical student who's in love with a corpse. That is comedy gold right there, and the reason I borrowed a Mitch Benn CD. And then got disappointed.

Mr Chris, I might have reason to call upon your critical eye tomorrow, is this acceptable, please accept a beer in advance as a retainer with several to follow. Love and hugs, Mr Afterthought.

FTFY.

There are car parks fucking everywhere in Nottingham, however.

Which you don't actually need if you turn up in time for the fucking train.

You may indeed, young Paddywagon. I await your request with eager anticipation. Beers not necessary, but obviously welcome.