Be Excellent To Each Other

The car that I went to look at at the weekend only to find it vandalised has now come back from the repair shop so the dealership is driving it over to me tonight for me to look at and test drive.

Man, they sound desperate to be rid of it

Haha. Well, we'll see Given the hassle they gave me on Saturday I'm tempted to thrash the shit out of it and then say I don't want it

Dimrill, you really are the most horribly evil-minded person ever. Why? Oh, why, for forcing nervouspete to have to engage in selective amnesia about bad words. You're making him act like ITV when they show Robocop. It's like Dambusters* having a bit that has to be edited out or dubbed over, because their dog ('Nigger') dies and 'Nigger's dead!' might be a bit iffy to play.

Please keep your hideous Lichfield agenda of bigotry to yourself, so that none of us are forced to censor ourselves and police our idle conversation, out a mis-placed sense of political correctness or decency, you Cank bast. Especially on a forum where 'twatty spacker' is a quite typical insult, and has much the same actual meaning.

Also: t'was me that spoke of flids, Mr. Dimrill merely replied to me. Please recommence torch-n-pitchforking in the appropriate place now. Owch.

* credit: D. Grimm, the other day.

You know every now and then you stumble upon a picture on the internet that is just so very weird in all senses that it makes your mind go a bit funny? Well, have a look here (I am pretty sure it is perfectly work-safe, but put this warning just in case): EDIT: Craster thinks that it is in fact not work safe - it is definitely no more than you'd see at the ballet, but I trust Craster's judgement: linky-ma-dink

Ohhh, CUS: double

Aaaaah! That's not just not work safe, it's not anything safe!

So what is it?

It's a 'white hole'.

So what is it?

More slang? What does that one mean?

I've never seen one before, no-one has, but I'm guessing it's a white hole.

EDIT : DAMN YOU CRASTER!

Mimi - Red Dwarf reference.

Sorry - It's a Red Dwarf quote. Not slang, but a desperately geeky in-joke.

So what is it?

YOU AND YOUR FUDGING CLEEKS GODDAMN YOU ALL.

It's someone in a leotard. No flesh is on show that shouldn't be on show - it just makes you wonder why that particular person was wearing a leotard.

Only joking!

Some of it is desperately trying to be on show.

The Channel 4 Advert for Kubrick season is fucking hyper-genius.

"You are what you wear"? And perhaps his middle name is Leo.

I saw that once before I had to turn my TV off for a while. If someone would be kind enough to tell me when they have stopped showing adverts for the Charlotte Church show I'd be grateful, as I'd then feel safe enough to turn the TV back on without the dire feeling that I want to run into the streets wielding a gun and taking pot shots at random people because the trailer for her chat show makes me feel so inconceivably angry.

I always cry during that bit.

Also, selective amnesia isn't exclusively due to playground taunting, but more due to the fact that it tangetially leads to recollections about how hideously unaware I was as to the existence of funk back then, and how lacking and terrifyingly childish my personality was up until blessed 5th year High School.

Plus *Hugs to Dimrill* I wasn't out to get him, and I myself keep calling people 'twonk eyes' thusly disparraging the visually impaired.

Don't worry, I don't want to be thought police or anything.

No, wait, I do. That would be excellent.

I'm shocked and appalled that there could be anything other than overwhelming love for Charlie Church and her Unfeasibly Large Decolletage.

Indeed, were someone were to ask me 'Go on, you can have anyone... let's pretend... anyone in Britain. Anyone.', I'd have said Charlotte Church and be already half-way down to the family planning clinic before you could shout 'I SAID PRETEND!' at me.

note: I know that she sings a bit, I've seen her music video, and I've seen pictures of her. I trust she's isn't famously AIDS-infected or something. edit: oh, and she's a massive lush, I recall.

If she was mute, she'd be fine. But, she's just so... rubbish! In the adverts we see her singing crap pop songs, 'dancing', and doing some god awful 'skits' - all of which she is utter rubbish at. The last straw is at the end of the trailer when she is doing another one of her so well thought out skits and she screams 'oh... my... GGGAAAWWWWWWDDDD!'.

It makes me want to smash something!

