Be Excellent To Each Other

Kick his ass, Seabass!

I'm not sure I want to try to get my novel to be published any more. It all seems far too complicated...

But it's good. I think people would enjoy reading it.

Hmpf.

Start serializing it on here, then charge us to read the rest.

Self publish, it's a piece of piss!

There was an article on that in the paper recently. Which one and when i don't recall.

I would just like to say I'm in an extremely good mood today, and this board seems like a very happy place right now.

It's great.

Soppy Twunt.

MY FACE HURTS.

I'm in a good mood too, brought on by Aston Villa actually signing players for their team, but it won't last (either the mood or the signings).

Face AIDS, more like.

I'm in an excellent mood too, as the Windows Mobile software I've just written for one of our clients has worked 100% straight from the off. Given that I've not done 'owt with retrieving/sending data to the Web through Windows Mobile before, this is quite surprising but pleasing nonetheless.

I'm feeling kinda groovy working on a movie.

Yeah right!

"Yeah right"

EDIT - Damn you, andyb!

But you did nothing? Absolutely nothing that day?

Have a cuddle.

I am in an exceptionally good mood, as I've had three nights in a row of getting decent sleep. This makes me inordinately happy.

You appear to have stolen the sleep from me, as I've had around 5 hours a sleep a night for the last 3.

Also China are lying cunts

I can't believe you linked to that with all the talk about the computer-generated fireworks going on today.

The missus has finally done the decent thing and left you then?

He loves the attention.

She was tiring me out with all the shagging, yes.

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

*Sobs*

The noise kept you awake?

bwahahahaaha.

badminton is interesting.

The show jumping isn't on iPlayer

The last self published book I've seen was this madness.
http://pixiestixkidspix.wordpress.com/awesome-resources-for-reading-and-kid-lit/latawnya-the-naughty-horse-learns-to-say-no-to-drugs/
For some reason pages 22 and 23 are my favourites.

Self publishing requires a lot of money. And effort. And probably won't get my novel made into a Saturday-night TV series adapted by Russell T. Davies or a Hollywood movies starring Chi McBride.

I probably need an agent. I know who I'd most like to represent me, but aiming for the world's oldest literary agency might be aiming a bit high at this stage. You know, just a little.

A lot of money my arse. A friend of mine did it at a cost of around £500. The only drawback is that the profit per book is much less, as the printers will only make smaller batches to order at a greater unit cost, BUT, it's more than possible pal.

The fuck..?

Also, the badminton on just now was awesomeness.

http://www.cafepress.com/cp/info/sell/products/books ??

The production quality on those looks shite. Proper self-publishing involves ISBN's, registration with BookData, and automatic listings on Amazon, like my non-existant book that was never published but was never removed from the fucking database, cunts.

How do middle aged men still not know urinal laws?

Went in just now, 5 urinals, with someone stood at 2 and 5. Wrong!

Funnily enough, there's 3 urinals in the toilets on my floor at work. I just went in and there was a guy using the middle urinal! The urinals are situated around a corner too so you've already commited yourself to using them by the time you notice that you'll have to stand far to close to a stranger.

£500 is a lot of money. It's about £485 more than I can afford.

There are only two in our toilets here, so you're stuffed if someone else is using one.

Also, if you want a poo and all the cubicles are full, does anyone else do a little look around as if you're purposefully looking for something or someone before turning on your heels and leaving?

Must be just me.

I wait for a cubicle to become free. Then check the previous person didn't pee on the floor or use the last of the toilet paper.

Reviewed!

That made me chuckle, thanks

Can't you publish it yourself?

It'd only cost £500.

It's in the top 2,143,061 bestseller list. Which means that there must be someone's self-published work that sells even fewer copies.

...

I've also been struggling for months trying to describe my book in one sentence without it sounding shit.

"A tale of superpowers, a centuries old battle between good and evil, mini golf and the importance of family."

Meh.

Right, I want to read that. How about if I promise to buy a copy if you send me the draft?

I could, it's true, but I have a couple of reservations:

1) Doing so would prevent me sueing the cock off of Virgin Books, as I plan to.
2) I'm not sure what kind of demand there would be for it now.
3) I'd have to pay a designer to put together the layout from scratch.
4) There's a chance, however small and unjustifiable it may be, that Virgin's concerns about the appearance of trademarks in a TOTALLY FAIR USE YOU CUNTS context might attract some more spurious legal action.
5) Given all of the above, it might not be money-making-worthy to go to all the effort, although all the content and high-res images are written and waiting.