Be Excellent To Each Other

Mrs T likes to annoy me on a regular basis with random ludicrous questions.

So i'm going to pass some over to you guys.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Would you rather be armless or legless?
Would you rather have one arm or three arms?
Would you rather date a mermaid that was top half fish or bottom half fish?
Would you rather eat a dog or a cat?


Well? I'm not allowed to get away with just a decision, I have to have reason too, so I want reasons.

Feel free to ask your own questions, I'm sure Mrs T has had much crazier ones than these, I'll ask her tonight if she remembers any. (She will, she remembers every word of every conversation we have ever had, yet ask her where the car keys are...)

Deaf (Pardon?)
Legless (Love booze)
Three arms (Scratch my arse when skiing)
Bottom half fish (they are fishy anyway)
Rather eat a cat (me how?)

Surely the mermaid one is a no brainer? Top Lady, bottom fish...all I'll say in support of this theory is "Imperial Leather".

...am I missing something here?

Although top half fish would mean she'd have to keep her head in a bucket with her arse up.

*reconsiders*

Sounds like the crappest or bestest date ever.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Blind. I'd miss conversation rather than being able to see. Other than boobies, of course, but that's what hands are for.

Would you rather be armless or legless?
Legless. You can use arms to power a wheelchair, you can't use feet to play with boobies.

Would you rather have one arm or three arms?
Er. Three, I guess? Depending on where the third one went and how it worked.

Would you rather date a mermaid that was top half fish or bottom half fish?
Bottom half. She'd kind of need to not have a fish's face.

Would you rather eat a dog or a cat?
Dog, I think. Pretty sure cat meat would be significantly more inedible.

Well, we know what to get Trooper for secret Santa...

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Zobmondo-Would- ... 010&sr=1-2

Next question.

Should I send that link to Mrs T or not...

Blind or deaf? This is the toughest one. Either would hurt quite a bit. My photography instinct says deaf, natch. But if I couldn't hear it would mean no more music, which would mean I could no longer listen to Richmond Fontaine or Vaughan Williams or Kate Bush or Miles Davies or Dvorak or...

But ultimately, I find the world a visual wonder so it's got to be sight I keep. Plus, y'know, books and games and lookin' at wimmin.

Would you rather be armless or legless? I say legless. For one, I wouldn't be able to feed or relieve myself, which I'd find debilitating. However, if the question is 'would you rather lose two arms or two legs?' and we take these in conjunction, then I say I'd rather lose my arms and have three arms instead of one, thus putting me ahead with two legs and one arm!

But wait, does that mean a paradox? Anyway, legless.

So, one arm or three arms? Easy. One arm. Three arms would make me a freak, whereas many great people have only had one arm. Okay, so I can only think of Nelson off-hand, but it holds. I'd have to compromise in my photography though and use a simpler camera. Maybe a Fujifilm X100 on auto.

Top half woman, it's the classical approach and the right one. Also, if she were top half fish there'd be the dangerous chance of her mouth suddenly being impaled by a huge hook and her being yoinked out of the water when skinny dipping by some terrifying backwoodsman with leet fishing skills.

Dog or cat? Hmm. Dogs have more character and are more trusting, so I'd say cat. If cats were big enough they'd eat us if they could, even if they were a pet. Whilst dogs I believe would retain enough affection to resist. So quid pro quo.

Truly, I am as wise as Solomon.

...and why shouldn't I be allowed to eat cats and dogs?

Either Or dude, no such thing as and in this game.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

In a five mammal roast stylee, along with badger, rat and mouse.

You had a sick version of Wind in the Willows, dude.

Mrs T and I were laying top to tail on the sofa a while back, watching some shit or other on the telly.
For some reason she started stroking my chest with her feet. I looked at her and exclaimed "what the fuck are you doing" or something similar. She didn't really see a problem.
I did it to her.
She subsequently agreed that it wasn't a normal thing to be doing.

I liked it when the Wild Wooders were winning.

Re: the Mermaid question.... surely she wouldn't be a Mermaid if the top half was a fish but a revolting nazi testing experiment.

EDIT: I mean, can you just imagine the amount of running juices!? The top half could at least talk and wouldn't have to fart to me what they wanted for lunch.

Used to play this with friends. The question would be read out, the person who was 'it' would write down an answer, then everyone else would discuss what they thought that person had written down and why, before voting on it. The group gets a point if the answers match.

I was most upset when the question was would I rather kill or die to save others, and everyone said the former whereas I'd written down 'die' . Gits.

I'd rather have the armpit that dispenses sun cream.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Easy one. Deaf. Growing up around a lot of deaf people makes you realise that it doesn't have to have a huge impact on your life. My parents certainly lead fuller lives than I do. My Mum recently went to Spain on holiday with a group of other deaf women, one of which was deaf/blind. Now that I couldn't cope with.. I'd probably top myself.

Would you rather be armless or legless?
Legless. From a practical point of view, there aren't too many jobs you can do without arms.

Would you rather have one arm or three arms?
Like Craster says, it depends where the third one was, but probably three

Would you rather date a mermaid that was top half fish or bottom half fish?
Bottom. But either way, she's going to stink of fish.

Would you rather eat a dog or a cat?
Dogs. I hate dogs.

My memory was playing up, this is a real Mrs T question...

Would you rather have a huge thumbnail on your head instead of hair, or no feet?

How on earth would that even work? A Thumbnail like a skull cap, that grows out of you head?

If so I'd take the thumbnail.

She needs therapy.

Being in a relationship with Trooper isn't that bad is it?

Mine would grow up and out like the crest of a Monoclonious.

Thumbnail.

Or could I have hooves / trotters to replace my feet with?

Isnt it suppose to be an either or

She needs therapy or she needs to go to Disneyland ?

Or she needs a new fiancé!

You're in for some crap Christmas presents this year.

Hair and nails are made of the same stuff, so it kind of makes sense.
But.. NO feet? Non?E

You seem to be under the impression that both halves if the question need to relate to each other ,and that the question needs to be founded in reality or even make sense.

That isn't the case. Welcome to my world...

Welcome to my world or you need therapy ?

Would you rather be attacked by 100 duck sized horses or one horse sized duck find out that your earwax tastes of marzipan?

Am I doing this right.

Marzipan earwax, obviously.

Would you like to swing on a star, carry moonbeams home in a jar and be better off than you are or would you rather be a colostomy gash?

I'd rather be better off than I are.

In soviet russia, Mrs T.

Just marvellous. She needs to make films.