(Once, when I was very, very angry with something or someone, I can't remember what, I went into the back garden with a coffee mug. I can't remember which, it was one of our least favoured, and I threw it hard on the floor, and the stupid thing bounced. I did it again, and it bounced again. I tried four or five times ad the stupid thing wouldn't smash and I tried myself out, so I bought it back inside, sat it back on the windowsill and gave up. We still have it now.)

I am rubbish at smashing things up, yet Craig used to be able to not do so much as look at the washing up and half the plates and glasses would break. Also, hooray for dishwashers.

If Craster doesn't bow to inevitability and turn up and tell the story, I'll relate the occasion I tried to have a Big Flounce involving a glass item that stubbornly did not break.

Charlotte Church is a great example of someone annoying and stupid who shouldn't be famous. While I concur she can sing 'a bit', she's the most fumbling hackneyed gimmicky presenter I've ever seen, and she's as ugly as fug, in my opinion most humble.

*Coff* Lily Allen *coff*


FTFY

WHAT?!?!? NOW IT IS I WHO IS AM FURIOUSLY ANGRY! YOU WILL LEAVE! NOW! GO!

Chris Chris Chris, why would you lust after a facial reject when there are plenty of genuinely stunning ladies on tv?

Mine is a broad church, if you'll excuse the pun.

The Spare Future Mrs Chris is Gillan Anderson. I have the restraining order to prove it and everything.

I do not think she is ugly, but





So very much

I refuse to watch Lily Allen for the same reason - her trailer made it quite clear she was going to be rubbish, but the trailer itself didn't make me want to paint over my eyes with tarmac and put pencils in my ears.

Gilly's getting on a bit... 40 in August. C'mon Chris, there are loads of ladies in their mid-20s still alive.

Really? Goodness. You must have a strong constitution. I wanted to commit murder after seeing the trailers.

It could only have been worse if it had been co-hosted by Kate Nash.



Not reading Nuts or watching Hollyoaks I couldn't say who they might be, of course.

If I could have thought of specific examples I'd have cited them, but sadly I don't do nuts or hollyoaks either. Appearing in the latter makes you worthy of death regardless of your outward appearance, I'd say.

Being down to earth doesn't mean that you can present a TV show though. My window cleaner is pretty much down to earth, but he wouldn't be able to carry off presenting a television programme, either.

She can indeed sing, but she sings classical far better than the crap Ibiza anthems I heard her try a few years back, by gosh what was she thinking? She sounds rubbish singing pop songs.

Hollyoaks and Two Pints of blah blah are an amazement in the fact that a) they keep being commissioned and b) people watch them. I fund out that my 35 year old cousin and his girlfriend watch the Hollyoaks omnibus at the weekends. I wanted to hit them over the heads with pineapples. What a waste of a weekend.

and pineapples.

Hollyoaks was great when it started - it was a silly, funny "soap" that was an intresting diversion before going out to the pub (and was only bettered by that odd one on T4 that I can't remember the name of but had a girl who liked her boyfriend to dress up as a woman as she was a closet lesbytarian. Or something).

It went downhill after a while and bottomed out when they decided gay rape was a good idea for a plot arc.

I don't watch it but frequently catch several seconds of the intro as I'm fumbling for the remote to change the channel. It's just plain absurd.

My friend was one of the actors in that episode. I never saw it, though.

What are the chances that this will be the plot for a future ep. of Torchwood, eh?

I'm desperately trying to recall the name of that T4 show now.

At the moment I have to switch channels when that Halifax 'We are saving. We are saving...' ad comes on.

The thing with Charlotte Church is that she doesn't realise that her presenting/acting skills are so terrible - she seems to think that she is positively wonderful at what she is doing, and that just makes for the most cringing viewing.

The Halifax adverts are annoying, and the Nationwide ones (though last time I said I couldn't stand the Nationwide ones I got told off because someone on the forums knew the guy that starred in them and had a go at me saying how great a guy he was, which didn't stop the adverts being awful... 'new customers only'

Taken out against her, no doubt.

She is as mad as a bag of cats that woman. Attractive, yes. Very short, also yes. A complete fucking fruitloop, DEFINITELY.

Sexy mad?

The thing I find hardest to swallow is the number of people seen on "set". Kubrick was allowed a lot of his idiosyncracies in no small part because he ran a very tight ship by most crew standards - he generally had far far fewer people on set than most films do and hence he didn't spend a small fortune every time he decided to reshoot a scene for the bazillionth time, as was his wont.