Be Excellent To Each Other

Look at this stupidest washing machine! It's left home and become bost. Stupid washing machine.




This is the stupiest washing machine game ever: look at the washing machine.
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/504562

That picture just makes me want to move house. Although a lot of things do that, so it's not alone.

Just look at the poor fucking thing!

I quite liked that game. I got 80484000.

It's about time we had a proper washing machine thread again. All this bullshit off topic crap about games and stuff, I was seriously about to leave. Well, at least now I won't have to waste money registering http://www.sotalkaboutwashingmachines.com

Check out my rig (again):



1200RPM, direct drive, still has the original stickers on it! Check the flashing lights and LED timer too! It even has capacity for overclocking as the 'time save' option washes the same amount of clothes but FASTER!!!

My washing machine has a "time until complete" countdown and a progress bar.

What powder you running in that beast?

Nitro fuel, lately.

Yeah WTF was that anyway? The fuel for your RC car?

Mine also has time until complete. It's the lyingest liar in the whole world. It has a '1 minute remaining' that lasts at least 20 minutes every time.

Yeah, which handily sits (sat) next to the fabric softener.

Look on the bright side, at least your RC car is nice and soft now.

Is it an Indesit WIXXE something? Very annoying when you are waiting for it to finish before you go out/put a film/game on.

No, I think it's the very same Hotpoint Aquarius as featured in Dr Glyndwr's "Washing Machine Repair Story Of Doom".

Oh dear.

Fuck off, that made him a fortune!

Man, I hate washing machines - bastard, infernal, inscrutable contraption things.
I made the mistake of entering Mrs Caveman's Domain and actually trying to wash my gym stuff myself the other week. Last time I looked, washing machines had a "hot", "warm" and "cold" programme, and the posh ones had "synthetics" and "non synthetics" (which I always took to mean cotton) buttons. The fecking beast that lurks in my utility room has a more complex user interface than HAL9000; there must be hundreds of permutations of what you do, or do not want. I spent 5 minutes looking for a "quick wash" bailout button for blokes but to no avail (even though I knew that such a thing would be nowhere near heavy duty enough for my sweaty kecks anyway). I finally pressed some stuff at random, lobbed a fuckton of powder straight into the drum and came back an hour later. Could I get the door open though? Could I fuck.

Washing machines are second only to dishwashers IMO. The one we've got doesn't even have any buttons at all for fuck's sake; it must only be operable at all via some female Jedi mind-trick-magic.

You and your pimped out washing machines. Waste of time.

Mine Just Works. And syncs with my tumble dryer.

Is it possible you've just been piling all the dirty plates into a regular cupboard?

Cavey, does your dishwasher have buttons inside the door, perchance?

Sadly not mate; you can store stuff in regular cupboards, but dishwashers are sort of inverse-tardis devices with their own peculiar internal space-time. Basically, no matter how big the fucking thing is, you can't put hardly anything in it and what you do manage to squeeze in all has to come out again anyway, 'cause the fan-thingy bangs into it.

\
"It's behind you!"

Inside the door...??

More likely on the edge of the door, such that they are hidden when it is closed.

Aye, that's what I meant.

I'm pretty sure it hasn't, although there must obviously be something somewhere. It beeps a mysterious morse code at the missus (seriously); the unfathomable dots and dashes apparently mean something.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of fiendish domestic appliances, I call your washing machines and dishwashers and raise you one carpet cleaner. Now that is a truly unfathomable device, with its multiple tanks, water, waste, fluids, brushes and buttons. Plus they weigh a fucking ton and like ruining carpets, the very things they're supposed to be cleaning, and are surely the shortest-lived, most unreliable pieces of equipment, like ever. Yes, I'm bitter through experience here.

No, this is:

"It is not just good. It is Berry Good."

Stupid washing machine thinks it's toilet. Stupid.

I can see two problems with that, one is accidentally dropping your clean socks in the toilet, the other is getting a massive headache when all you want is a nice, relaxing dump.

And trying to piss into the drum when you've had a few.

Gives you something to aim for.

Good for when you forget some reading material.

Good for when you've had to wipe your arse on the towel.

The stupidest washing machine is one that washes your clothes with chilli Beanfeast instead of water.

Our Hoover Eco Senso-Something also has the countdown timer with the one minute spin that lasts 2 hours.

Yes, I think it is.
Wait, what?

What's the "Washing Machine Repair Story Of Doom"?

Some of you might recall the broken tumble dryer I sold that time with amusing questions.

Not a washing machine, mind you. Turns out the washing machine in my house recently broke but the tenants have bought a new one. They're very good like that.

This washing machine may not look stupid, but it believes climate change doesn't exist and is re-writing the bible to remove liberal bias in the original translation.

I've eaten the hottest stupid washing machine ever.

My washing machine throttled Rodafowa with it's cold feed pipe.

I've eaten a hotter stupier washing machine while reading millions of the most electronicist books ever.

LLOL


Isn't that one one with the blog post?

I did that without needing a degree in it.

I did that and I ground away until I'd maxed it, too.

Here's a photo of my stupid broken washing machine with my fucking dinner in it. It's a baconist sandwich with 15 million Michelin stars.

You need to somehow bottle the sun itself and pour it over that or it's not hot enough.

Oh. Yes, it is (indirectly). Hurrah!